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Points to ponder - involvement of new spouse/step parents

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  • Recently, on Judge Judy she lambasted a Step Mother in her court room. It was one of the episodes last week. I will try and find the episode number and information...
    OMG Tayken. I saw that exact show!!!!

    The stepmother would not shut up and kept trying to interrupt and tell Judge Judy about the court order. She told her 10 times to stay out of it and that it wasn't her business and that she didn't know her place...and the woman refused to shut up.

    The guy was such a wimp that that he let this woman actually lose the case for him by her constantly interrupting the judge. Its a great example of what judges think of new partners that show up in court and talk out of turn.

    Comment


    • Great responses everyone!

      My point in this is, bio-parent, step parent, grand parent etc…we are responsible for our relationships with the children and that’s what is important.

      I do understand the other point of view as I have had that feeling of momma bear with my own 2 sons.....3rd g/f for EX in 2 yrs.

      Children, will have different relationships as they grow up, be it friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, teachers, coaches, with their other parent, grand parents.....keeping our relationship strong and positive is what will keep an open door and a strong bond with our children.

      How others choose to do this, will reflect on that relationship. I know that I can’t change or take responsibility for how Bio-mom behaves with her child.

      My point was that instead of putting the child in the middle rather it be the step parent or the bio parent, all need to focus on our relationship with the children. Our insecurities do not belong to our children and should not be put on them.

      MS MOM I am a child of divorce and the last thing I want for any child is to have to go through what I went through. Every situation is different, we can’t all relate the same way as we all have different situations.

      For the record, any of you thinking that the children are not aware of what is going on or what you and others are doing; positive or negative; don't be fooled.

      Comment


      • PLEASE find the episode and post it here. Then make it a "sticky"

        I believe that Judge Judy was a family court judge for several decades.

        Comment


        • My point was that instead of putting the child in the middle rather it be the step parent or the bio parent, all need to focus on our relationship with the children. Our insecurities do not belong to our children and should not be put on them.


          I agree but really you can only control your own behavior.

          Unfortunately if you're a bio mom dealing with a difficult step-mom or vice versa...there's not a lot you can do to control their behavior but often if you focus on your own it can get better.

          Don't engage or over-react to the small things...only communicate over relevant parenting issues rather than responding to nonsense...don't interrogate the kids to find out what happened at the other parent's home...minimize the kid's complaints about the other parent rather that encouraging them to "tell-on" the other parent...don't invade the other parent's privacy, concentrate only on your own household...and mostly try to minimize the interference of the bio parents raising their kid.

          Kids are extremely capable of loving both their parents and step-parents and there's zero need for insecurity, in my opinion.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post

            I agree but really you can only control your own behavior.

            Unfortunately if you're a bio mom dealing with a difficult step-mom or vice versa...there's not a lot you can do to control their behavior but often if you focus on your own it can get better.

            Don't engage or over-react to the small things...only communicate over relevant parenting issues rather than responding to nonsense...don't interrogate the kids to find out what happened at the other parent's home...minimize the kid's complaints about the other parent rather that encouraging them to "tell-on" the other parent...don't invade the other parent's privacy, concentrate only on your own household...and mostly try to minimize the interference of the bio parents raising their kid.

            Kids are extremely capable of loving both their parents and step-parents and there's zero need for insecurity, in my opinion.
            That what we do....nothing was said to child, it was based of observation only and was a vent on the Forum on my part. Its great to have so much feed back.

            Comment


            • That what we do....nothing was said to child, it was based of observation only and was a vent on the Forum on my part. Its great to have so much feed back.
              Agreed.

              I definitely think its harder negotiating these relationships when you're dealing with younger children though.

              Comment


              • Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
                OMG Tayken. I saw that exact show!!!!

                The stepmother would not shut up and kept trying to interrupt and tell Judge Judy about the court order. She told her 10 times to stay out of it and that it wasn't her business and that she didn't know her place...and the woman refused to shut up.

                The guy was such a wimp that that he let this woman actually lose the case for him by her constantly interrupting the judge. Its a great example of what judges think of new partners that show up in court and talk out of turn.
                That is the one. It appears to be from 2009 in May. I haven't been able to find the exact show but, thank-you for confirming that the episode was last week.

                I agree, the step parent in that matter was over-involved to the point that Judge Judy explicitly reminded the person that they are simply "not a parent".

                My favorite comments were when the father kept trying to explain that he failed to establish even on a simply prima facie of evidence that there was a material change in circumstance for his custody and access matter to be heard... This litigant's use of Latin is an example of why knowing something about one thing and not understanding the **whole** legal process is why lawyers are often important.

                This litigant should really take note of how dominating and controlling his current partner (step-parent) really is. If there ever was a case-on-point for a "controlling" person... this step-parent in this episode is it...

                Good Luck!
                Tayken

                Comment


                • Attempting another thread hijack

                  Judge Judy is TV's highest-paid star- MSN Money

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by arabian View Post
                    PLEASE find the episode and post it here. Then make it a "sticky"

                    I believe that Judge Judy was a family court judge for several decades.
                    Yes, Judge Judy spent most of her career prior to the television show as a family court justice. She often mentions that on the show in the more recent shows.

                    I am trying to locate it. It is probably everything you ever wanted a judge to say to your ex's new partner Arabian. I suspect Judge Judy's opinion would resonate well with you.

                    I have found some blogs that talk about it, one had a link to a disabled youtube of the episode. But, there wasn't enough metadata to locate the actual episode number / title and date it was originally aired.

                    I am trying to locate it.

                    Good Luck!
                    Tayken

                    Comment


                    • Tayken: I'm not sure if you saw the end of the episode where the court reporter does an exit interview with the litigants. But they were discussing an online behavioral modification course that the step-mom found and tried to impose upon the bio-mom. I found it interesting that the step-mom was so overbearing and controlling that she actually thought that she could tell the bio-mom what parenting techniques to use in her home.

                      You've really got to wonder about what kind of man would let someone overtake the things he should be handling on his own with the other parent.

                      I admired how Judge Judy tried to explain to the step-mom that she didn't know her place and was out of line and was amazed that the stepmom was so bone-headed that she really didn't get it and continued to speak out of turn.

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
                        Tayken: I'm not sure if you saw the end of the episode where the court reporter does an exit interview with the litigants. But they were discussing an online behavioral modification course that the step-mom found and tried to impose upon the bio-mom. I found it interesting that the step-mom was so overbearing and controlling that she actually thought that she could tell the bio-mom what parenting techniques to use in her home.

                        You've really got to wonder about what kind of man would let someone overtake the things he should be handling on his own with the other parent.

                        I admired how Judge Judy tried to explain to the step-mom that she didn't know her place and was out of line and was amazed that the stepmom was so bone-headed that she really didn't get it and continued to speak out of turn.
                        Now I have to see this. I love Judge Judy, but the show gets occupied with too many "jerry springer specials" that I long lost interest. My ex used to love Judge Judy. I hope his wife saw the episode. But, true to form, she wouldn't resonate with a single word of it. I can hear it, "yeah, but, in our case, mom is definitely wrong and in need of all sorts of help"....

                        Comment

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