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Dear Readers, I am sure you have heard all the storys before, but here I am needing to vent and ask advice. I have been married for 20 years this past April. I have raised three great boys, two are in college and one is 17. I moved here to PA 17 years ago to raise my boys in a manner that I was accustomed to as a child, (meaning middle-class). I met my husband on Long Island, where I am from origionally. I lost both my parents and everyone close to me when I was 17 including my sister, I have absolutely no support system or emotional support from any of my spouses family including my spouse. It has been a very long road, which I choose to travel. 2 years after moving to PA with three small boys my spouse became unable to work and has been collecting Social Security Disability up until 2 years ago.I decided to go back to school as a non-traditional student, as a way of meeting new people and to better myself, shortly after he became disabled. I have always worked, even when it was just as a matron at a local pool hall giving out change to the young kids who frequent there. It was not an easy task taking care of a spouse who didn't do much for himself let alone anyone else, raising three boys all very close in age, attending college, being a homemaker and working....needless to say I had an awful lot on my plate. The good new is I obtained many goals. Completed a AAS Degree in BM, raised my boys, kept a home and completely and soley managed to work myself off of any public assistance. I am very proud of my accomplishments. I am sure this sounds like I am tooting my own horn but it is necessary to set up what you will here next, if I have held your attention this long. My husband decided six months after I started college that it was a good thing for him to do also (why not he would say the government will pay for it, and all the guaranteed student loans), so that is what he did. for 6 years, he has multiple degrees, a BA in Criminal Justice, An ASS in Paralegel, and an ASS in general studies. I can' t even begin to explain to you how dificult my life was back then. Hold on just a little bit longer. About 4 years ago my husband had an operation, a gastric by-pass, which enabled him to loose an awful lot of weight....which was most of the cause of his disability, besides some other things which most people live with every day of thier lives. It will be 2 years in November that my husband has been working as a Correction Officer, and has been off Social Security Disability. Now comes the bad parts, during my 2 years at college I had an affair with another man, which my husband found out about. Acouple of years later I had another affair. Please don't judge me. Even though my husband said he forgave me for my indiscressions, believe me I have paid dearly for them, every day of my life since. Throught out the years, we have been to at least four different marriages councelors, which seemed to help for a little while. I have threatened him with divorce manytimes, his reply has always been, I don't believe in divorce. He has never put his nuclear family first( meaning me and the kids). He has however, always put his family first, in ways that most women would not want to deal with. His passive agressive personality has made my life a living hell. In all fairness I have tried to do the same for him. Finally, my question, do I have the right to retain this house that I have worked so hard for all these years and have put my blood sweat and tears into. His knowlege of the law has kept me at bay for too long, he has always used that knowlege as a power trip against me. Living in a rural area as we do now, he knows alot of people in all the right places, which also puts me at a disadvantage. He keeps telling me that because of my adultries I won't get anything, I do know better then that, and I have tried my best to read up on PA laws regarding divorce, so I know that because we have continued to stay together and he has accepted my infidelities and have tried to move on, it is not possible for him to be awarded the home. Just in these last few weeks I have decided it is time for me to move on. But to my dismay....I have absolutely NO place to go...with no family on my side and all of his family against me. He has recently said to me that if I thought my life was miserable with him the past 15 years, I haven't seen anything yet, and that he was going to really make me pay. At this point I know what I really have to do, maybe I am just looking for some encouragement from some of you people out there who has been throught it. And any words of wisdom you can offer me would be so appreciated.
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Michelle,
welcome to the forum.
It is hard to comment without having any knowledge of Pennsylvania family laws.
In Ontario, Canada, matrimonial homes and liabilities are usually equalized on marriage breakdown. I suspect your laws would be similar, I could be wrong.
I would spend an hour with a good family law lawyer located in Pennsylvania and find out your rights and obligations.
This website http://www.divorcesource.com/PA/index.shtml may be useful to you and may answer your questions and concerns.
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