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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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Old 10-10-2011, 08:30 PM
Enoughalready11 Enoughalready11 is offline
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Default What R Children's rights to privacy/sleeping arrangements?

[COLOR="Blue"][/COLOR
Children ages 14-boy, 12-girl and partners child
Age 12-boy.
My ex just left a common-law relationship
duration of 3 months. Two weeks later he meets a
woman with a son, age 12 and by 6 weeks moves
in with them. Her home has one bedroom with
a very small finished basement. Their first
Weekend my son slept in the mainfloor hallway
and my daughter was in the basement on an
airmattress on the floor near her sons bed.
Prior to them going I approached my ex
Stating that I would like to see the accomodations
he has planned for the children that include
Privacy and comfort. He lashed back telling me
My request was inappropriate and that he would
take legal action if I withheld them . What ARE
the rights of children when it comes to sleeping
arrangements and privacy, safety and "proper"
bedding??
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Old 10-11-2011, 06:27 AM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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your request was inappropriate, I agree with him. You have no right to inspect the place he is living. That is invading his privacy and his time with the kids. Maybe the first weekend wasn't ideal for sleeping arrangements but it does take time to get it all sorted. Does he have them 50% or is it an EOW setup? Maybe he is doing the best he can do after paying out money for CS and whatever.
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Old 10-11-2011, 10:19 AM
winterwolf7 winterwolf7 is offline
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My ex tried the same thing, she wanted pictures showing the placement of my possessions in my apartment to prove it was satisfactory to her liking for my son to sleep over. It is very inappropriate. You should not withhold the children for this or any other reason short of immediate physical harm.

This sounds like a temporary situation but depending on the details temporary may mean anything from a few weeks to a few years. Due to my ex's vindictive, dishonest misrepresentation of her finances it will be years before I will ever be able to afford to have a place where my son can have his own space. She put me in this position she has absolutely no right to complain about my accommodations until she's willing to support herself and let me have enough of my salary to do better.
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Old 10-11-2011, 10:31 AM
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You should be able to voice concerns and discuss this new situation with your ex. You are different people and should come together to raise the kids in a way that works for both of you.

That being said, you probably approached it wrong by demanding that you be satisfied with the their 'privacy and comfort'. Ultimately it is his decision to be made if you can't agree, so you should approach it that way. This means you must be open to his input on what happens when the kids are with you.

You need to understand that when the kids are with him, it is his parenting that takes precedence, and you need to leave the relationship between them. Asking questions and stating concerns in a non judgmental or controlling way is of course reasonable. It sounds like you were not reasonable however in your approach.
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Old 10-11-2011, 12:39 PM
beebie beebie is offline
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But the kids' safety and security always come before the feelings of the parents.
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Old 10-11-2011, 12:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beebie View Post
But the kids' safety and security always come before the feelings of the parents.
Safety and security in this case is subjective, so it comes back to what the parent in charge thinks.
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Old 10-11-2011, 01:28 PM
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At 12 & 14 the kids are old enough to voice their displeasure with the arrangements themselves. Perhaps if they are talking to you about it, rather than you trying to speak to him about it, encourage the kids to talk to him about it. If the kids are NOT talking to you about it - other than mentioning that this is the arrangement - then maybe it doesn't bother them either and you should let it go.
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Old 10-11-2011, 01:31 PM
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I acknowledge your point but I doubt if safety is not covered by Health and Safety legislation, building and fire codes, and some kind of child welfare legislation relating to supervision. Really need a definitive answer on this. For example, law dictates a car seat before anyone can take a baby home from the hospital.

It cannot be subjective because some people lock their kids in their rooms for "safety". I do agree with you that aside from legislated bare minimums that the discretion of the responsible parent would prevail . I am sure a concerned parent could check with their child welfare office or local social worker.
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Old 10-11-2011, 01:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beebie View Post
I acknowledge your point but I doubt if safety is not covered by Health and Safety legislation, building and fire codes, and some kind of child welfare legislation relating to supervision. Really need a definitive answer on this. For example, law dictates a car seat before anyone can take a baby home from the hospital.

It cannot be subjective because some people lock their kids in their rooms for "safety". I do agree with you that aside from legislated bare minimums that the discretion of the responsible parent would prevail . I am sure a concerned parent could check with their child welfare office or local social worker.
Check with the government to see if sharing a room or sleeping on an air mattress is legal???

Total stupidity
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Old 10-11-2011, 03:27 PM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beebie View Post
I acknowledge your point but I doubt if safety is not covered by Health and Safety legislation, building and fire codes, and some kind of child welfare legislation relating to supervision. Really need a definitive answer on this. For example, law dictates a car seat before anyone can take a baby home from the hospital.

It cannot be subjective because some people lock their kids in their rooms for "safety". I do agree with you that aside from legislated bare minimums that the discretion of the responsible parent would prevail . I am sure a concerned parent could check with their child welfare office or local social worker.
I guess when you were a kid you never went to a sleep over in your friends (or cousins) basement

Or have you ever held a sleep over with kids where they had to share a mattress or use a sleeping bag on the floor (or air mattress).

....just sayin....
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