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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #1  
Old 07-01-2021, 11:19 PM
bj42 bj42 is offline
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Default help wife left us

hi after 28 years of marriage wife just abandoned me and my 2 girls
she left a note saying she's not happy in marriage and i'am seeing someone else i have a meeting with a lawyer next week
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  #2  
Old 07-02-2021, 09:36 AM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bj42 View Post
hi after 28 years of marriage wife just abandoned me and my 2 girls
she left a note saying she's not happy in marriage and i'am seeing someone else i have a meeting with a lawyer next week
Just breathe...you are in a pretty good position to get sole custody of the girls due to her actions..Get moving on this as quick as possible.
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Old 07-02-2021, 12:59 PM
ifonlyihadknown ifonlyihadknown is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bj42 View Post
hi after 28 years of marriage wife just abandoned me and my 2 girls
she left a note saying she's not happy in marriage and i'am seeing someone else i have a meeting with a lawyer next week
Nothing happens fast in family court. Sometimes it takes years. Yes, see the lawyer, but I would recommend waiting a few months before doing anything if you can.

Take your time. Take care of yourself and your girls.
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Old 07-02-2021, 02:10 PM
Brampton33 Brampton33 is offline
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Also, do not panic. Don't make any rash decisions. Don't do any grand gestures thinking you will win her back, such as giving her the house, sole custody, or agreeing to any unreasonable supports.

Too often you hear of guys giving away the moon in legal proceedings thinking it'll change their mind. It won't. And then you will regret having been so nice. Many people on this forum will tell you: Niceness in family court will get you nowhere.
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  #5  
Old 07-02-2021, 02:40 PM
cleanSlate cleanSlate is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bj42 View Post
hi after 28 years of marriage wife just abandoned me and my 2 girls
she left a note saying she's not happy in marriage and i'am seeing someone else i have a meeting with a lawyer next week
Sorry to hear. Remember this.
1. You can never trust her again as far as the business of marriage; you may want to, have hope ect. Throw that out the window. Too many people have been suckered by the ex coming back once they realize they made a financial mistake by leaving when and how they did.

2. You may feel the law is unfair and it probably is. 28 years is a long time. If you feel extra stress either get doing heavy exercise or see your doc about temporary anti-anxiety / stress meds.

3. Put everything your lawyer promised or your direction in writing. Some lawyers mess around.

Good luck and hope you come out of this OK.
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Old 07-02-2021, 07:12 PM
Alpinist Alpinist is offline
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Great advice from the others.
My advice, go to the bank and take a financial snapshot of any joint accounts you have, freeze any if you can. I know it's hard to think of things like this early on but look out for yourself and protect yourself. Take your time and do lots of research, on the web, Ontario family law sites, etc. Find a good lawyer. Ask questions on here. Best of luck with everything.
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Old 07-03-2021, 12:47 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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What everyone else said plus a bit more.

You need to separate emotion from the business side of this. It is terrible and when it means they left for someone else, pretty devastating. You will need to grieve for the loss of your marriage but you do need to start working on what happens next.

Prepare yourself for your meeting with your lawyer. Dont waste time on the trauma or emotion of the divorce. Keep it business like. What you need to do is set out what you want and how to get there.

First, the assets you share. House, cars, accounts etc. You need to ask your lawyer about closing/freezing accounts and what happens with assets like the house and a car she might have. If you have access to online banking, go in and print out a statement of all accounts including mortgage, credit cards, loans. Have that set aside. Freeze any accounts she has access to and advise her accordingly. If necessary, set up a new account for your paycheque and expenses on the house. If she has access to the kids accounts, freeze that immediately.

Second, start keeping track of monthly expenses for the house. Jot down everything as this will help determine split of expenses.

When you go to the lawyer, outline you want an agreement for child support, section seven expenses and the split of the assets. Even if you arent divorcing right away, the assets will need to be split. Do NOT get into a nitty gritty battle as it will simply cost you money on a lawyer. Let her go, dont look to punish her and keep emotion out. All three of these a the way to lose a lot of money on a lawyer and a waste of energy.

Finally, the biggest question will be spousal. Ask your lawyer what she will be entitled to and what you can argue. If she left you voluntarily for someone else, let them take care of her. You shouldnt be responsible for her ongoing care if she has another income source. Spousal support will be the biggest key in this matter.

I too am sorry this happened and you will get through this. Protect your financial future first and let the rest of it fall into an area outside of the legal stuff.
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  #8  
Old 08-02-2021, 11:15 PM
bj42 bj42 is offline
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hi i just wanted to thanks everyone with there advise since we were married she always put her parents and her brother first i came 4th even when we had the kids she just didn't know how to be a mother or wife we r a east indian family her parents were very strict when she was growing up she misses her teenage years and now 28years later she is trying to recover what she lost
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