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Moving on....Final Minutes of Settlement (for now)

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  • I also agree. Not responding.

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    • I certainly see how one can read between the lines on this one, but I would take the response at face value and at face value LF doesn't need to respond to her.

      Sometimes it's easier to just take what's written for the actual words rather than reading into them. I do get though that his ex would love to have the ability to do those pickups and drop-offs. There would be hardly any days where she didn't see D4 then and she would probably be able to tell herself she is the majority parent then even though they have 50/50. She is probably having real trouble letting go of the concept that she is the "number 1 parent".

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      • Originally posted by PeacefulMoments View Post
        I certainly see how one can read between the lines on this one, but I would take the response at face value and at face value LF doesn't need to respond to her.

        Sometimes it's easier to just take what's written for the actual words rather than reading into them. I do get though that his ex would love to have the ability to do those pickups and drop-offs. There would be hardly any days where she didn't see D4 then and she would probably be able to tell herself she is the majority parent then even though they have 50/50. She is probably having real trouble letting go of the concept that she is the "number 1 parent".
        There's absolutely nothing wrong with her response. I just didn't know how to respond...so I'm not lol

        Peaceful's got it....I don't think my ex is looking forward to letting D4 go 50% without seeing her. I just received another text of my ex saying that we can talk about it face to face tomorrow. Yay. lol No avoiding the convo I guess.

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        • If you must engage your ex on this one (try to avoid if you can) I would go with the fewer transitions for D4 angle. I believe in the past she has made transitions an issue, and this would reduce transitions and provide a sense of routine and stability.

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          • Then you can say now that you prefer not to have these conversations in front of d4 and you are sticking to your plan.

            Thank you for your concern but ive made my decision and will be sticking to the court order. Going forward I do not wish to have these discussions in front of d4.

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            • By the way, how did school shopping go? Is D4 kitted out and ready? Hopefully both you and ex were able to provide different aspects of what she needed so that you were both an important part of this exciting time and each got to contribute something special.

              I know. I seem be all touchy feely today!
              Last edited by PeacefulMoments; 02-01-2016, 04:19 PM. Reason: added comment

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              • A few months ago this individual was sticking to her allegations (sexual abuse to name just one).

                With that in mind I think he'd be wise to not have much to do with her. I wouldn't trust her one bit.

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                • I didn't mean actually shopping together with ex, just that it would be good if each of them was able to contribute something special for D4's school experience so that neither LF nor his ex felt excluded from the exciting time of D4's first day of school.

                  I do also agree he should have as limited contact with ex as possible.

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                  • Originally posted by PeacefulMoments View Post
                    I didn't mean actually shopping together with ex, just that it would be good if each of them was able to contribute something special for D4's school experience so that neither LF nor his ex felt excluded from the exciting time of D4's first day of school.

                    I do also agree he should have as limited contact with ex as possible.
                    Unfortunately instead of splitting stuff up my ex decided to exclude me and went and got some stuff herself. But it seems D4 didn't need much. We weren't even given a list from the school.

                    When I arrived, D4 had on winter boots that didn't fit and complained of a sore foot. (She has told me and ex that they dont fit). I asked why she didn't wear the "Frozen" boots I bought (they fit and she loves them) .. D4 told em that mommy said she wasn't allowed. So...blisters it is. Poor thing.

                    It's clear ex is trying to take the reigns. Buy the stuff for school (after us agreeing we would split it), wanting to do all the exchanges herself at the school (my time included) and using the cost of EDP to kind of guilt me.

                    Still .. better than it was just a few months ago .. as Arabian pointed out...allegations were still going wild. Funny what happens when Legal Aid wings get clipped. :-)

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                    • You may have to have your own items for when D4 is on your time, although it would get pretty annoying to put the boots etc on in the morning and then they don't get returned if ex won't put them on her. I think with the schedule you have it's only Wed that you both send her in the morning and pick her up after school. Hopefully with a little time, these sorts of things will calm down. D4 is getting older now and may start telling ex things like how the ill fitting boots bother her.

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                      • See that (boots not fitting) is something I would bring to her attention in your communication book or whatever: - just a FYI - D4 has mentioned her toe hurts when she wears the XXX boots... perhaps we should donate them? (I purchased the "frozen" boots as replacement)

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                        • Start shutting it down. No discussion on what happens on your time. Tell her you appreciate her concern but your decision is final. You do not wish to discuss any matters regarding d4 at exchanges.

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                          • Originally posted by arabian View Post
                            See that (boots not fitting) is something I would bring to her attention in your communication book or whatever: - just a FYI - D4 has mentioned her toe hurts when she wears the XXX boots... perhaps we should donate them? (I purchased the "frozen" boots as replacement)
                            I guess I forgot to mention .. ex no longer wants comm. book..her idea. She suggests that we're starting fresh and can talk face-to-face. I offered that we at least use email/text for most stuff but for day-to-day we can just verbalize.

                            I was also impressed that she had D4 call me about 10 mins ago. D4 was yelling with excitement telling me about her 2 new besties and everything she did.

                            Man I was a sap on my truck ride home from visiting her in school. I found it emotional to see D4 being so independent, making friends, etc. A few tears down the ol' cheek..(I mean..some dust in my eyes..).

                            Seeing her happiness today made my entire "court fight for school" worth it.

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                            • Glad you had a good day.

                              Don't be a "sap" about communication with your ex though. I'm sure your ex, through the years, is going to spring you with many idiotic, spur-of-the-moment requests. You deserve the respect to be able to decide which things you want to respond to and those which are better left alone. Often a person agrees to something and then later regrets it.

                              I'd be very firm on communication with her either through a communication book or email. Just say, as others have wisely suggested, it is not proper to discuss things in front of daughter and therefore you will continue to communicate through email/communication book - her preference.

                              These things may seem small now but when you have your first disagreement the mode of communication will become huge.

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                              • Yet another reason to avoid parent to parent exchanges.

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