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  • Your ex is loco.

    I wonder if it would help to have a calendar or something for D4 with stickers in it to show who picks her up from school? She may fall into the pattern easily. Just watch her for signs of anxiety at first that she may be afraid no one is coming to get her. The teacher will be your friend too. If there is a day planner or something in her bag the teacher can look and reassure her someone is coming.

    Comment


    • So D4 starts school tomorrow. We're all super stoked.

      My ex stated that she still wasn't seeking employment. She said that since my work hours don't coordinate with picking/dropping D4 up at her school that I cold drop and pick her up at ex's house and she would pick up and drop off from school.

      I don't want to do this as this will be another excuse for her to not work, etc.

      Good news is that the school has "Extended Day Program" (mornings beginning at 7:15am and after school until 6:00pm). This is pretty helpful except it costs an arm and a leg.

      It's a tad irritating because with the school options in my area, all driving was taken care of and "Extended Day Programs" were FREE.

      The j/k room was kind of gross with old worn out toys ... but it was a "male" j/k teacher which threw my ex off pretty good (remember she says D4 dislikes men).

      How many here would opt to use the EDP program (and pay)? Would that make for too long of a day for D4?

      Also, I'm concerned about my ex's attachment stuff hindering D4's experience. I hope there's not something created where ex can say D4 was "too scared", or "not ready" or "refused to go" while in her care. Another thing was the j/k teacher telling us we can drop in during the day whenever we want .... which means ex will .. but D4 needs to discover her independence now in my opinion and hanging out in the j/k room could do more harm than good.
      Last edited by LovingFather32; 01-31-2016, 10:27 AM.

      Comment


      • I recall you previously describing your ex as an individual who spent alot of time in her pyjamas... chances of her being at the school early are remote.

        I would opt for the day program so that you can be assured your daughter attends school, on time.

        The less physical contact you have with your ex the better IMO.

        Also, if you buy into her plan of dropping child off at her place you will just be endorsing her not working. I'd take this a step further and think of a way that you can let the people at OW know that child care is taken care of and she has no reason not to work. Perhaps a receipt from the program sent to her worker would suffice. LOL.

        Comment


        • Try to stop worrying about everything.

          Ex agreed to the driving on her days. Let her worry about it.

          Use the EDP if you need to on your days. You must have knew it was an option because you insisted earlier that you had time to do all of the driving. Simple solution.

          Don't worry if Ex spends too much time in the classroom. The teachers have tons of experience with anxious parents. They will keep an eye on it and shoo her away if she is there too much. This isn't your battle and none of your business what ex does. Stop trying to control her decisions. Don't borrow trouble (she hasn't done it yet). Don't worry about it.

          If she never works, so what?? You are not paying SS. Who cares?? Don't worry about it. Move on.

          Comment


          • I think an educated, healthy parent who is subsiding on welfare sets a very poor example for their children. I would further state that, IMO, there exists a certain mindset of entitlement which goes along with long-term welfare recipients. Both parents have an obligation to contribute to supporting their children. Why should the mother be able to collect welfare when she is capable of working?

            LF32's daughter deserves the very best. Mother staying on welfare is putting her own needs before that of her child. Are we surprised though?

            Comment


            • Originally posted by arabian View Post
              I think an educated, healthy parent who is subsiding on welfare sets a very poor example for their children. I would further state that, IMO, there exists a certain mindset of entitlement which goes along with long-term welfare recipients. Both parents have an obligation to contribute to supporting their children. Why should the mother be able to collect welfare when she is capable of working?

              LF32's daughter deserves the very best. Mother staying on welfare is putting her own needs before that of her child. Are we surprised though?
              I agree with you Arabian but LF seems to get caught up in things he has no control over. He can't change her, her behaviour or choices. He needs to focus on his own life. Ex is going to do whatever she wants. He needs to put his energies towards positive things.

              Comment


              • Originally posted by arabian View Post
                I think an educated, healthy parent who is subsiding on welfare sets a very poor example for their children. I would further state that, IMO, there exists a certain mindset of entitlement which goes along with long-term welfare recipients. Both parents have an obligation to contribute to supporting their children. Why should the mother be able to collect welfare when she is capable of working?

                LF32's daughter deserves the very best. Mother staying on welfare is putting her own needs before that of her child. Are we surprised though?
                I totally agree with this Arabian. No reason to refuse working and continue on OW when our child is in school F/T .. is it my business? Well, we have a court document stating that she would at least be looking, signed by us both.

                S&T I'm not trying to control anybody's decisions .. she made her decision to seek employment and signed a line that she would do so. (How am I controlling her decision?)

                I understand that her CS would go down but that's no reason not to join the workforce like most other adults and be a good role model for our child.

                But my post was more about using EDP programs VS. ex wanting to do my exchanges (because she says it will save me money).

                Regarding ex staying in the j/k room everyday .. I'm not worried yet .. but I will be when ex starts keeping her home saying she's not ready, etc. Currently, we drop D4 off at Ballet alone (No parents allowed) .. never an issue. Unfortunately, my ex states that she can never drop D4 off anywhere or she says D4 gets very emotional and won't let her leave.

                I just hope this doesn't become her school experience also. But of course I'll be positive and not jump the gun .. we'll wait and see.

                Comment


                • He can certainly curtail her behaviour in this instance.

                  If he puts her in the pre/after school program his ex will not have a reason to get a job. Once the ex does find employment she will be able to contribute her fair share to child raising costs. This will be of benefit to the child as well as LF32.

                  On the other hand, If LF32 does not put child in pre/after school program his ex will have her excuse not to work (has to stay home for child care).

                  His ex continues to milk the system. The longer this goes on the chances of an income being imputed to her fade. She knows this. Welfare people know their rights better than anyone else and how to work the system.

                  Comment


                  • LF can't force his ex to work, nor can the court. Welfare will deal with her. Even if the child is in before and after on his days, his ex doesn't have to work. If she doesn't find employment and is imputed an income that's her problem

                    Comment


                    • I think it is possible that once your daughter is in school she will flourish and take great pride in her own independence and successes.

                      A great deal of mother's have difficulty in dropping their children off at day-care or grade 1 school. S&T is correct in that the teachers are used to this and encourage parents to keep the drop off's short as opposed to lingering. Kids sometimes cry but the minute the parents are nowhere in sight the crying usually stops. Peer pressure starts at an early age as well. No one wants to be labelled as a "cry baby." If your ex makes a big deal about things then that's her problem and on her time.

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                        LF can't force his ex to work, nor can the court. Welfare will deal with her. Even if the child is in before and after on his days, his ex doesn't have to work. If she doesn't find employment and is imputed an income that's her problem

                        I wonder why Welfare hasn't dealt with her so far? 2 years on welfare? Educated, experienced para-legal? I assume she was able to drag it out because she had the kid at home.

                        I agree nobody can "force" ex to work, however, if some takes away the ability for her to create excuses not to work, Welfare will hopefully finally do their job.

                        Perhaps rules are different in Ontario (Liberal province). This woman certainly would have been cut off Welfare long ago if she lived in Alberta. In Alberta one has to report to case workers on a regular period, attend numerous employment readiness screening. Having a young preschool child is not an automatic ticket to receive welfare.

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by arabian View Post
                          He can certainly curtail her behaviour in this instance.

                          If he puts her in the pre/after school program his ex will not have a reason to get a job. Once the ex does find employment she will be able to contribute her fair share to child raising costs. This will be of benefit to the child as well as LF32.

                          On the other hand, If LF32 does not put child in pre/after school program his ex will have her excuse not to work (has to stay home for child care).

                          His ex continues to milk the system. The longer this goes on the chances of an income being imputed to her fade. She knows this. Welfare people know their rights better than anyone else and how to work the system.
                          Yea I know I can't control if she chooses to live off Welfare the rest of her life while everybody else (including D4) are in school/work Full Time. Arabian's point in "red" above was the purpose of my post. It's one thing for her not to work....it's quite another if I help facilitate her not working by not using EDP programs. Was just looking for an opinion on that. Thanks Arabian!

                          Comment


                          • A few weeks after you put your child in the program, and your ex is comfortable with your daughter's adjustment) you should ask your ex to look into her contribution by OW (I believe there is usually provision for this for people who are genuinely looking for work). This would accomplish 2 things - a) cut your costs and b) alert OW that your ex has no childcare constraints keeping her from obtaining employment.

                            I'm curious LF32 = how much does this pre/after school care cost?

                            My son loved this program (many years ago) and I recall back in the 80's it was around 200.00/month. Son was/is an only child and he loved the opportunity to play with other children. At first I felt rather silly putting him in the program as I was quite able to pick him up after school but then I soon saw the benefit.

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by OntarioDaddy View Post
                              Wouldn't it be funny if ex/D lost their house and benefits, and moved back to Quebec for family support. LOL.
                              Mobility order in place. Ex may have grown up in Quebec and family may live there but court would care less. Best interests of child is what counts. If ex tried this move then it would be a shoe-in for sole custody for LF32. Don't forget that his ex repeatedly assured the court that she was going to work in ONTARIO.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by OntarioDaddy View Post
                                Wouldn't it be funny if ex/D lost their house and benefits, and moved back to Quebec for family support. LOL.
                                Comedy Club Chez ONdaddy .. you're a funny guy. BTW .. the above will never happen, unless its ex EOW.

                                But thanks for your good humor.

                                Comment

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