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  • #16
    Thanks for the advice.
    All the above has basically been done

    That’s why filing for emergency motion to get in front of a judge in the next couple weeks. Because this is unacceptable, irrational and in no way the best interests of the child. Simply because she wants to claim abuse and hide behind “for our kids safety”.

    Just yesterday she said I can’t wait for court and the judge hand it to you because I’ve been more than reasonable and your selfish, YET he’s suggesting 50/50 and she demands sole with visits sprinkled in here and there when she sees fit

    Sooooo frustrating.


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    • #17
      Unfortunately this is not an emergency. His motion will be dismissed.

      One time, after 3 years of status quo custody in my favour, my ex told me that he was not going to let me have our daughter back at the end of his time. (Nothing was court ordered yet). When I spoke to a lawyer and asked if I could file an emergency motion to get her back to me if he did this, they flat out told me no. There is no emergency if one parent is just being an unreasonable dick. They told me I MAY be able to file an urgent motion, but again, the outcome would not be guaranteed. Luckily the ex’s bark was worse than his bite, and I never had to go through with it though.

      Your friend is still seeing his kid (although sparingly). The kid is in no immediate physical danger. It sucks, but he’s going to have to push through like everyone else.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by phatkid77 View Post
        Simply because she wants to claim abuse and hide behind “for our kids safety”.


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        Oh shit. I missed this part. If she’s already started making these claims WATCH OUT. Seriously.

        They will get in front of a judge for this emergency motion, she will feel threatened and call out abuse. The judge will refuse to make a decision based solely on this statement. And then to top it off your ex has opened up a whole new can of worms to deal with in future proceedings.

        Tread super fucking carefully moving forward.

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        • #19
          Yeah. And he could play that card too. She thinks he can’t. But I’m trying to keep calm so when I’m court he has been reasonable. Because if he did that. She would call the police which no one wants, but because there is no order. They will just leave.
          It enrages me common sense is void here

          Now, you mention urgent motion? What’s that. I agree not really an emergency per se, but waiting months or more for court is a joke!

          Is that a different form? Or just write urgent instead of emergency on the 14A


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          • #20
            So, googled and I guess ours would be classified as urgent since we are giving notice, emergency is without I guess.


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            • #21
              Yes I’m not 100% as I never actually had to file one. Perhaps more seasoned members can chime in on this one

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              • #22
                I may have missed this...but does your friend want 50/50 with a toddler?

                What's the current childcare situation like? do they use a day care? Do they both have 9-5? Not that any of that should be an impediment to 50/50...but I think people get invested in the fight and don't stop enough to think about what they can handle and what their limitations are.

                If she assaulted him, any charges laid? or is it a straight he-said-she-said? Do they both have a history of violence?

                If she is the one throwing elbows- is SHE safe to be around the kid? Anger issues?

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                • #23
                  Yep.
                  He wants 50/50. Toddler is in daycare and for the past year he’s the one to drop off and pick up.
                  No charges laid, literally he said she said

                  He doesn’t want a fight. He just wants a schedule and apparently that’s unreasonable


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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by phatkid77 View Post
                    No no. Re read. SHE assaulted him
                    Oh, then he needs to move back home immediately.

                    Why would he leave an "assaultive" mother alone with his child?

                    Also, was there an actual assault? Why on earth did he not call the police?

                    But, seriously, how is it not immediately obvious that he needs to move back home?

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                    • #25
                      Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
                      does your friend want 50/50 with a toddler? ... I think people get invested in the fight and don't stop enough to think about what they can handle and what their limitations are.
                      Would you ask the same question if a mother wanted 50/50 parenting time with a toddler and currently had none? I would presume that every parent desires and can handle 100% custody unless demonstrated otherwise.

                      You gotta admit iona, that was a rather sexist query you put forth there

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by Janus View Post
                        Oh, then he needs to move back home immediately.



                        Why would he leave an "assaultive" mother alone with his child?



                        Also, was there an actual assault? Why on earth did he not call the police?



                        But, seriously, how is it not immediately obvious that he needs to move back home?


                        Well I think he hoped after the first day/week of emotion she would come back to reality. But it’s apparent that’s not happening..

                        Calling the police never really a “great idea”. She would likely start hitting herself and then he ends up getting charged (it’s happened... domestic calls are serious biz. They will charge both and let the courts decide)

                        I mean moving back would be a “fix” to seeing child. But no way anything good comes of it

                        I recall staying there and my ex constantly antagonizing me. Not coming home so I could go to work while I have my son. Ect ext ext



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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by Janus View Post
                          Would you ask the same question if a mother wanted 50/50 parenting time with a toddler and currently had none? I would presume that every parent desires and can handle 100% custody unless demonstrated otherwise.

                          You gotta admit iona, that was a rather sexist query you put forth there
                          I don't think it was. Yes, I would ask the same question of a woman- are you ready to be 100% parent, or even a 100% parent 50% of the time. My best friend is separating from her husband and I told her she straight up needs to look at whether the kids need to be with her 50% of the time or maybe less. Because frankly, I don't think she wants to parent at a 100% even it was only 50% of the time. She's a great mom- but her and her husband share the parenting a lot. She's able to live the life she has- and she wants BECAUSE her husband is able to be there with the kids. I think divorcing parents- mothers and fathers forget that.

                          That's what I really mean by asking that question of what do you want.


                          Originally posted by phatkid77 View Post
                          Yep.
                          He wants 50/50. Toddler is in daycare and for the past year he’s the one to drop off and pick up.
                          No charges laid, literally he said she said

                          He doesn’t want a fight. He just wants a schedule and apparently that’s unreasonable


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                          Does he have a support network to act as the 100% parent for 50% of the time? Again- I think if he doesn't that doesn't mean he shouldn't go for or get 50/50- I just mean to say- it will affect how 50/50 comes about.

                          What IS actually better for the child? Are there siblings in play? (including half siblings)

                          I'm of a different opinion than most on this site- in high conflict situations I don't think children need to be shared 50/50 like a toy. Especially when the child is young. All the studies that I've read and secondary literature always seem to put the caveat to the finding of shared physical custody > sole custody, that this is in situation where it is not extremely high conflict or there is a history of family violence.

                          Again- I ask- since violence seems to be an issue in your friends situation- what's the history there, with the mom?

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                          • #28
                            There is half siblings and the schedule proposed is fair in that they would still them and have a relationship like nothing has changed.. but nope. Sole or nothing on their end
                            The family violence... arguments. Yelling ect. But of course now claiming physical because it helps their agenda... NEVER a police call.... never to the hospital. Just regular fights when both get hot. Of course, her side, his side and the truth... but given everything it’s very clear the angle trying to be taken...
                            again, the above case law and even the Dicorce Act state... past events won’t be used in determining best interest of the child.. even if they fought weekly, does it effect his ability to be a good parent? No.
                            Just an ploy in lining lawyer pockets


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                            • #29
                              Originally posted by phatkid77 View Post
                              again, the above case law and even the Dicorce Act state... past events won’t be used in determining best interest of the child.. even if they fought weekly, does it effect his ability to be a good parent? No.
                              Just an ploy in lining lawyer pockets


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                              Actually- past events can be considered. See section 24 of the Children's Law Reform Act, section 24(3) discussing past events has to be read in relation to section 24(4):

                              ....
                              Past conduct
                              (3) A person’s past conduct shall be considered only,

                              (a) in accordance with subsection (4); or

                              (b) if the court is satisfied that the conduct is otherwise relevant to the person’s ability to act as a parent. 2006, c. 1, s. 3 (1); 2016, c. 23, s. 7 (2).

                              Violence and abuse
                              (4) In assessing a person’s ability to act as a parent, the court shall consider whether the person has at any time committed violence or abuse against,

                              (a) his or her spouse;

                              (b) a parent of the child to whom the application relates;

                              (c) a member of the person’s household; or

                              (d) any child. 2006, c. 1, s. 3 (1); 2016, c. 23, s. 7 (2, 3).

                              ....


                              Violence is going to be a crapshoot if it's he-said-she-said.

                              If I were him- I'd get myself into counselling quicktime- and try to address the issue. Doesn't matter who started it- he has to show that he won't use violence, derogatory language, etc etc...don't miss this opportunity to show that he can learn and grow from their past situations, etc.

                              Instead of throwing out offers of just time- couple it it up with family counseling, and family mediation, etc etc etc...

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                              • #30
                                Good call. Thanks
                                And he will 100% he doesn’t care. Just wants child.
                                Meeting with CAS as well, let’s be honest if she’s SOOOO WORRIED... why has she not filed a report?


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