Constant Interference

[Mother]

Hello everyone,

I need your suggestion, please.

What can be done if one party (custodial parent de facto) would regularily interfere with accessing parent's time? Every now and then a request is made to interrupt eow access because this parent has some family even(s) planned for that same day that falls on eow parenting time and is threatening to file a motion if eow parent doesn't comply.

On the other hand, eow parent made hundred of requests for access, never had any holiday or extended statutory weekend with the child because the custodial parent deniled ALL of this requests.

Please suggest what can be done.

Thank ou muchly.

[dad2bandm]

The "custodial" parent knows the outlined schedule (I'm assuming you have a court order), therefore, they can plan family events during their time.

If you don't agree to your EOW access being interrupted, simply say you don't agree to this change, and offer some other dates, that work for you, if you want.

If the other "custodial" parent wishes to file a motion, because they are interferring with access, let them.

[dad2bandm]

You might want to post confirmation that you have a court order, and some details around the "non-custodial" parents access schedule. If it's outlined in an order, that is what people need to follow, if there is not "agreement" to a change in schedule. Without an order, it's a little more "fuzzy".

All such communication regarding these requested schedule changes, need to be in writing. (ex. email is a good form of documenation). You keep these emails. The point being, that if this continues to be a problem, you have it in writing. If the other parent is making "court threats" in such requests for schedule changes, that is also useful to have in writing.

You document your responses, where you politely decline said requests for changes to the schedule. That way, you show you did not agree to any such change.

If the "custodial" or problem parent, does file a motion or take you to court over this, they will look like the "problem", if your original scenario you described, is how things are. If they do take you to court, you ask for costs for being dragged to court.

[DowntroddenDad]

Just a thought to add to the already correct advise...

I might suggest the EOW parent document every single instance of being denied access. Hopefully these requests and denials are in email or in writing. Then when there are enough of them, get a contempt motion filed.

It would be important to show that the EOW parent is flexible on time, but not on the amount of access. In other words, paint the picture that the EOW parent is flexible enough to allow for the child to go to a special event, but that the primary custodial parent is taking advanatage of the situation to lower over all access, without suggesting alternative days. That way you can demonstrate that they are not working in the best interests of the child, which is to have access to both parents.

You could even use that in an attempt to get more access than current.

[dad2bandm]

Having said all that...
If you receive such requests, and had nothing special planned during one of those requested weekends, you could agree to such changes, if it benefits the child(ren).

ex.
Well, I have nothing planned this weekend anyway, and little Billy would probably have a lot of fun at birthday party.
Then you could agree to this, and perhaps ask for some "makeup" time or alternative time in return, because you conceded part of your weekend. Again, document such requests.

[dad2bandm]

DowntroddenDad beat me, in my typing. :-)

That is the whole point, yes. Document in writing these conversations, and be reasonable.

DowntroddenDad has good point as well, about any denial of access on the part, of the other parent, but it wasn't clear if that is happening or not.

[dad2bandm]

If there is no "give and take" coming from the other parent (the custodial one), and I only had EOW access to see my kids, then I would likely not want to give up the little time I had with them.

[Mess]

Then you could agree to this, and perhaps ask for some "makeup" time or alternative time in return, because you conceded part of your weekend. Again, document such requests.

I am with up until "perhaps you could ask.." Makeup time should be a given assumption. The response should be, "sure, no problem, we'll switch that weekend with following weekend." Don't word things as though the other party has the control.

Do it by email so there is a written confirmation. Don't ask whether you can pick up the child on the makeup week; just pick up the child.

[Mother]

As usual on this site, I got great responses fro you guy. Thank you hugely!

The existing access was discessed and agreed upon via communications between the two laywers.

There is a court order but I don't remember the details, will need to check in later.

The custodial parent is a super high conflict and has a reverse psycology (examples are to many and to particular to mention here and it's irrelevant really).

Yes, court threat is in writing.


The "custodial" parent's hundren of denials are very well documented

"Taking advantage" is exactly what's going on

Denial of access was happening before (a lot) and is hannening now as well.

Thank you very much guys.

[HammerDad]

As mentioned very correctly above, simply state that you are willing to consider allowing the child attend the event, but only if you get make-up time. You then give 3 or so dates that work for you that will allow the time to be made up either before the change or as soon as possible afterwards. And that if none of your dates work for them, that they provide you a few to choose from.

My only addition to what all the other posters wisely provided, that you do your best to get your makeup time first. Reason being is that once the other parent has gotten what they need, the urgency to work with you is gone. And then they may become less cooperative and renege on the makeup time. Should they do that though, that gives you solid ammo to refuse any changes in the future. State that due to their refusal to abide by the agreement for makeup time, that you are unwilling to agree to any future changes unless you receive your makeup time prior to the proposed change, as your time with the child important to you and that they have shown that they are not trustworthy when it comes to fulfilling their obligations relating to any changes.

But, if possible, get your makeup time first.

[Tayken]

But, if possible, get your makeup time first.

And in writing... Not an email... But a properly served agreement that is signed by BOTH parties to the agreement. A proper offer to settle that is made in accordance with Rule 18 of the FLR that can be enforced should the other parent re-neg on the agreement.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[wretchedotis]

The response should be, "sure, no problem, we'll switch that weekend with following weekend." Don't word things as though the other party has the control.

Excellent way to try and 'lead' the interaction without being a jerk.
Little things like this make all the difference. Just my experience.

I should note: It's just as important that you're not 'demanding' make-up time, you are 'assuming' it instead. Little things make life a lot easier.