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  • So how long Would you expect a judge to take consider all the facts in this motion that is coming up? Do you really think he/ she will worry about peoples family titles?

    I work with a group of youth and did a quick survey. Out of 13 children 4 are from what is referred to as an " intact" family! Original Mom and Dad and siblings. The other 9 are part of blended families and refer to half siblings and non bio,parent in many different ways.

    So really in the grand scheme of things I doubt if the judge ( who has seen it all) will pay much attention to anyones title except that of Mom and Dad and D4.

    Also D4 might be the smartest kid on the block but she still is only just turned 4 and cannot possibly get all this appropriate title stuff straight.

    My Grandson, who is 3 1/2 and of course darn smart calls every close family friend Auntie or Uncle and anyone else Mr. .... Or Mrs....or Ms...

    Who really cares!

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    • One of my kids once asked my if they now had to call my girlfriend, who was moving in, "mom" or "stepmom".

      My answer:

      "She's going to be doing mom things for you, but you can call her (her name). You don't have to call her mom or stepmom unless that is what you feel in your heart."

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      • Originally posted by rockscan View Post
        Theres one thing thats been bothering me for a while with your ex. The fact that she hasnt been doing anything in the past year.

        In most cases, abused people get help and get back to living once they have left their abuser. Just following her attitude that you are an abusive a-hole, she left you a year ago. She got set up with supports and counseling and the like. But shes done nothing since. No school, no classes to get working, no future plans other than going back to QC. She married you, had a child with you and stayed 3 years with you. She knew eventually that she would have to work again, why hadnt she done some work in the last four years to make herself available for a job? If it was because she was "abused", why hasnt she spent the last year working on improving her employment status?

        Thats the part that really needs some focus. Her motives. She never intended to work in ON so this was all part of the plan to go back to QC.
        She married you, had a child with you and stayed 3 years with you
        We were engaged. And we were together for 8 years.

        why hadnt she done some work in the last four years to make herself available for a job
        Thats the funny part. She worked our entire relationship, outside of her pregnancy. She even had maternity leave. Our agreement was that she would return to work for dual income. Had she not deleted all the texts off my phone we had a nice discussion saying this via text.

        Thats the part that really needs some focus. Her motives. She never intended to work in ON so this was all part of the plan to go back to QC.
        Nope. I know she's taking Spanish Classes. Thats it. OCL report she says shes returnign to work as a paralegal when D4 goes to SK. Problem is she knows she cant be a paralegal in ON without additional education. Only QC.

        Motives are very important here.

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        • Thats what Im saying. Spanish in the US for work maybe. Spanish in Canada? Not really. Her motives (including the abduction) speak volumes about her attitude for your rights as a father. Thats why that statement in the comm book about 50/50 and VISITATION are so important.

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          • Funny, I took my partners kids to a movie once and his ex lost her mind. His kids over the last two years have struggled with who I am in his life in relation to them. Theyre teens. He explained it as we love each other and are in a relationship together. He expects them to treat me with the same respect they would any other adult in their life. They were fine with it. It was his ex who had a problem worrying that shes "their mother". When you put a label on something you add more pressure to it. I have ZERO desire to be ANYONES mother. However I do expect that our relationship will be respected. For people with small children there is more of a hands on aspect to it so they do "parent things" and their children do "sibling things". Its a given, you cant stop it from happening and at 4 of course shes going to be confused. Hell her mom is telling people that these shelter volunteers are experts! Or doctors!!!

            For LF32, Ive never seen him as shacking up with someone else. He wanted a long term relationship, hes a committed guy, he thought he had it and lost it. Through all this he met someone and fell in love. I dont think his "issues" would lead to a break up unless his partner suddenly decided she didnt want anything more to do with the crazy. (And as someone who deals with a milder form of crazy, I feel for this woman.)

            Can we please stop labelling people and relationships and assuming that because x happened to a large group of people y is going to happen absolutely? Yes he is in a new parenting situation with another person. Yes that person has a daughter. Yes D4 sees her as a sister. That could be as much of a good thing as it is a bad thing.

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            • I feel like this is not difficult.

              In court it's ... my g/f
              my g/f 's daughter
              My daughter has a very warm and close relationship with my girlfriend and my girlfriends daughter.

              If ex wants to talk about the 2 girls calling each other "sissy" .. I'm fine with that. I know what I'm going to say.

              But trust me .. it won't shed me in a negative light and the judge will have much bigger fish to fry.

              By the way .. Im not heading in to the court room preaching "step-sister this" and "step-parents" that. I hope you don't think I'm that faded. But I do have rebuttals of ex does.

              I'm still very happy that D4 has blended on with ease and feels this comfortable after a year. A true family atmosphere with lots of love, affection and care. Talk about best interests of the child.
              Last edited by LovingFather32; 06-12-2015, 02:54 PM.

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              • Double post

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                • It also shows that d4 is comfortable with things and she isnt having adjustment issues.

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                  • Originally posted by OntarioDaddy View Post
                    That's good. Hopefully it's a non issue at court then. Maybe you should still use the "like a" metaphor?

                    In ODF land, my follow up question would be why is it not ok for court, but is ok at home?
                    It's actually okay everywhere.....just not my emphasis.

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                    • Ex' says in communication book now that "d4 doesn't feel comfortable opening up to me". I'm confused. D4 lets me know if anything is bothering her.

                      So...in the past ex said D4 wouldn't open up to her after my visits... Now she says she opens up to her but doesn't open up to me. (Like how would she even know?..lol)

                      Also went on about how tired she is after visits and reminded me not to talk to D4 about what's written in the comm book...that it's between us. What the hell? As if I would ever.

                      Also...I guess she felt comfortable around me today because invited me directly to her doorstep again...in writing..(but won't go to a dr appt. with me about her concerns of d4...because she's uncomfortable).

                      The games are exhausting.

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                      • Again your daughter has just turned 4. I rather doubt she has actually expressed to her Mom that she is uncomfortable opening up to you. I doubt she even knows what the those words mean and what the concept is.

                        It appears Mom grills, her for tidbits, after her visits It is a shame she is putting your daughter in the middle of her crazies.

                        Her comments in the communication book should go against her, as the communication book is not the appropriate place for all this stuff.

                        As long as your comments are child focussed and positvie I would,notmpay much attention to it. If at any time your ex feels the book will,not work to her advantage then you can be sure the book will get lost! Your fault of course. So make copies of anything you need in case the book goes missing.

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                        • Originally posted by dad2bandm View Post
                          The other blended-family/relationship was only being looked at or considered so much, because the mother decided to move to another city, and was also involving a school change to the new city.
                          Bang on!

                          Originally posted by OntarioDaddy View Post
                          The question is how should LF32 address gf/d8 in court and how that may affect him.
                          Perhaps he can say that they live as a family unit; rather than step dads, step sisters and wife/husband – this will avoid (from your perspective) the judge from throwing the gavel at them.

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                          • Perhaps you have to revisit the purpose of the communication book. Time to remind your ex that the communication book is a tool to tell each other about important things going on in D4's life for the week is it not? Homework, how she is doing with different subjects etc. Pick up and drop off schedules. Upcoming school events or other activities which would necessitate different clothing (swimming, beach, sun tan lotion, bug spray.

                            The communication book was not intended as a weapon for child custody. I'd warn her that you will not participate in communication which isn't child-focussed and conversations which are critical and trying to put the other parent in a poor light. (you know the words to use). Your child's privacy should be guarded and therefore I think the content should be monitored.

                            What was this book initially intended for? Our Family Wizzard might be worthwhile revisiting again.

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                            • Arabian..

                              Yesterday's comm. Book reply from ex stated that she couldn't use the Internet because she didn't have a computer nor Internet. ..except on her cell which has limited data.

                              That's her answer for everything regarding that issue. I feel like reminding her that there's WiFi almost everywhere nowadays. ...but I don't want to continue it.

                              Communication book is just her weapon. Every time there a swarm of 6-7 issues. Pretty hard to keep up with.

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                              • Again time to initial the bottom of each page scan all. It will be disappearing soon.

                                Op will always do what she wants or what ever old hag mom tells her these are all gift LF great way to show the court who is the real issue.

                                so no computer....hard to find a job then. Oh and the center for her class and all the bogus stuff, they should have access to computers. Check web site print out the page with the services they offer, list the local libraries in her area, all the tims and mcd. As well as old hags area.

                                Say nothing to her about it just keep it for court. Your job LF is to counter her lies.
                                Last edited by good_mom; 06-13-2015, 09:35 AM.

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