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Is "Custody" overblown ?

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  • #31
    Originally posted by Tayken View Post
    To answer the thread's topic: Is "custody" overblown?

    In the matter of a 13 year old yes, custody is overblown. Why? Because a child of 13 can walk into their family practitioner of medicine, dentist and other health care professionals and have a very frank and candid conversation and successfully remove their parents from accessing their medical records. There is no "age" at which a child cannot do this and it is at the discretion of the medical professional to act on the request of their client.

    So, a child of 13, who is only 1 year from being 14 and out of scope of the Criminal Code of Canada for "abduction" charges against either parent too.

    So, is custody of a "13 year old child" really overblown... yes, because a mature and educated 13 year old can call Kid's Help Phone and basically get the information on how to bar both their parents from interfering with their medical needs.

    11, 10 and 9... Not so important either as a doctor and the school will listen to what the children want/say. It is very hard for a parent to manipulate a "custodial decision" of any child who is over 9 generally unless they are engaged in HAP/PAS patterns of behaviour. This would have to be extreme and the other parent generally would be egging your car and insulting you on facebook. Generally there is more evidence of negative parental influence (NPI) than one can shake a stick at... In those cases of NPI it is often more difficult to choose what the best evidence is to present in the case of NPI.

    Change a 10 or 11 year old child's school randomly and without good cause and they will protest and it won't be fun for either parent. Uprooting a child's friends and social setting at that age isn't advisable... Especially to "win" custody... The court won't find it funny.




    What a lot of people don't realize in the custody vs. access debate that as a parent the more time with the child you spend the more influence you have over the child. I would advise anyone who has the opportunity to get 50% access (equal residence) over "full custody/joint custody" to really consider that opportunity. Especially with children who are 13, 11, 10 and 9 years of age.

    Basically, come to an agreement that the children's school can't change without both parent's consent and that their habitual residential location can't be change from a 15 KM radius from their current school and you are all set.

    What you will find is that having 50% residency is more influential than anything "joint custody" could get you if you are a good parent. You will be hard pressed to find an "alienated" child who has joint residency (50% access - equal residency - shared custody) with both parents. If you are a good parent and present in your children's lives they will naturally come to you and seek your input on their "custodial" needs.

    Time is more important to your children than "custody". Your children see your involvement in their lives every day and the more you are involved in their lives, the more they will realize you are truly a parent... Not what some agreement states. No court order can prevent your child from asking your opinion of what they should do in school, their medical needs etc...

    Good Luck!
    Tayken

    Taken... deepest thanks. I feel better now. Why can't my a**hole lawyer speak as candidly?

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    • #32
      Originally posted by Tayken View Post
      If convicted of intimate partner abuse you need to do the following:

      1. Seek mental health help in the immediate. I am talking a psychologist / psychiatrist - not a "social worker".

      Start on a treatment therapy even if it was a "one time occurrence" as you stated. Someone reputable and I recommend CBT based treatment. You do this because it is in the BEST INTEREST of your children - not because you are admitting to "guilt" nor is it because you are "mentally ill".

      This is what any self respecting person (in my opinion) would do. They would seek help from a qualified clinician, work with that clinician, listen to that clinician and then get them to provide a treatment overview and report. Someone REPUTABLE.

      2. You take parental classes. All of them. Every single parental class that your local CAS has listed. Every single one.

      Then you research more. You take them all. You get your certificates. Again, you do this to demonstrate that you are not crazy and that you will do anything, even take parental classes to be a parent. You demonstrate you are committed parent by doing this.

      You can't remove the incident of intimate partner abuse but, you can demonstrate to the court you are humble, will seek help when needed (if if not needed) and will do everything to demonstrate to anyone and anybody you are a good parent. You be very humble and you accept that you need to do step #1 and #2 and do it without complaint.

      I even recommend this to people who have been accused false allegations of "domestic violence". True "domestic abusers" don't seek help, they don't seek out medical assistance and they rarely if ever take parental courses generally. Those who engage in "intimate partner abuse" be it any gender or sexual orientation have a very similar "MO"... They are not to blame or it was "only a one time occurrence". They are generally not self reflective.

      Hard to do anything if you have a reputable psychologist/psychiatrist who provides an expert report that states you have been to (over 10) sessions and they are of the medical opinion that you pose no threat to the children or the other parent for further incidents of abuse.

      Good Luck!
      Tayken
      Taken, thanks for your response. I am following the above advice closely.

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