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Old 01-21-2010, 01:08 AM
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Adelweiss Adelweiss is offline
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Default New partners

My stbxh wants to state in our separation agreement that my children, ages 11-16, cannot have contact with the man I am now seeing. Can he do that?
Old 01-21-2010, 08:56 AM
Foredeck Foredeck is offline
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Not unless he has a good reason for it.

Unless your new partner can harm your children, no judge would grant him this.

Does your new partner have any conviction or is he abusive? If not, I would simply say no.

I had similar demands, but a bit less outrageous, and I simply said too bad. I told my ex that our daughter is healthy and safe when with us, and that she enjoys it. I told her that our daughter is my number 1 priority, but that I have the right to move on and be happy.

I would recommend not negotiating on it, just say no. If you start negotiating, he'll continue making outrageous demands.
Old 01-21-2010, 11:02 AM
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I think its a natural reaction for parents to want their children sheltered from new significant others in their ex's life. But I wonder how he would feel if he put those shoes on himself, and the roles were reversed?

It's a ridiculaous request, unless there is a potential for harm coming to the children.

Having said that, I also beleive its a good idea to keep any new love life out of your childrens eyes. I don't know how long has passed from your seperation to now, but especially in the early stages, its probably not a good idea to be flaunting your new man to your children.

Thats not to say they shouldn't meet him and spend some time around. Just keep it low-key and try to consider your childrens feelings first.
Old 01-21-2010, 12:13 PM
billiechic billiechic is offline
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I too think it is not something that should be stated in a SA.
If it is a serious relationship, then you would want your children to know the person in your life. Also, a good parent should be able to decide whether their children are ready to meet a new person. At 11 and 16 they will have their own opinions. You should be honouring their wishes and if they want to meet your new love, then nobody should be able to tell them they can't.

If you do decide to include it you will need to include some information about when this condition ends. (when kids are 18, when you marry the new guy, when you get engaged, if you move in together, after 6 months exclusive dating. when the kids express a wish to meet etc....) see how easily this could become a new battleground? Who decides when they are ready? This is a decision that is best left up to you, or your ex if he has a new GF. NOT an SA that is legally binding.
Old 01-21-2010, 03:07 PM
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Adelweiss Adelweiss is offline
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Thanks for the input! My kids have not met my new love yet but they know he exists. And no, he would never harm my children. He has two kids of his own, but they are much younger. I don't plan on introducing my kids to him until they are ready and right now, they aren't. So I'll be patient.
Old 01-21-2010, 04:28 PM
independentgal independentgal is offline
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Exes who have a hard time getting over their spouse are the only ones who would ever ask for such a clause(assuming friend is not convicted of violent crime etc).

It is totally wrong for a parent to request this. It is equally wrong for a parent to sign such a document. Ridiculous. The only time this is warranted is if a parent is living with a violent criminal, drug addict etc. And even in that case, I don't think it can be done unless it is proven the person has harmed the child, at which time, the person would be named in the order.

I would assume that your ex wants this to control your personal life.
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