Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > General Chat

General Chat This forum is for discussing anything that doesn't fit into another forum, or for discussing things that are off topic, or just for general venting.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 09-07-2008, 05:47 PM
blindsided blindsided is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 47
blindsided is on a distinguished road
Default Would it be wrong to send pictures to her husband

Hi, This is whats going on, I confronted my husband of 22 years about his cell bill, phone bills were 200. a month from him calling his co-worker,if it wasnt bad enough that i trusted him being picked up from her daily. Any way when i confronted him, he said he didnt love me anymore, that he loved her, he left that day and hasnt been back,except for on 2 seperate occasions for sex only i guess, cuase now he says he will never come back. says it not her that they are just friends but i had to keep my sanity so i drove by his apt and sure enough ,her car is there, for 7 hours not just for coffee i guess, she came out with my x's dog she kissing and hugging my ex, i knew it was because of her, but she still trying to say thier just friends, so i want to show her husband the pictures what do others think about this
  #2  
Old 09-07-2008, 06:38 PM
Kimberley's Avatar
Kimberley Kimberley is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 477
Kimberley is on a distinguished road
Default

Hopefully this doesn't come across as rude, but what you are doing is called criminal harassment.
Instead of taking a vindictive, and frankly a criminal route, find yourself a therapist, and then a lawyer & get a divorce.
  #3  
Old 09-07-2008, 07:35 PM
blindsided blindsided is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 47
blindsided is on a distinguished road
Default

i didnt know that this was against the law, me taking pictures is against the law? or me telling husband? Im having a realy hard time execpting him leaving me and our boys. Sad to think that i would take him back if he wanted to come back. How do you get over someone, thats done this to you. I cant understand why she would want to leave a finanical stable home for someone thats living pay cheque to pay cheque.If i or i should say when i go see a lawyer how long does it take to get seperation agreement done up.

Sad to think my 18 year old was mad at me so he text his dad and asked if he could stay there, dads answer was wait till your done college, great support hes getting from dad when son wanted it. Guess he didnt want son there would interupt his having affair with married woman. What to do. I guess im crazy for saying i would take him back, but i love him that much,have to wonder if she will leave her husband?

You think she would worry what co-workers would think of her oh ya by the way my 19 year old is one of those co-workers, he hasnt seen anything but told my niece that hes not stupid that you just dont leave home with no excuse. He was mad one day and said i should just go there and punch whore in the head,husband is hurting us all, but hes just thinking of himself.

Him saying i can have car ,house, everything that he doesnt want it just wants out. I think he will be surprized when i ask to split cpp cause i always depended on him finanicaly, and will be asking for spousal support, i dont think he knows that i can ask for that,or that im entitled to it.

Last edited by blindsided; 09-07-2008 at 07:47 PM. Reason: add more
  #4  
Old 09-07-2008, 08:42 PM
Kimberley's Avatar
Kimberley Kimberley is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 477
Kimberley is on a distinguished road
Default

The problem is that you're hurt & angry right now & you need to step back a bit to calm down. Regardless of what you think of them in your head, you need to avoid using nasty words to describe them to your own children, adult or not.
  #5  
Old 09-08-2008, 09:07 AM
FL_Needs_To_Change's Avatar
FL_Needs_To_Change FL_Needs_To_Change is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Northern Ontario
Posts: 1,261
FL_Needs_To_Change has a spectacular aura aboutFL_Needs_To_Change has a spectacular aura about
Default

I agree with "AndrewsKim", it is understandable that you still
have feeling for him, after all he fell out of love with you, not the other way around.
You need to accept this and take the steps to change your heart to at least accept it as well.
You cannot move on and still hang onto a person like this.
He does not have the same feelings anymore and you will only hurt yourself more to continue this way. Talk to friends and family, grieve if you have to see a therapist, what ever it take so that you can deal and move on and concentrate on the boys. They need you just as much as they need dad. And if Dad cannot be there for them emotionally then you need to pick up the slack.


This is a great forum for info on how to get through the Family Law system.

Best of luck
  #6  
Old 09-08-2008, 11:58 AM
phoenix phoenix is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 108
phoenix is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by blindsided View Post
i didnt know that this was against the law, me taking pictures is against the law? or me telling husband? Im having a realy hard time execpting him leaving me and our boys. Sad to think that i would take him back if he wanted to come back. How do you get over someone, thats done this to you. I cant understand why she would want to leave a finanical stable home for someone thats living pay cheque to pay cheque.If i or i should say when i go see a lawyer how long does it take to get seperation agreement done up.

Sending photos one time would probably not be criminal harassment. Sending something threatening would be. Or sending stuff over and over and over again with the intent to harass would be. But a one-time mailing of some photos, I don't think so.

Nevertheless, I don't recommend it.

Right now you are feeling raw, angry, betrayed, abandoned and devastated. Don't do anything rash because of those feelings. Somewhere down the road you'll only feel embarassed by your actions.

If it helps, take comfort in knowing that unfortunately you are not the first person to be in your situation. You won't be the last. It hurts beyond description.

Now is the time to focus on taking care of yourself and your kids, emotionally and physically.

There is all kinds of help out there. Talk to your family doctor... they know of community counselling that doesn't cost anything. Or your minister. Or a friend who has been there/ done that. Or talk to us here.

I would recommend you get started on a Separation Agreement sooner rather than later. I found that with my ex, he was so enraptured with the new girlfriend that he had no time or interest in participating in co-operating to draw up an agreement. He also, very quickly, preferred to spend money on HER instead of the family he dumped. I wasted a LOT of precious time with back and forth mailings (2 years) and when I finally got fed up with him and with my own lawyer saying "well, NEXT month we'll file an Application", I fired her and filed my own Application. Even then it took a year and a half in court to get it finalized.

You can do this. You aren't alone.
  #7  
Old 09-08-2008, 01:17 PM
Kimberley's Avatar
Kimberley Kimberley is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 477
Kimberley is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by phoenix
Sending photos one time would probably not be criminal harassment. Sending something threatening would be. Or sending stuff over and over and over again with the intent to harass would be. But a one-time mailing of some photos, I don't think so.
I actually meant the part where she sat outside his apartment, knew the length of time she was there, and watched while they walked the dog (or walked outside with it, whichever is the case).
My ex did this stuff, knew even those small details, and he was warned by the police that he would be charged if it didn't stop. So that is how I meant it.
On the flip-side, the other reason I don't agree with mailing photos - what if they have children too (the female in all this) and they see that mail. It certainly wouldn't be fair to drag them so harshly into this for something that the adults are at fault for doing.
  #8  
Old 09-08-2008, 02:07 PM
paris paris is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 578
paris is on a distinguished road
Default

You asked "would it be wrong". I'm pretty sure it would be, but I'm absolutely sure it wouldn't be right. What possible good could come from that action? Would it make you feel better? Or do you want everyone involved to feel as bad as you? I'm not sure how you thought stalking them would help you keep your sanity.

You've been to the thread "... wanting to save marriage". You said yourself you did every thing it says not to... and you wished you'd read this before. I've come across most of your posts, and you seem more interested in getting revenge against him (and her). You want CS, SS, pensions... yet you want him to keep his name on the mortgage to help you?

You need to forget about him and move on with your life. If you can't sort out how to do that on your own, get some help.
  #9  
Old 09-08-2008, 04:21 PM
blindsided blindsided is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 47
blindsided is on a distinguished road
Default

Yes, i did ask if its possible if i could keep his name on the mortage because,he is the one that said that everything was great in our relationship, when i told him that i was afraid to take buy out, that i wouldnt be able to live on 500. a month on my own ,i am on disability. Everything was great until she started picking him up for work what a fool i was to trust him. Should have known better with his track record of infidelity. This isnt the first time i sure wont be his last.

Then when he left and will not sit down and talk about any finanicial stuff at all, i have lots to lose and like i said i always depended on him, his little head thinking for big one.

Yes i am hurting but hes not giving me any respect trying to make it like its all in my head,if i was her husband i would like if someone told me what was going on, her husband is a trucker and is only home on weekends so he dont know whats going on sure he would like to know.rather than be dumped like i was, didnt even see it coming.

What kind of man is that just drops his whole family when they need him, we did everything together, no reason everything was good till i confronted him about cell bill. I guess no back bone. Well i hope one day what went around will come around, he said he loved her, i hope she's using him for attention(sex) and she doesnt leave her husband and he will be left lonely

Last edited by blindsided; 09-08-2008 at 04:23 PM. Reason: add
  #10  
Old 09-08-2008, 05:50 PM
paris paris is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 578
paris is on a distinguished road
Default

I'm a little confused. He said he loved her? In your first post you said he told you they were just friends.

If he has any understanding of how hurt and vindictive you're feeling, he should absolutely get his name off of the house.

By all means show her husband the pictures. Then you and he can sit outside and watch them together, maybe have a coffee. Maybe he'll throw her out and she'll end up with your husband. So much for him being lonely.

I know I'm being harsh here, but something about your posts just don't sit right with me.

There are steps you can take to help yourself financially. You can ask for SS, and probably CS or help with your son at school. You are entitled to a portion of his pension, but will not likely see the pension money until he retires. After those issues are resolved, find out about mortgaging. With the amount of money you put as a down payment, and increase in the home's value, you may be surprised to find the banks are willing to offer you something.

Oh, and it might be a good idea to say "NO" next time he comes back for sex.
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Is it hopeless? First case conference gone wrong....any advice is appreciated exceptiontotherules Divorce & Family Law 22 12-01-2012 04:32 PM
Posting Pictures on Facebook by other people salsero12 Divorce & Family Law 4 10-12-2011 08:37 PM
how to deal with ex's offer to settle nick2009 Divorce & Family Law 19 09-20-2010 10:47 PM
How to start divorce proceedings ASAP although husband does not want it Margaret-Krupa Divorce & Family Law 3 05-13-2010 03:54 PM
New to this Forum - lookig for advice on Separation (from husband) Margaret-Krupa Introductions 9 03-26-2010 06:03 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:43 PM.