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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 01-02-2017, 02:18 PM
stripes stripes is offline
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Default Ex puts off seeing child

Okay, how would you suggest handling this?

Ex and I have 50/50 on paper. However, Kid has been living with me full time for the last six months because ex has issues he has to work on (substance abuse and other issues), which have included hospitalization, lots of therapy, interventions, disability leaves and so forth, and also because ex's second wife doesn't want Kid in the house (I should stress that Kid is a very good kid, no behavior issues - this is part of wife 2's weird control dynamics with ex, that her kid can stay with them but his/my kid is "too much"). Lots of conflict between ex and wife #2, another reason Kid is staying with me as ex and wife #2 are in the midst of maybe, possibly, splitting up.

I am realizing that my availability to have Kid live with me full time has backfired. I've made it easy for ex to put off reintegrating Kid into his life because I am a free full-time babysitting service. This is not good for Kid because her hopes that she can spend more time with her father keep getting dashed because has has "issues he has to work on", which preclude spending time with her. He tells (via text) her how important she is to him and how much he misses her, but it's always "not a good time" for her to stay with him. I am always willing to be there for Kid in emergencies, but this is turning into the world's longest emergency. (I should also say that ex is making progress with his various issues and working at becoming a better person, which I'm glad about).

My question: is there any way to convince a parent to get his ass in gear and spend time with his child if he doesn't want her to give up on him completely, even if means spending less time working on his personal issues? I love having Kid around and am not trying to offload her. But I can see what's going on - she's losing faith in her father and pretty soon she won't care even if he does decide he wants to spend time with her.
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Old 01-02-2017, 03:00 PM
PeacefulMoments PeacefulMoments is offline
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This must all be difficult for your daughter. Perhaps her dad can start with smaller steps, but something regular that she can count on. Sunday brunch or a regular dinner date? Anything positive that keeps them in contact and having a positive connection? It sounds like you are trying your best to ensure they have a good relationship which is very commendable.
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Old 01-02-2017, 03:04 PM
stripes stripes is offline
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A regular dinner date is a great idea. And it's something I can suggest without seeming like I'm being too critical of him so he gets defensive. Thanks!
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Old 01-02-2017, 03:56 PM
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Tayken Tayken is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stripes View Post
My question: is there any way to convince a parent to get his ass in gear and spend time with his child if he doesn't want her to give up on him completely, even if means spending less time working on his personal issues? I love having Kid around and am not trying to offload her. But I can see what's going on - she's losing faith in her father and pretty soon she won't care even if he does decide he wants to spend time with her.
Unfortunately, no. You are moving towards having to file a motion for majority access and sole custody with this living arrangement.
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