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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #41  
Old 02-04-2017, 09:47 AM
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arabian arabian is offline
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I'm curious - why do you not know where your children live?
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  #42  
Old 02-04-2017, 12:45 PM
e28makaveli e28makaveli is offline
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I'm curious - why do you not know where your children live?
Because she will not disclose her home address. I can find out where they live but thought it matter of courtesy to let her disclose. Don't want to show up there and get a bullet in my head! Just like she brings her boyfriend to every exchange for protection even though I have zero history of violence. Guess these are the things you start to imagine after you've caused some shameful mischief around town. The kids are young and cannot recite their address. I am hesitant to provide more context into this but let's just say it is an interesting case, in which she also left town with the children on false pretext. My price to pay, I guess.

Wish some of these things are covered in some kind of marriage class....
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  #43  
Old 02-05-2017, 02:05 PM
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Since your primary focus is looking for opportunities to prove that I am a bad father, I doubt you will be able to see things from this other perspective.
My primary purpose is to point out to you all the things you are already doing that make you appear to be a bad father so you can stop doing them. When you have an uncooperative ex, you must conduct yourself in ways that are beyond reproach and the height of reasonableness. The actions you describe taking are not that.

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Wish some of these things are covered in some kind of marriage class....
Oh I hear you there! Better still, that marriage class should include full financial disclosure and an automatic prenup. Marriage is the only contract usually signed with next to NO knowledge about what it entails.
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  #44  
Old 02-05-2017, 04:34 PM
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From my experience of having an ex who for a long time was absolutely inflexible about changing the schedule to accommodate my work, I learned to bend work around the schedule. So I left for work trips a day late, returned a day early, and in one supposedly fun thing I will never do again, traveled to central Asia on work and returned within a week.

If you're dealing with an unreasonable person, it's useless to try to reason with them. And if they are not obligated to do something (like change the schedule by a day or two to accommodate you), they will not do it, so it's useless to ask and then get upset if they don't respond. Unreasonable people do not understand reciprocity ("Dad was flexible when I needed some extra time this summer so I'll be flexible now"). They do not grasp the concept of what-goes-around-comes-around.

I would chalk this one up to experience and let it go. Yes, your ex could have helped you out by rearranging the schedule, but she didn't have to, and so she didn't. If you expect your ex to behave the way you would behave in a similar situation, you will drive yourself crazy. Your work schedule is going to have to flex to accommodate your parenting time, not the other way around. It sucks, but until your ex gets a personality transplant, that's the way it will be.
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