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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #41  
Old 12-23-2016, 12:51 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Where is the Light View Post
Beachnana,

Thank you so very much for your advise. I am having a rather horrible time. If I don't see my children Xmas day, it will be the very first time. I am struggling!!
I am heading to the courthouse tomorrow morning.

As for family, I haven't much and they aren't nearby. Friends are with their own families, so....................

I lost a sibling this past summer. It was very unexpected, so this alone is very painful.

As for the allegations, they have not been noted exactly. Rather, it has just been a statement made.

Worse Christmas of my entire life to date! I don't know how I am going to get through this!
you need to calm down a bit. Yes you may not see the kids but there are still other holidays etc. Its not like they are dead and you will never see them again. I have a friend who lost his dad one year ago today. I think his last Christmas was probably worse then yours. You still have hope of having a relationship with your kids, its not the end of the world.

You will get through it, just like lots of other people do when they don't have a loved one around. You just need to keep busy.
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  #42  
Old 12-23-2016, 12:59 PM
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LovingFather32 LovingFather32 is offline
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I remember my first X-Mas, Easter, etc without my daughter (oh yea..she was abducted and hidden from me). Those were very hard times for me. Even at families at X-Mas I remember bringing all the stuff I was preparing for court and went to my mom's office to study how to get D5 back while everybody relaxed in the living room.
Yep .. my eyes were teary .. no sleep ... It almost ruined me.

Then I met somebody and they helped me so much. We went to the movies, cuddled, went for long walks, etc.

The sun WILL shine again. Keep your head up. This is temporary!
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  #43  
Old 12-31-2016, 08:13 PM
Aghast Aghast is offline
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Where is the light. You sound like my ex. Your situation sounds a bit like my situation in reverse so I may be able to pass on some knowledge I have gained from my son's counselor.

Background: After my separation, my ex and our son endured a volatile relationship. She accused him of being violent and she the victim. We brought our son to a counselor to help him deal with the separation and hopefully adjust his behaviour. This is what I learned: My son was the victim of projection and controlling behaviour. It seems my ex was projecting her anger toward me, onto our son and then claiming to be the victim. This was also coupled by controlling behaviour. It was explained that my ex was having trouble with our son becoming independent and she was trying to suppress it and that was met with resistance.

So...Where is the light. Are you angry with the separation? Could this be affecting your relationship with your children? Your ex asked if you wanted them for the weekend and you had to hesitate. Are you maybe hesitating because it's your ex asking?

Are you trying to control your teens too much? They're not 5 anymore, they have their own ideas. Its time to pick your battles. They are growing independent. Allow them to make decisions with your guidance. Sometimes you know its the wrong decision but as long as its only results in short term loss, let them see it for themselves. Eventually they will see that you have been right and they will start considering your guidance. They will never see this if you force the decision on them.

Rules are a good thing. Contrary to what some say about children gravitating to the parent who lets them get away with things. I believe that children want rules, they want structure. The rules should be clear. Allow your teenagers to help design the punishment for breaking a rule. Don't get angry and then arbitrarily punish them. Allow for warnings, allow for leniency but, don't be a push over.

This is what I learned from my son's counselor and it seems to work for me.
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