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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #21  
Old 12-01-2014, 12:55 PM
wantmyfreedom wantmyfreedom is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
I dont think its unreasonable for a kid to take financial responsibility for something they want like a cell phone. Maybe it could be a case of "ok you pay for a portion and mom and I will pay for a portion and we'll see how that works." It also teaches them to be responsible for costs etc. But I also like Rioes post too.
Great suggestion. It sounds like these kid's basic needs are covered. What ever happened to the good ol part time job? We were your average middle class family growing up but my siblings and I all had part time jobs growing up. A part time job teaches kids well in advance the value of a dollar.
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  #22  
Old 12-01-2014, 01:25 PM
Serene Serene is offline
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We all had jobs by age of 12. No one will hire a 12 year old these days. And most homes now have postage stamp yards which precludes grass cutting lol
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  #23  
Old 12-01-2014, 02:02 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Oh ok. I thought maybe they were 14 or something. I still agree with Rioes suggestion but stand by my statement about them not understanding. From what youve said about your situation, Im going to bet mom is fueling this too "im willing to pay half when I get nothing from your father. He makes so much money while I stay at home raising you guys. Ask him why he wont pay for it and why we're so poor." Or something to that effect.

My partner tried explaining stuff to his 19 yo and all he got was "youre cheap and hate mom/us". (Paraphrased of course)

Plus, I went to every legal appt with my mom, read every document she had, and was schooled in stuff by our lawyer, I still didnt get it. Child support and the rules around it are super confusing.
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  #24  
Old 12-01-2014, 02:20 PM
DowntroddenDad DowntroddenDad is offline
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My kids got it even when my ex didnt.

My ex shared the document with them. She hadn't worked in years, and thought I'd have lots of money. She didn't take into account that taxes and deductions take a big bite.

So I had to have the financial talk.

Takehome pay- rent, -car payment - insurance -support payements.

They got it. But the youngest was 14 at the time and good at math.

They did once ask me to take them to store for clothes. I did it (my relationship with them was tenuous at the time), then I sent a note to my ex saying that clothes should be covered under the $2XXX in support I pay a month. That was the last time.
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  #25  
Old 12-02-2014, 10:09 AM
dinkyface dinkyface is offline
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Luckily my ex desperately pretends to all that she is self-sufficient (with average taxable income <$5K over the past 13 years in her hobby business)... so I'm guessing she's not too keen to tell our D7 about the CS I pay her.
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  #26  
Old 12-02-2014, 11:04 AM
dad2bandm dad2bandm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serene View Post

...
The teen child approached dad to contribute to a phone plan. While a low dollar value, dad pays full guideline support despite having kids over 40...
If a "teen" wants a cell phone plan (which is not a necessity, though a teenager will try to convince you it is), they should get a job, and get it through that means. That would be my answer to such an inquiry. End of discussion.

If a teenager cannot afford a cell phone plan on their own, or does not have a job, they should *not* have a cell phone plan.

At the teenager-level, I feel it's acceptable for the support-payor to simply say (if they are asked about it), "I provide money each month, to help cover costs at other parents house". It's up to other parent, to decide how to spend those already provided funds.
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  #27  
Old 12-02-2014, 11:08 AM
dad2bandm dad2bandm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serene View Post
...No one will hire a 12 year old these days...
Twelve year olds don't need, nor should they have, cell phone plans.
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  #28  
Old 12-02-2014, 11:17 AM
stripes stripes is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dad2bandm View Post
If a "teen" wants a cell phone plan (which is not a necessity, though a teenager will try to convince you it is), they should get a job, and get it through that means. That would be my answer to such an inquiry. End of discussion.

If a teenager cannot afford a cell phone plan on their own, or does not have a job, they should *not* have a cell phone plan.
This makes sense to me.

One option for the OP might be for Dad to tell Kid that he will match what she contributes towards the cell phone plan - set up a bank account and if Kid puts $xx in every month from her job, Dad will put in $xx too. This avoids the whole question of "how much money are you giving Mom?" and puts some of the responsibility on Kid to earn money for the things she wants. Either Kid will step up and put some money towards her phone plan, or she won't, and it will be a non-issue. The OP said that the amount of the phone plan wasn't a big issue, the problem was the dynamics between the parents and the kid(s). Setting up a matching agreement might be a way to get around that.
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  #29  
Old 12-02-2014, 11:27 AM
Straittohell Straittohell is offline
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I don't think that kids should be allowed to get cell phones at that early of an age, but that's a totally separate matter.

My thoughts on the matter at hand is as follows:

1) If dad is paying mom the full CS amount, she should be on the hook for the cell phone if she is going to insist on it.

2) If mom insists on carrying on as if dad is some kind of scrooge, when he is really doling out THOUSANDS of dollars in child and spousal, that is just plain wrong. In these situations, if you're dealing with a teenager, it is unfair to you and them to say "these are matters left to your mom and I". Here's my reason: You're playing fair, but the other party isn't. They're doing actual harm to the child by outright lying about the other parent, and also creating a culture of spoiled entitlement within that child's brain. That kind of thing will ruin them for years to come. In extreme situations like these, I believe it is NECESSARY for the paying parent to lay out the facts in a calm, unbiased matter. As DowntroddenDad suggested, let the kid see not only the support amounts, but the living expense amounts of your household. In cases like this, it is unfair to the child for them to be given such a warped view of reality, just so your husband can feel like he is being 'the better person'.
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