Joint custody - can detailed info be found?

[Stubbs]

Hello again,

I recently did some research and realized that the terms of my Joint Custody includes access to my daughters during the week (outside of just every other weekend). In fact, it's spelled out in my SA.

I now am trying to re-assert my rights, as my ex has been trying to phase me out of my childrens' lives. You must remember that when the separation occured, I had no help and no information and my lawyer explained nothing to me. I am now learning that I have a multitude of rights, although my ex carries on like she has sole custody.

Is there a clear and detailed document somewhere which explains my rights as a parent with joint custody? My ex claims that everything must go through her, and I know that's not true but I need some paperwork to back me up.

And before anyone tells me to bring in a lawyer: The terms of the separation plus my child support has left me with a crippling hardship, so I don't have any money to toss around at anymore lawyers. I just need facts now.

[first timer]

http://www.attorneygeneral.jus.gov.o...y/familyla.pdf

Ministry of the Attorney General - Child Custody and Access

Divorce Act

Family Law Act, R.S.O. 1990, c. F.3

Ministry of the Attorney General - Family Law

Ministry of the Attorney General - Selected Family Law Legislation

CanLII - Family Law Act, S.A. 2003, c. F-4.5

happy reading

[Stubbs]

Thanks for the links. Funny though, that there seems to be little concrete information available.

My girlfriend is a social worker who deals with custody issues all the time, and from what she tells me Joint Custody covers a multitude of scenarios and allows far more access and freedoms than most Fathers (and I say that because 99% of the time it's the Father who isn't the CP) realize they have.

Most of what you can find basically says that Joint Custody involves equal decision-making in schooling and religion and whatnot.

Odd (but not even remotely surprising) that there doesn't seem to be one single detailed document describing the ins and outs of Joint Custody.

[dinkyface]

I'm not sure how much there is to say about 'joint custody' other than it means equal decision-making rights. This is the same situation you would be in if you were still living together, or still married. And whether together or apart, you have the same dispute resolution options if you have some disagreement about how the child is raised.

The key difference is that you are NOT living together and NOT sharing resources, which is why ACCESS and SUPPORT rights are defined - to lay out how the child's time is split between parents, whether one parent can move away, and how much each contributes financially. These rights are treated separately from any other issues regarding the child's upbringing. You will find lots of information on the ins and outs of ACCESS and SUPPORT.

[Stubbs]

It looks like my big problem now is that the ex has decided that she has Sole Custody now, and refuses to allow me to see my children outside of every other weekend, regardless of my Joint Custody. She is violating multiple clauses in our SA, but refuses to acknowledge that I have any rights to see my children at all. She is even telling me that I should not come by their school to see them in the morning before they go in.

Here is the dilemma: If I challenge her on it, she just tells me to go ahead and bring the lawyers in (she knows I cannot afford it, but I know she really cannot either).
If I do not challenge her, I feel like I am allowing her to set a precedent, and I also do not get to see my children that often.

Sorry about the awkward lack of contractions, BTW, my keyboard is acting funny...

She is dangerous and volatile and also trying to fabricate the notion that I am mentally abusive to my children.

My choices:

1. Back off, let things settle and hope for the best.
2. Call the lawyer and put myself into even more crippling debt.


Is there a third option to get her to understand that she has to allow me access to my children in some reasonable manner, like our SA states...

[dinkyface]

I don't understand. Sole vs Joint Custody has nothing to do with your access schedule. Is she refusing to let you see your children during your scheduled times? I could understand how intercepting your kids between the school bus and the school doors in the morning could be seen as disruptive - assuming you are not the one actually dropping them off.

[Stubbs]

My childrens' school is literally 2000 feet from their house. My ex has told me that I am no longer welcome to take them to school (saving her the work of going out) or even just being there to give them a hug before they go inside.

Sole vs. Joint has a lot to do with my access. My Separation Agreement states clearly that outside of every other weekend that we will make arrangements for me to see my daughters during the week.

No matter how much notice I give, every request is denied.

To wit: My current girlfriend has Sole Custody of her children. Their Father was abusive and the police were involved. It was a huge legal ordeal, and he gets to see his kids about 70 hours every other weekend.

I have Joint Custody, and I was the primary caregiver for 6 months while my wife was having an affair. I see my girls for 48 hours every two weeks.

That's where my access schedule has some shortcomings. She is now completely focused on her new relationship (from her affair) that she won't even let me have any say in my childrens' schooling because New Daddy is what she's trying to project to the world.

Does that make any sense, how I'm explaining it? She had an affair (boo-hoo for me), but now she's so focused on trying to perpetuate the lie that her boyfriend appeared AFTER our separation that she's scrambling to make sure that I won't be around her friends, neigbours, etc... so that she can move on with her life without me being any active part of my childrens' lives.

[billiechic]

Have you been documenting your requests for access? If not, start keeping a journal or request via email or text message. Make sure you also detail her refusals and the reasons. Once you have a record showing numerous requests and refusals you can take them to her and show her the record, and the clause in your SA that says weekly access. If that doesn't convince her I'm afraid it will be court.

I have to ask: is spending more time with your children worth "letting go"? You can't get this time back. You have an agreement that gives you that time. Do whatever you can to get it.