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  #1  
Old 02-15-2014, 05:36 PM
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Default Stay at Home Moms/Working Moms

I read this today in the Huffington Post. I'm sure many can relate to one of the letters. I was both a SAHM as well as a Working Mom. I think the SAHM role was much tougher, particularly when my son was a toddler. I recall counting down the hours before my husband would be home from work so I could have a break and time for myself.

A Letter From a Working Mother to a Stay-At-Home Mother (and Vice Versa) | Dr. Carolyn Ee
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Old 02-15-2014, 07:02 PM
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Janibel Janibel is offline
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SAHMs or SAHDs are sadly undervalued in today's culture. There are those who feel that we are not contributing to society or pulling our own weight as success = salary to many.
There are still people out there who believe our job consists of sitting on our a$$s all day while watching soap-operas...

Ask any day care worker if they feel underpaid and overworked and the answer will without a question be YES!

Personally I have contributed to making the neighborhood safer for the kids who's mom's had to work, (it does take a village to raise a child) helped out teacher's with extra curriculars, field trips and PTA nights.

We made the choice that I would be a traditional mom and STBX was happy with OUR decision until I asked for divorce. Then he claimed it was something that was imposed on him .... ?

I'm glad to see that there are still parents out there who opt to take on the child-raising full time regardless of the financial difficulties involved. It is a worthwhile calling -with many sacrifices and rewards.
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Old 02-15-2014, 08:15 PM
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I believe many people (male and female) would like to stay home with the children when they are young but simply cannot due to financial burden of home ownership. I was reading an article today in the paper of housing costs across the country - wow! Unless there are two incomes home ownership would not be possible for many.

If you consider daycare and vehicle costs, I wonder how much extra NET income is realized by mom working outside of the home, particularly if Mom doesn't have a high-paying job.
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Old 02-15-2014, 09:03 PM
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For some of us, staying at home is not possible as we are supporting the first relationship/marriage/children. I have no issue in our responsibilities for the previous marriage, and while this does not apply to our particular situation, many families are financially supporting a previous family/relationship at the detriment to the one they have now.

I have to wonder how a different standard of living between the two families affects the children (if at all) down the road. Lets say one kid in the first family gets to play hockey but the kid in the current family can't because it is not affordable for instance.

And before people jump to the gun about "don't have more kids if you can't afford it" no one can predict the future and no one can predict how their financial responsibilities will change. I know in our particular situation we budgeted for SS, CS and all the extra expenses (and then some) but we never factored in the thousands spent on legal care or all the work we would miss (without pay) to accommodate false CAS allegations, etc...
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Old 02-15-2014, 09:38 PM
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We can't choose our parents.

Kid in 1st family is presumed to be entitled to do similar activities had parents stayed together. This is in the child's best interest. In view of the 2nd child it would seem unfair. A decision the 2nd family has to consider when they decide to have children together. It definitely would "suck" to be the kid of the 2nd family.

I think it's a 'buyer-beware' sort of thing when one consider's having a second family with someone who is paying for the first one.

In the end you will have that many more grandchildren to keep you company in your old age. You are truly blessed by this.
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Old 02-15-2014, 09:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
We can't choose our parents.

Kid in 1st family is presumed to be entitled to do similar activities had parents stayed together. This is in the child's best interest. In view of the 2nd child it would seem unfair. A decision the 2nd family has to consider when they decide to have children together. It definitely would "suck" to be the kid of the 2nd family.

I think it's a 'buyer-beware' sort of thing when one consider's having a second family with someone who is paying for the first one.

In the end you will have that many more grandchildren to keep you company in your old age. You are truly blessed by this.
LOL on the grandchildren.

My daughter is the first for the ex. He has another daughter with someone else, whom he also isn't with. He's current on support for her, and FRO isn't involved. Lucky girl.

Choices he made have now caused him to have to support two children in two households. My daughter has a fantastic little sister, but two girls now don't have their dad in their lives. Sucks really.
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Old 02-15-2014, 11:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serene View Post
For some of us, staying at home is not possible as we are supporting the first relationship/marriage/children. I have no issue in our responsibilities for the previous marriage, and while this does not apply to our particular situation, many families are financially supporting a previous family/relationship at the detriment to the one they have now.

I have to wonder how a different standard of living between the two families affects the children (if at all) down the road. Lets say one kid in the first family gets to play hockey but the kid in the current family can't because it is not affordable for instance.

And before people jump to the gun about "don't have more kids if you can't afford it" no one can predict the future and no one can predict how their financial responsibilities will change. I know in our particular situation we budgeted for SS, CS and all the extra expenses (and then some) but we never factored in the thousands spent on legal care or all the work we would miss (without pay) to accommodate false CAS allegations, etc...
Personally, I couldn't imagine being a stay at home parent, even if the resources allowed. I enjoy my job too much. I admire the people who are able to be stay at home parents, but for me it would just never work.

I think some families have a harder time due to the on going support obligations, but I also see first families that suffer in different ways, such as emotional. I have a family friend who has a 14 year old daughter from his first marriage, he pays steady support and always has. He has been in another relationship for over 10 years and with his new partner has a 6 year old daughter. Even though he pays over $1000 a month in support, he hasn't seen his daughter for more than two days at Xmas times in over a year, because his new family has gotten in the way. It is shameful to watch. So while his second family may not get to enjoy all the financial benefits, they get to enjoy actually having them in their lives.

With in the next couple of months, my partner and I will make the first step into planning a new child. We realize that his on going financial situation to his children will never change. We live a pretty simple life as it is, but do realize at times, our child may have to go without for whatever reason. Neither of us plan to stay home and put the financial burden on the other. I do think it is an individual choice on how one chooses to handle a second family, but I don't think having to support a first family, should be the sole reason not to experience a second.
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Old 02-15-2014, 11:19 PM
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Arabian I like your point of view. It surely gives me pause for thought.

I guess I just want to point out "kids best interests" should be universal - at least in my opinion. I hate to think of a tiered family system when kid from first marriage is more entitled to kid in second marriage. Thankfully, we don't have to worry that at all.
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Old 02-16-2014, 12:37 AM
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Bernier_Faith - I am so happy for you! I'm not sure your husband's ex will have the same feelings though - yikes! You're sure not going to have an easy time with her when the time comes. We can only hope that some maternal kindness kicks in on her part. Your child will always be your first family and I'm sure you'll make out just fine. You are "planning" this and have obviously given everything a great deal of consideration.

How very exciting for you!
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Old 02-16-2014, 12:48 AM
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Serene - I think the current legislation is in place to protect children from being disadvantaged after parents divorce. FRO and other maintenance enforcement agencies exist because of the high incidence of deadbeat parents. These deadbeats go on and have second families while leaving their first families in poverty.

I wonder if someday, with the advances of technology, the need for maintenance enforcement will become obsolete. Perhaps in the future when people have children they will be embedded with a microchip in the genital area. If you have 5 kids then you have 5 microchips. You don't pay - ZAP you get an electrical charge and a financial penalty is assessed simultaneously in your bank account.
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