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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 07-30-2013, 12:09 PM
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plainNamedDad44 plainNamedDad44 is offline
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Default Is "Custody" overblown ?

Hi, I have 4 kids, 13, 11, 10, and 9. Spending a fortune on litigation. going broke.

Thinking that I should give up on custody in favor of more access. I more or less trust mother to make decisions in the best interest of the children. Provided full custody will not impede me from access.

Thoughts ?
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  #2  
Old 07-30-2013, 12:50 PM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
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While I would never be a proponent of giving up on joint custody, if you can get her to agree to shared parenting and joint custody, but with her having final say on matters, you may be able to dangle a carrot in-front of her nose.

But if for whatever reason you agree to her having sole custody, ensure that your agreement provides that you are entitled to all education, medical records, dental records etc. and may contact and be informed by the child's professionals of all matters relating to them That way it is clearly provided in the event you ever should go to the school or try to get info from the dr.'s that you are entitled to it.

But no, it is not otherwise overblown.
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Old 07-30-2013, 02:34 PM
involveddad75 involveddad75 is offline
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If you have given up custody of your children and your children comes to you and asks "I want to live with you", "I want to get a tattoo", "I want to play soccer"
If you response is "I'll talk it over with mom but she has final say" The child won't come to you anymore with questions.

Relationship starts to be eroded.

Lets say everything does work out, but then she decides to move somewhere, you go to police. First question asked is who has custody.

Lets say you go traveling to the states or somewhere else and something happens to your child. Doctors first question. "Who has custody"

Lets say mom dies in a car accident, and she has in her will that the child is to go and live with her sister who hates you. What happens next?

Lets say mom dies in a car accident, and she has no will. What happens to child?

There are so many reasons besides decision making for joint custody.
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Old 07-30-2013, 02:47 PM
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If I were you, I would self-represent. You have nothing to lose anyways. Never agree to something you don't agree to because you can't afford it. You will never live it down.

Custody is not overblown it dictates the future of you and your children's lives.... Depends on you though really.
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Old 07-30-2013, 03:00 PM
HammerDad HammerDad is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by involveddad75 View Post
Lets say mom dies in a car accident, and she has in her will that the child is to go and live with her sister who hates you. What happens next?
That part of the Will would be tossed out as that clause isn't worth the paper it is printed on. The father is next of kin and a guardian. Parent A cannot Will away the rights, obligations and privileges of Parent B.

I know, my ex has in her Will (or at least she did 6 years ago) that my daughter would go to her parents. I spoke with many lawyers whom I worked with and one I hired outside of my old firm. Each said the clause was worthless where you have a parent who is actively involved in the child's life who, notwithstanding never being the custodial parent, wants custody of the child.
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Old 07-30-2013, 03:13 PM
dad2bandm dad2bandm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HammerDad View Post
That part of the Will would be tossed out as that clause isn't worth the paper it is printed on...
...Each said the clause was worthless where you have a parent who is actively involved in the child's life who, notwithstanding never being the custodial parent, wants custody of the child.
Thanks HammerDad. That is good to know. My ex also did this, apparently, I'm told (specify someone other than me, in her will, if she were to pass).

I imagine it would be a lot less headache though, if one has joint custody, vs no custody. Original poster... there is no reason in this day and age (unless you have serious issues), that you should not have joint custody of your child.
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Old 07-30-2013, 03:15 PM
dad2bandm dad2bandm is offline
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Originally Posted by dad2bandm View Post
Original poster... there is no reason in this day and age (unless you have serious issues), that you should not have joint custody of your child.
Or I guess, unless, she has serious issues. lol.
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Old 07-30-2013, 03:16 PM
involveddad75 involveddad75 is offline
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I was told the opposite. That the will is followed for 6 months (from date of death), after that time you can bring a motion to have it changed, but a status quo of 6 months has now been in place.

I'm not sure if what I was told, just saying that's what I was told.
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Old 07-30-2013, 03:51 PM
BitHunter BitHunter is offline
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paragraph 9 of Tremblay v Tremblay , 1987 CanLII 147
(AB Q.B.)
"Likewise, and more important, a child has a right to the love,
care and guidance of a parent. To be denied that right by the other parent
without sufficient justification, such as abuse or neglect, is, in itself, a form of
child abuse."

Giving the custody to somebody else is child abuse according to the above.

back to the original question: Unfortunately a person who has the custody can too easily abuse it. I hoped the same as you, but after 3 years it is clear that my ex is dysfunctional as a decision maker, as her decision are aimed to destroy our relationship with d9. If this is not going to happen to you, then you are right, it doesn't matter who makes the decision.
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Old 07-30-2013, 05:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by involveddad75 View Post
If you have given up custody of your children and your children comes to you and asks "I want to live with you", "I want to get a tattoo", "I want to play soccer"
If you response is "I'll talk it over with mom but she has final say" The child won't come to you anymore with questions.
If you have joint custody you don't have any more decision making power on these issues either. You certainly do not have any power over where the child lives, whether you have sole, joint, or no custody.

Quote:
Lets say everything does work out, but then she decides to move somewhere, you go to police. First question asked is who has custody.
You don't go to the police, you go to a lawyer. If the child has been abducted you still have rights. A parent cannot unilaterally take a child away from a parent, even an NCP access parent.

Police will rarely get involved in any kind of family law issue. You need a lawyer (or self rep) to get the courts to make an order. Then the police act.

Quote:
Lets say you go traveling to the states or somewhere else and something happens to your child. Doctors first question. "Who has custody"
Doctors do not need parental approval to provide necessary care. It doesn't matter if you have custody. The babysitter can take a sick child to a hospital and get the same care.

Quote:
Lets say mom dies in a car accident, and she has in her will that the child is to go and live with her sister who hates you. What happens next?
According to Ontario family law, custody goes to the father.


Quote:
There are so many reasons besides decision making for joint custody.
Would love to hear one.
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