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Janus · #31 11-27-2012, 01:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness

Just a question here...but what kind of weak-willed, wimp of a parent does it take to allow some new partner to walk into their life and embroil themselves into the divorce drama and interfering in an already difficult custody situation?

I haven't joined in on the pile-on here, but I also disagree with the OP of course. A civil suit might be appealing as a way to render justice when family law has failed so terribly, but it almost certainly will not work, and probably shouldn't work or every custody case would be followed by a civil suit.

That said, the OP would be equally as wrong as a biological parent. The fact that she is a stepparent is, in my opinion, not relevant to this case. Divorce is a lonely process, I think that it is human, not "weak-willed", to allow a new partner to provide support.

standing on the sidelines · #32 11-27-2012, 07:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janus

I haven't joined in on the pile-on here, but I also disagree with the OP of course. A civil suit might be appealing as a way to render justice when family law has failed so terribly, but it almost certainly will not work, and probably shouldn't work or every custody case would be followed by a civil suit.

That said, the OP would be equally as wrong as a biological parent. The fact that she is a stepparent is, in my opinion, not relevant to this case. Divorce is a lonely process, I think that it is human, not "weak-willed", to allow a new partner to provide support.

providing support is one thing, what she wants to do is something totally different. She said that she is bringing the lawsuit, not him or even they . This is something that the bio dad should be doing if they want to walk that wrong path.

murphyslaw · #33 11-27-2012, 08:48 AM

I cant help but wonder if this woman is the alienating factor in the children's life?It seems that SHE is paying for counsellors etc Maybe children are having problems with her ,and her constant need for validation and her demands to be loved and admired.Trust me Im a medical student?Really?Destroying the competition is her answer to the problem.

HammerDad · #34 11-27-2012, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janus

and probably shouldn't work or every custody case would be followed by a civil suit.

This was one of my thoughts as well.

Should this be successful, it would open the door for any divorced/divorcing spouses to further litigation with there and try to side step family court decisions by taking their issues with the family law case to civil court.

Cases like are doomed to fail, especially for $25k when the costs for expert witnesses and your legal fees could easily eclipse $100k.....there is a negative cost benefit here....

DowntroddenDad · #35 11-27-2012, 11:15 AM

I hate to join the Pile on, but I will bring up another point.

I had a long term GF who was not as aggressive as the OP, but had similar feelings that I was not aggresive enough in seeking my rights under the SA. She also didn't like the idea that I was conceding the point about my spousal support being indefinite. She crossed the line between being supportive to being critical.

It wasn't the only factor, but it was a factor in the reasons why I felt the relationship had to end.

If there is merit in the OP's case then it should be the parent who initiates and drives the process. But like everyone else here I sense there is more than an attempt to seek justice, it is an attempt to seek revenge, something that would potentially do more harm to the children than good. Best thing a step parent or partner can do is be loving and open, and model a good relationship to the children. That would do more good than counselling in most cases. And when there is hate in your heart, there is less room for love....

Pursuinghappiness · #36 11-27-2012, 11:16 AM

Quote:

Divorce is a lonely process, I think that it is human, not "weak-willed", to allow a new partner to provide support.

I'm all for anyone providing support to a divorcing partner. I just don't think that's what this particular poster is doing. In fact, I think she's doing quite the opposite.

She also probably won't listen to anything anyone says here. Right-fighters never do...they ramp up conflict because they truly believe that they're right at any cost and they're undeterred by reason.

The problem with most of these types of schemes is that its really based in a short-term goal of revenge over a long-term strategy of trying to minimize conflict and develop relationships. And any male who would let their new partner possibly affect their relationship with their own children is weak-willed, in my opinion.

If you think a stepmother threatening a civil lawsuit over a custody battle between her new partner, his ex, and their children is the same thing as "providing support"...I guess I just totally disagree.

Mess · #37 11-27-2012, 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OhMy

Dear original poster:
No one has personally attacked you.

Yes they have.

Quote:

Originally Posted by murphyslaw

Money?You are after cold hard cash and you expect not to be judged as a greedy gold digger?Good luck with that.If you or your greedy partner actually gave a shit you would be seeing custody or an order asking for no bad talk on either side.Its quite simple and doesn't cost a fortune.Going to a civil court only shows your true motivations.

This falls under my definition of a personal attack. It's fine to disagree with the OP and give opinions on why the case has no merit. The type of person the OP is has no relevance to answering the question.

Pursuinghappiness · #38 11-27-2012, 11:23 AM

Quote:

I hate to join the Pile on, but I will bring up another point.

I had a long term GF who was not as aggressive as the OP, but had similar feelings that I was not aggresive enough in seeking my rights under the SA. She also didn't like the idea that I was conceding the point about my spousal support being indefinite. She crossed the line between being supportive to being critical.

It wasn't the only factor, but it was a factor in the reasons why I felt the relationship had to end.

If there is merit in the OP's case then it should be the parent who initiates and drives the process. But like everyone else here I sense there is more than an attempt to seek justice, it is an attempt to seek revenge, something that would potentially do more harm to the children than good. Best thing a step parent or partner can do is be loving and open, and model a good relationship to the children. That would do more good than counselling in most cases. And when there is hate in your heart, there is less room for love....

Very good points.

It begs the question: At what level is the support from a new partner crossing the line into being interfering? I think..with some exceptions...its probably around the time that the new partner is "joining-in" antagonizing the ex spouse either in behavior or litigation.

DowntroddenDad · #39 11-27-2012, 12:38 PM

I can only speak for my situation, but in my case, my GF(who went through a seamless walkaway divorce with no support and sole custody) would not accept my decisions to concede some point to get some peace, end the process earlier and try and get some calm back into things so I could try to rebuild my relationship with my kids.

There is a difference between sharing an alternative viewpoint and suggesting some ideas about ways to go about things, and suggesting I have been steamrollered by my ex and that I should stand up for myself, despite all of the evidence from my lawyer and my accountant that fighting my ex would be costly, with no guarentees of success, and potentially take years to resolve. She didnt understand the fact that I was desperate to see my kids more often and that my ex was using the SA as a weapon, but that I was willing to take that as the kids were more important to me than "winning" or being right. The two parties in the end have to make the decisions, and a supportive partner will not dwell on any failings, but try to help you move forward.

murphyslaw · #40 11-27-2012, 12:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DowntroddenDad

I can only speak for my situation, but in my case, my GF(who went through a seamless walkaway divorce with no support and sole custody) would not accept my decisions to concede some point to get some peace, end the process earlier and try and get some calm back into things so I could try to rebuild my relationship with my kids.

There is a difference between sharing an alternative viewpoint and suggesting some ideas about ways to go about things, and suggesting I have been steamrollered by my ex and that I should stand up for myself, despite all of the evidence from my lawyer and my accountant that fighting my ex would be costly, with no guarentees of success, and potentially take years to resolve. She didnt understand the fact that I was desperate to see my kids more often and that my ex was using the SA as a weapon, but that I was willing to take that as the kids were more important to me than "winning" or being right. The two parties in the end have to make the decisions, and a supportive partner will not dwell on any failings, but try to help you move forward.

When your kids are grown up they will not forget your integrity though,Im not saying they will love your ex any less, but they will respect you all the more for thinking only of them.

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