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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #51  
Old 11-29-2012, 07:34 AM
stepmom.againstPAS stepmom.againstPAS is offline
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Default anger has blocked my good judgement

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mess View Post
Yes they have.


This falls under my definition of a personal attack. It's fine to disagree with the OP and give opinions on why the case has no merit. The type of person the OP is has no relevance to answering the question.
Thank you for moderating...I agree

"I cant help but wonder if this woman is the alienating factor in the children's life?It seems that SHE is paying for counsellors etc Maybe children are having problems with her ,and her constant need for validation and her demands to be loved and admired.Trust me Im a medical student?Really?Destroying the competition is her answer to the problem."

again..please...
What is the purpose of this above comment? Perhaps you could ask me.
What is purpose of the above post? to shame?

First of all, you guys are the harshest group I have ever encountered.

I have read all the posts and links offered. I am not sure how many of you have been falsely accused of child abuse here, or gone through rejection of a child or children but brings out the worst in a person. Thank you for providing feedback through it has helped me see more clearly.

My partner has joint custody, but we have choosen not to motion to force visitiation because the ex has made the situation so high conflict. We are waiting on the OCL report. We have been asking for theraputic intervention repeatedly When things started to escalate, the ex tried to get the children into counseling without including the father (my partner) so he refused to agree...other names of counselors were sent...she did not respond...but accuses us of blocking counseling. She has refused mediation that HER lawyer suggested. There is NO mediating in the situation. This situation needs court intervention.

In the past 2 years prior to last year, the children loved coming to our home, and I did have a mentoring relationship with the children, including teaching them to ride horses, doing barn chores, teaching them to care for animals until of course it became unsafe all of a sudden (I am a certified coach) and at no time was the activity unsafe,I give this as an example because both my partner and I have been stripped of mentoring the kids, and parenting them and then have been told we are emotionally abusing them...

Once the false accusations started, my partner and I tried to discuss the issues when the lawyers got involved the strong allegations subsided to "the children do not like "..."they are allowed to choose if they want to attend vistation"..we know this is not looked at by the courts well..but at this time there was nothing we could do......(these things were said by the ex, not the kids them selves, they said the opposite)..

5 months ago, the ex demanded that my partner has to choose between me and his kids (the ex's words)..move out of the current living arrangement if he wanted to see is kids...when he refused..the ex said "its a shame the children feel so rejected that you have choosen this"

I did not try to take over the mother role, and I did not attempt to discipline the kids I left that to their father and mother.

There has been repeated threats to me, taped threats over the phone.. publicly both my partner and I have been treated as though we are unsafe and dangerous..the children are escorted off the field from soccer because we attended recently. The police were called and the officer told we might think about stop attending since the children did not want us there. We no longer attend any activities. The slander and liable was extended into my work place at the hospital and into the wider community.

The youngest child use to call from the bathroom secretly to talk but she has stopped calling. This children loved being with us..and we loved having them. They still post stuff on FB for us to see.

I have realized that its possible when dealing with a crazy person..you start to act crazy as well.


I can see from the feedback that ..my anger has blocked my good judgement.

At times I think the best thing to do is walk away from the relationship. I do love my partner but perhaps I am doing more harm than good and I am unable to handle watching child abuse so close up.

The youngest has recently told my partner that he is no longer her dad, and now considered her step dad as her father.

I realize you many not know we are not unsafe, demanding attention and love, money hungry, people. But the truth is we are not. hopefully one day the children will understand what is really going on. In a perfect world, I think the mother needs to be held accountable for her actions..but perhaps not in this life time.

As she has told everyone, including her children "no judge, no lawyer is going to tell me what to do"...and guess what..SHE IS RIGHT. Because it seems she is pulling the wool over everyones eyes.
  #52  
Old 11-29-2012, 07:48 AM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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no one is saying that you have to end the relationship with your partner. What they are saying is that you need to step back and keep out of it. Let the father and his kids have some alone time together.

You keep calling him your partner but not your husband. Are you married??
  #53  
Old 11-29-2012, 08:01 AM
stepmom.againstPAS stepmom.againstPAS is offline
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engaged...as of last month. common law for almost 3 years.
  #54  
Old 11-29-2012, 08:06 AM
stepmom.againstPAS stepmom.againstPAS is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
no one is saying that you have to end the relationship with your partner. What they are saying is that you need to step back and keep out of it. Let the father and his kids have some alone time together.



You keep calling him your partner but not your husband. Are you married??
He has no access currently (no court order)...settlement conference in Jan
more than happy to give them space.
engaged..common law 3 years.
  #55  
Old 11-29-2012, 08:50 AM
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Quote:
Quote:
First of all, you guys are the harshest group I have ever encountered.
Wait until you go to court and the judge can make rulings. If you think this forum is tough... At least the advice/comments on here are free.

It's good to read that you have been able to re-read your posts and how it affected others (including my own) comments.

There are always two sides to a storey.

My suggestion is if the other party is slandering you- ignore it as best you can. People will see through it if it's not valid.

Best of luck.
  #56  
Old 11-29-2012, 11:38 AM
DowntroddenDad DowntroddenDad is offline
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I won't apologise for being critical of the idea of suing. That I think is the worst thing to do, if the goal is to encourage the children to see you and your ex. I think his ex loves conflict and this would just add fuel to the fire.

I can't speak for the others, I was not judging you as a person, or your actions with your ex and his children.

Just because interference in my issues was a cause (not the only one) in my breakup with my GF, doesn't mean you should bow out of your relationship. No doubt in my mind that if you weren't around the ex would still find something to bring up.

The best thing to do, and it is hard to hear this, is to continue to reach out to the children and ignore the ex. They won't get it immediately, but they will eventually.
  #57  
Old 11-29-2012, 01:28 PM
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arabian arabian is offline
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My advice is simple: back off and let your husband handle this with his ex wife. It is not your place to be involved legally in this matter. Your relationship with your husband is separate from his relationship with his children and his ex. If/when the children reunite with their father give them space/time alone with their father. Remember, the kids came many years before you. Your position is to be supportive to your ex. That certainly doesn't mean launching litigation against his ex on his behalf. Being a step-parent can't be easy. You have to know your limitations. It sounds as though you had a good relationship at one time with his children. If they want a relationship with you in the future let them come to you. You have no idea what stresses they have in their lives. Let it go.
  #58  
Old 11-29-2012, 09:14 PM
stepmom.againstPAS stepmom.againstPAS is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DowntroddenDad View Post
The best thing to do, and it is hard to hear this, is to continue to reach out to the children and ignore the ex. They won't get it immediately, but they will eventually.
I have texted the youngest to ask if she wants me to send her a birthday gift and after months of telling me she does not want me to text her she said "yes that would be nice"

Thanks for your input.
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