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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11  
Old 09-22-2022, 09:50 AM
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"Have money... will litigate." - Someone

All of the above observations are correct. Most lawyers will tell you that in family law that the person with the most capital to spend will usually end up on top.

On top of Janus' comments, I would also suspect that heterosexual males spend about 30-40% more in overall legal expenses to obtain the same objectives their heterosexual female partners do in a custody and access dispute.

Women often talk about the "pink tax" in retail. Well, in Family law there is a "blue tax" unfortunately.
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  #12  
Old 09-22-2022, 10:57 AM
Brampton33 Brampton33 is offline
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There really needs to be a mandatory session for separating/divorcing couples that have kids. The mandatory MIP Program is just a coles notes on how the process works (CC, SC, make offers to settle, try to settle rather than litigate, etc..)

What I am talking about is that there should be a mandatory session with a retired judge or other professional who says "Look, you are divorcing eachother. Your kids are not divorcing their parents. The kids are equally yours, and you are equally their parents. They are allowed to be with both of you equally, unless one of you moves far away and makes that unviable. Otherwise, it is stupid to squander your money fighting about time with kids. Parent A, would you like it if Parent B tried to take more than 50% time? Parent B, same question to you? You both answered 'No'? So cut the crap of Parent A isn't as good as Parent B on changing diapers, etc. Or Parent B doesn't bring kid to hockey on time. Parenting can be learned as you go along and the grievances you are mentioning mean absolutely nothing in the greater scheme of things. Agree to an outcome now, or go ahead and spend $200k to arrive at same outcome 3 years from now. Your choice."
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  #13  
Old 09-22-2022, 11:52 AM
Bogdan Bogdan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brampton33 View Post
There really needs to be a mandatory session for separating/divorcing couples that have kids. The mandatory MIP Program is just a coles notes on how the process works (CC, SC, make offers to settle, try to settle rather than litigate, etc..)

What I am talking about is that there should be a mandatory session with a retired judge or other professional who says "Look, you are divorcing eachother. Your kids are not divorcing their parents. The kids are equally yours, and you are equally their parents. They are allowed to be with both of you equally, unless one of you moves far away and makes that unviable. Otherwise, it is stupid to squander your money fighting about time with kids. Parent A, would you like it if Parent B tried to take more than 50% time? Parent B, same question to you? You both answered 'No'? So cut the crap of Parent A isn't as good as Parent B on changing diapers, etc. Or Parent B doesn't bring kid to hockey on time. Parenting can be learned as you go along and the grievances you are mentioning mean absolutely nothing in the greater scheme of things. Agree to an outcome now, or go ahead and spend $200k to arrive at same outcome 3 years from now. Your choice."
I love the idea of a "Coles notes" of this .. and am surprised that nothing like that really exists.

.. but it's never going to come from the people that stand to lose the most from such a change especially when they are the ones writing the laws in the first place.

Look at what happened with recent updates to the Divorce Act (Bill C-78) and how the "Presumption of Equal Parenting i.e. 50/50" was struck down because of the rubbish excuses that it “may encourage parental feelings of entitlement rather than benefits for children.”

But hey ... at-least we got "custody" and "access" renamed to "parenting time" and "parental decision-making".

Also .. from the legal professionals that I've talked to, the ones that would actually advocate for such changes have long since switched into another legal areas.
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  #14  
Old 09-22-2022, 01:06 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brampton33 View Post
There really needs to be a mandatory session for separating/divorcing couples that have kids. The mandatory MIP Program is just a coles notes on how the process works (CC, SC, make offers to settle, try to settle rather than litigate, etc..)

What I am talking about is that there should be a mandatory session with a retired judge or other professional who says "Look, you are divorcing eachother. Your kids are not divorcing their parents. The kids are equally yours, and you are equally their parents. They are allowed to be with both of you equally, unless one of you moves far away and makes that unviable. Otherwise, it is stupid to squander your money fighting about time with kids. Parent A, would you like it if Parent B tried to take more than 50% time? Parent B, same question to you? You both answered 'No'? So cut the crap of Parent A isn't as good as Parent B on changing diapers, etc. Or Parent B doesn't bring kid to hockey on time. Parenting can be learned as you go along and the grievances you are mentioning mean absolutely nothing in the greater scheme of things. Agree to an outcome now, or go ahead and spend $200k to arrive at same outcome 3 years from now. Your choice."
The problem with this- is that the people who are intent on litigating; the truly high conflict parents- wouldn't listen to it. They would just mosey their way on to court after pretending to listen.

What I've noticed is that reasonable people will eventually settle down after a couple of months of litigation- but people who have a point to prove to the other party will still seek to drive home their point.

My ex said to me multiple times throughout the process that he "was going to bankrupt me for fun". And if I wasn't the higher income earner who could frankly afford to play chicken longer- he would've gotten his way. Likely.
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  #15  
Old 09-22-2022, 01:52 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
The problem with this- is that the people who are intent on litigating; the truly high conflict parents- wouldn't listen to it. They would just mosey their way on to court after pretending to listen.

What I've noticed is that reasonable people will eventually settle down after a couple of months of litigation- but people who have a point to prove to the other party will still seek to drive home their point.

My ex said to me multiple times throughout the process that he "was going to bankrupt me for fun". And if I wasn't the higher income earner who could frankly afford to play chicken longer- he would've gotten his way. Likely.

My husbands ex had to pay him a second equalization payment a few years after their divorce was finalized, funny when she took him back to court she wouldnt accept the amount he owed her, wanted it to be the amount she had to pay him previously. Her lawyer actually said she would not settle unless it was that much. Our response (lawyer and my hubs) was how does she feel about paying that in legal fees to see what the judge thinks because this amount is what she gets. She settled for the lower amount.

Cost penalties wont stop them. Someone who believes they are inherently right (as most high conflict people are) will see it as the cost of fighting for what is right. You need a psychologist or therapist ordered to meet with the parents and then they make a determination and penalties (not always being costs) are imposed. But with the mental health issues we have now, it will never happen. Immediate shared 50/50 custody at the beginning is a good first step.
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