The mother of my children was arrested last night charged with assault with a weapon. She has gone out of town to stay with family (we're both from the same hometown, moved to Kitchener) and the children (2 and 1) are with me.
Her mother is calling me and asking me when the kids will be brought to stay with them, or if they will be coming up to stay in the apartment while I go elsewhere. I've avoided answering these questions to her thus far but she is really driving home the fact that "she misses her babies".
She is a good mother on the whole. She is saying that I called the police because I wanted her arrested, removed, imprisoned, etc. but the fact is I wanted her to acknowledge that this behavior has to stop. This is the fourth incident, the first had the police respond and I fought back, the second two times I did nothing to retaliate and just took it. This time I called because all of our previous discussions had arrived at, what I believed to be, an understanding that the behavior must end.
I'll be honest, I had no idea what would happen when I called and knowing now what is, I think I would have not. She says that her form indicates up to 5 years in prison. I suspect it will be much less as I was not severely injured.
Everything is in my name - apartment lease, primary bank account, credit cards, etc. she has a bank account that the baby bonus gets deposited in to, and that is all.
She is set to appear in court for sentencing on the 23rd or 26th (can't remember)
I've been advised by some very helpful friends that I should file an emergency temporary custody order and a restraining order, so that she does not remove the kids from our home. I've been told that if I do so, I'm essentially establishing status quo.
I should say that I don't even want to separate - I want her to seek help. Should we separate, I would love to see shared custody. She will undoubtedly move back home, however - she has no drivers license, no high school diploma, etc. and will be jumping in to welfare and relying on family to drive her around for groceries, etc.
This concerns me because we live paycheque to paycheque and with support payments, even if I live off someomes couch, I will not able to afford to drive down to see the kids.
I don't fully understand all the terms so I apologize if I have used them wrong.
My primary concerns are:
- Keeping the children in their established home. I'd rather take time of us living in this place, where the kids are comfortable, and the other party staying at someone elses for that time than see them living in the rat holes that her parents call home.
- Staying in their lives. If she moves them back home, I cannot afford to go down there and a good portion of my time with them becomes spent driving rather than being together.
At this time I am at a loss. The kids clearly want to know where mommy is. They love that I'm home, and are no stranger to me, and I am more than capable of providing for them. Yes I don't know thier routines like the back of my hand as she does, no I don't know where every piece of clothing has been stored...
It is absolutely killing me. I really wish that I never made the call. I know that it probably would have just kept happening, but at least the kids would have woke up and saw both our faces today.
Edit: I should also add, that I've asked the landlord to change the locks. My understanding is that although she has to stay away from me, if I were to go to court on Monday with my parents watching the kids, she could return, take them and then effectively hide them from me until custody is established.
Her mother is calling me and asking me when the kids will be brought to stay with them, or if they will be coming up to stay in the apartment while I go elsewhere. I've avoided answering these questions to her thus far but she is really driving home the fact that "she misses her babies".
She is a good mother on the whole. She is saying that I called the police because I wanted her arrested, removed, imprisoned, etc. but the fact is I wanted her to acknowledge that this behavior has to stop. This is the fourth incident, the first had the police respond and I fought back, the second two times I did nothing to retaliate and just took it. This time I called because all of our previous discussions had arrived at, what I believed to be, an understanding that the behavior must end.
I'll be honest, I had no idea what would happen when I called and knowing now what is, I think I would have not. She says that her form indicates up to 5 years in prison. I suspect it will be much less as I was not severely injured.
Everything is in my name - apartment lease, primary bank account, credit cards, etc. she has a bank account that the baby bonus gets deposited in to, and that is all.
She is set to appear in court for sentencing on the 23rd or 26th (can't remember)
I've been advised by some very helpful friends that I should file an emergency temporary custody order and a restraining order, so that she does not remove the kids from our home. I've been told that if I do so, I'm essentially establishing status quo.
I should say that I don't even want to separate - I want her to seek help. Should we separate, I would love to see shared custody. She will undoubtedly move back home, however - she has no drivers license, no high school diploma, etc. and will be jumping in to welfare and relying on family to drive her around for groceries, etc.
This concerns me because we live paycheque to paycheque and with support payments, even if I live off someomes couch, I will not able to afford to drive down to see the kids.
I don't fully understand all the terms so I apologize if I have used them wrong.
My primary concerns are:
- Keeping the children in their established home. I'd rather take time of us living in this place, where the kids are comfortable, and the other party staying at someone elses for that time than see them living in the rat holes that her parents call home.
- Staying in their lives. If she moves them back home, I cannot afford to go down there and a good portion of my time with them becomes spent driving rather than being together.
At this time I am at a loss. The kids clearly want to know where mommy is. They love that I'm home, and are no stranger to me, and I am more than capable of providing for them. Yes I don't know thier routines like the back of my hand as she does, no I don't know where every piece of clothing has been stored...
It is absolutely killing me. I really wish that I never made the call. I know that it probably would have just kept happening, but at least the kids would have woke up and saw both our faces today.
Edit: I should also add, that I've asked the landlord to change the locks. My understanding is that although she has to stay away from me, if I were to go to court on Monday with my parents watching the kids, she could return, take them and then effectively hide them from me until custody is established.
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