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  • #16
    You are welcome to criticize my advice, and offer your own, if you have any. What part do you disagree with?

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    • #17
      Beentheretwice, if you read the whole thing you can see she is looking for equal parenting. There is a good chance she makes more then him as all his income is "company" income and there is a possibility that he only pays himself a very small sum.

      Sorry for not spacing it out enough for you, last I checked though its better to read a whole story before making a review. I have attempted to give as good a synopsis of the story from what I know in order to help my neice who needs both her parents to be thinking about her instead of about the fact that they are toxic to each other.

      I have told her to start getting all financial documents photocopied to start. I am trying to give her 1 task at a time so she is not overwhelmed as she is in a very fragile emotional state right now.

      Next step I believe will be figuring out about the lease for their apartment. Since my sister pays all the bills now, and her husband has a chance to stay at his parents who are 20 minutes away (they are snowbirds and someone has to watch their home all winter) I am going to suggest that she approach him about that.
      I am considering talking to his sister or best friend so that we can sit them both down with a party from both sides of the marriage and discuss to them that the marriage is ending as he does not listen to my sister when she tells him.

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      • #18
        Whether you like it or not, posters here are not required to follow your agenda, or post what you want them to post. We "calls 'em as we see 'em". It's the way it is.

        Reviewers have no obligation whatsoever to read through the mess of text that posters like you put up, and can review how they see fit. It's up to you, as a poster, to make it easy if you wish to accomplish your objectives.

        On another note.. Why is it that men don't get cut any slack for being in a "very fragile emotional state"? Kids can't wait while parents sort out their "fragile emotional state". And why should they?

        Lastly.. you write "her mood swings are to the point that I do get scared that she may hurt their daughter". So.. exactly what do you think YOUR responsibility is at this point? And just how long do you think you should take to get it done? A 2-1/2 year old child can not defend themselves. That's what adults are supposed to do.

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        • #19
          Originally posted by BeenThereTwice View Post
          Whether you like it or not, posters here are not required to follow your agenda, or post what you want them to post. We "calls 'em as we see 'em". It's the way it is.

          Reviewers have no obligation whatsoever to read through the mess of text that posters like you put up, and can review how they see fit. It's up to you, as a poster, to make it easy if you wish to accomplish your objectives.

          On another note.. Why is it that men don't get cut any slack for being in a "very fragile emotional state"? Kids can't wait while parents sort out their "fragile emotional state". And why should they?

          Lastly.. you write "her mood swings are to the point that I do get scared that she may hurt their daughter". So.. exactly what do you think YOUR responsibility is at this point? And just how long do you think you should take to get it done? A 2-1/2 year old child can not defend themselves. That's what adults are supposed to do.
          Reviewers are of course under absolutly no obligation to read the whole post, they are also under no obligation to post about a topic they only read half of.
          I am all for helping men who are in a very fragile emotional state, and if it were my brother in the same situation I would write the same thing but I am not talking about my brother I am talking about my sister lol. I could make it gender neutral next time if you wish and not say if it is my brother or sister if thats what you like?

          I know a 2 1/2 year old cannot defend themselves, funny how before you were suggesting sole custody to her without reading more then half of it.

          I have no desire to get into a back and forth arguement about my sister and my Neice. I am working to figure out what to do to help defend my Neice, that is why I am trying to assist my sister and try and calm her down and get her to a place where she can be happy again as she is a great mother when she is not under the stress she is under. She dedicates her life to her daughter but unfortunatly she is not doing well, she is also trying to cope with the fact that it is the 2 year anniversary of our father passing and she is not taking it well.
          Sometimes people just need help, and since I have not been in her shoes I was hoping that some people who have walked in similar shoes could help me help her.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by BeenThereTwice View Post
            You are welcome to criticize my advice, and offer your own...
            Why yes, yes I am. It's a public forum and nobody needs your permission to post anywhere.

            Althought I will say that most people are typically more interested in giving advice in their posts, not criticizing.

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            • #21
              so we are in agreement. Good.

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              • #22
                Oh, you think you're an ass, too? Excellent.

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                • #23
                  I'm guessing that's what passes for humor in Lucknow.. Ha.. Ha.. Ha..

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                  • #24
                    Maybe there is something to say about the "Beentheretwice" name? There is a big difference between constructive ideas and just being negative.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      I don't have much advice to add other than making sure your niece has the best care possible. I am happy to see that you are trying to help your sister to protect your niece. Dealing with an emotionally unstable person can be difficult. I hope things work out for your sister...

                      It's unfortunate that a lot of posts have to turn negative when you are just seeking help.

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                      • #26
                        I believe as far as the business goes BillM describes it as she pays half the debt and he takes on half the debt and he gets to continue on with the business. She would then be a 50% controlling partner in an ongoing business and abloe to pull capital and liable for added ongoing expenses continuing on - this means taking on serious liability in a business that is up for grabs if it is a viable one or just overburdened with debt. NORMALLY to take on any serious business debt there must be a method to be fulling a solid contract that in turn would guarantee X profit from Y expense.

                        In short she is probably liable for 1/2 the debt especially if she signed any documation. But in the scenario where she puts up half the debt the right thing is the equipment is sold to cover the debt thus drastically reducing the overall debt liability. What isn't covered is split even which in this case would be debt. But much less than just covering half the equipment debt straight out...... I am sure she is not interested in being 50/50 owner of various equipment.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Originally posted by ddol1 View Post
                          I believe as far as the business goes BillM describes it as she pays half the debt and he takes on half the debt and he gets to continue on with the business. She would then be a 50% controlling partner in an ongoing business and abloe to pull capital and liable for added ongoing expenses continuing on - this means taking on serious liability in a business that is up for grabs if it is a viable one or just overburdened with debt. NORMALLY to take on any serious business debt there must be a method to be fulling a solid contract that in turn would guarantee X profit from Y expense.

                          In short she is probably liable for 1/2 the debt especially if she signed any documation. But in the scenario where she puts up half the debt the right thing is the equipment is sold to cover the debt thus drastically reducing the overall debt liability. What isn't covered is split even which in this case would be debt. But much less than just covering half the equipment debt straight out...... I am sure she is not interested in being 50/50 owner of various equipment.
                          Could he buy her out of the company though? Get an evaluation of the company's worth and then pay her half of it (live buying someone out of a home sort of thing)?

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            You bet! It would be the right thing to do but if the guy went and over leaned the company the debt load is tremendous, and without a steady gauranteed contract the company probably has a negative worth on the balance sheet. I know some about the finance end and a sure sign of bankrupcy is loading the company up with debt far ahead of it customer/contract growth. As it stands this is very much just a service enterprize (labour for money, the equipment allows him to bid the hours - often in the growth stage it is better to sub out the larger equipment and take on the smaller stufF) this is history now so it is mute.

                            What she needs to think is gettting out of the business to end the ongoing risk and debt and a bit harder is to determine if there really is any worth to the company ( pricing is ususally determined as estimated auction pricing and the auction house that you chose can make a world of difference - sale proceeds go to pay off the loans..... anything left would be split. If she gets a good evaluation she is comfortable with the number that the evaluator gives becomes the sale price to which he would have to give her half. That simple scenario would have him assume 100% of the debt and I doubt he would be willing to???? But this is what negotiation is all about.

                            She needs to be firm. She needs to be sure this is what she wants. She must go hard on this because the company complicates this tremendously...... Not enough detail to make a fair comment except guessing which is what I have put down here - If I got lucky and something I put in here really clicks for her then it is a start of a plan. Sorry my memory slides but I believe her husband has no idea she has had enough?

                            If this is the case she needs to inform herself really well on the business side quietly first. Recommendation here is always once the decision is made and there is no going back the closing of joint accounts and cutting off all joint debt (business is probably running off a line of credit) This has to be closed to stop her added risk of assuming anymore debt than she already has and is responsable for. Business and personal - no difference. You have to have everything in place, she owes it to her husband to sit down and talk. Ultimately this is her choice alone - once made she should be able to make a few calls and close down the accounts ASAP +++.

                            I have put alot down here but last thought here is if this large chunk of equipment was fully borrrowed less than a year ago then essentially the payments went 90-95% to cover the loans. The equipment will have depreciated more than that.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Update, she has left now.

                              The old equipment still had loans on it, but he took on a huge debt load this summer buying new equipment. I found out the new truck is a lease, but the other equipment is being financed. I know the debt load of the company far outweights any value in it, and the only value in it is if he can work to get ahead (he is by the way 1 of the hardest workers I have met). I think their personal debt is also quite high but I am not positive about that, will have to talk to her about it.

                              Comment

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