I just got surprisingly served with court documents from my ex, requesting our divorce and permanent residence and child support…There is a case conference scheduled for November 18th, 10 days before my due date. I believe this stems from the fact that I asked my ex to go back to our original separation agreement of 50/50 no PR and I believe that really made him mad…I want to know the chances of a judge allowing me to go back to 50/50 and no primary residence with my kids. I have retained a lawyer, but I don't get in to see him until next week and I'm in such a panic now I just want to see if anyone else has gone through the same thing. These are my notes that I've been keeping to make sure I don't forget anything when I see my lawyer; you should get a good idea of my situation from this:
Separated March 2007
We continued to live under the same roof until March 2008 in order to make the separation transition easier on the children.
March 2008, I moved into my parent’s home and began the 50/50 one week on one week off.
In April 2008 my ex moved in with his mother in Kanata and commuted with the children to Orleans and back to Kanata each day, he felt that this was acceptable and I did not contest.
From March 2008 – September 2008 my Mother acted as a daycare provider for the children, on both of our weeks. I myself paid my Mother and Father for all child care and associated costs and did not ask my ex for any financial contribution, nor did he offer. He did not contribute whatsoever financially in regards to the children for this time period, other than when he physically had them. I was laid off from my job in April 2008 and did not gain employment until May 2008 and did not receive a first pay until June 2008, and still did not ask for any contribution for Daycare from my ex.
September 2008 both children began new Daycare’s we agreed to each cover a cost for 1 child, I covered our daughters care at $600/month and he covered Son’s at approximately $400/month
In September 2008 my parents informed me that they were putting their home up for sale there was no pressure for me to leave however I felt that I would need to start looking to get on my feet and on my own. It was impossible for me to find a suitable home for me and the kids in Orleans, as the only place I could find within my budget were 1 bedroom basement apartments, which I did not feel were suitable for the children, so I began to look elsewhere and moved into an apartment with my boyfriend in Gatineau. By no means was this a nice place, but it fit my budget and I tried to make it work, the kids did not like my place very much (especially in consideration of the home they had with their father) and my ex was constantly intruding into my personal business. It became increasingly difficult to manage all my bills and pay for the gas on my own, and the children were not especially liking my apartment, so my ex and I decided, that for the time being on a temporary basis, he could have the kids during the week and I would have them every other weekend, I was always under the impression that this was temporary and always made it clear to my ex that I wanted to keep my 50/50 and as soon as I got back on track financially and found a suitable home that we would return to the original agreement.
Beginning in November 2008 my children received subsidized spots in the school daycare, my ex wanted to go ahead with the subsidy but told me the only way he could get it was if he said he had primary residence, so I told him yes go ahead and do that so that we can have free daycare as we were both tight financially.
In December 2008 my ex informed me that the City wanted to see proof of primary residence, he said we absolutely had to get an amendment done to the separation agreement, stating he had primary residence, he assured me that this was only for subsidy purposes, and reluctantly, without legal counsel I signed the amendment, as he assured me it was only for the subsidy and that we could go back to one week on, one week off when I was financially stable. The amendment was signed by me and returned to his lawyer; however to this date (October 7, 2009), I have still not received a fully executed copy for my records. I have however requested one.
In March 2008 I lost my vehicle, I missed one payment and the lender was totally unwilling to help me out whatsoever, so it became impossible for me to go back to 50/50 with the children as I had no transportation, and due to my credit history was unable to get a loan on my own.
Since March 2009 I have been providing my ex with $200/month, which was an amount he requested, as well as covering all costs in relation to the kids (when informed) 50/50. Items covered include, school supplies, extra activities, special school lunches etc…
In June 2009 my boyfriend finally, after a year of looking, found a permanent stable job. The extra income has helped me significantly get back on my feet and I am now able to go back to the original 50/50 agreement.
In September 2009 my ex started a new job which requires him to work Saturdays, he asked me to keep the kids on Friday nights and Saturdays during the day, which of course I agreed to and have been doing.
September 2009 – In conversation I asked my ex if we could go back to 50/50 split time, he did not seem to like this idea, and then I come to find out he has filled to finalize the divorce and ask for a permanent child support which leads me to believe he wants permanent primary residence, which was not what I asked for.
We have also recently purchased a vehicle and are now able to bring the kids back and forth to school, just as he did when he moved to Kanata originally. It has always been my intent to go back to 50/50 as soon as I got a vehicle and we just finalized the paper work for the vehicle on October 7th, 2009, thus why I am now requesting to go back to 50/50 no primary residence.
I will be going on Maternity leave at the end of October 2009, and will be off work for one full year so it will be no problem for me to transport the kids to and from School as well as to daycare.
Separated March 2007
We continued to live under the same roof until March 2008 in order to make the separation transition easier on the children.
March 2008, I moved into my parent’s home and began the 50/50 one week on one week off.
In April 2008 my ex moved in with his mother in Kanata and commuted with the children to Orleans and back to Kanata each day, he felt that this was acceptable and I did not contest.
From March 2008 – September 2008 my Mother acted as a daycare provider for the children, on both of our weeks. I myself paid my Mother and Father for all child care and associated costs and did not ask my ex for any financial contribution, nor did he offer. He did not contribute whatsoever financially in regards to the children for this time period, other than when he physically had them. I was laid off from my job in April 2008 and did not gain employment until May 2008 and did not receive a first pay until June 2008, and still did not ask for any contribution for Daycare from my ex.
September 2008 both children began new Daycare’s we agreed to each cover a cost for 1 child, I covered our daughters care at $600/month and he covered Son’s at approximately $400/month
In September 2008 my parents informed me that they were putting their home up for sale there was no pressure for me to leave however I felt that I would need to start looking to get on my feet and on my own. It was impossible for me to find a suitable home for me and the kids in Orleans, as the only place I could find within my budget were 1 bedroom basement apartments, which I did not feel were suitable for the children, so I began to look elsewhere and moved into an apartment with my boyfriend in Gatineau. By no means was this a nice place, but it fit my budget and I tried to make it work, the kids did not like my place very much (especially in consideration of the home they had with their father) and my ex was constantly intruding into my personal business. It became increasingly difficult to manage all my bills and pay for the gas on my own, and the children were not especially liking my apartment, so my ex and I decided, that for the time being on a temporary basis, he could have the kids during the week and I would have them every other weekend, I was always under the impression that this was temporary and always made it clear to my ex that I wanted to keep my 50/50 and as soon as I got back on track financially and found a suitable home that we would return to the original agreement.
Beginning in November 2008 my children received subsidized spots in the school daycare, my ex wanted to go ahead with the subsidy but told me the only way he could get it was if he said he had primary residence, so I told him yes go ahead and do that so that we can have free daycare as we were both tight financially.
In December 2008 my ex informed me that the City wanted to see proof of primary residence, he said we absolutely had to get an amendment done to the separation agreement, stating he had primary residence, he assured me that this was only for subsidy purposes, and reluctantly, without legal counsel I signed the amendment, as he assured me it was only for the subsidy and that we could go back to one week on, one week off when I was financially stable. The amendment was signed by me and returned to his lawyer; however to this date (October 7, 2009), I have still not received a fully executed copy for my records. I have however requested one.
In March 2008 I lost my vehicle, I missed one payment and the lender was totally unwilling to help me out whatsoever, so it became impossible for me to go back to 50/50 with the children as I had no transportation, and due to my credit history was unable to get a loan on my own.
Since March 2009 I have been providing my ex with $200/month, which was an amount he requested, as well as covering all costs in relation to the kids (when informed) 50/50. Items covered include, school supplies, extra activities, special school lunches etc…
In June 2009 my boyfriend finally, after a year of looking, found a permanent stable job. The extra income has helped me significantly get back on my feet and I am now able to go back to the original 50/50 agreement.
In September 2009 my ex started a new job which requires him to work Saturdays, he asked me to keep the kids on Friday nights and Saturdays during the day, which of course I agreed to and have been doing.
September 2009 – In conversation I asked my ex if we could go back to 50/50 split time, he did not seem to like this idea, and then I come to find out he has filled to finalize the divorce and ask for a permanent child support which leads me to believe he wants permanent primary residence, which was not what I asked for.
We have also recently purchased a vehicle and are now able to bring the kids back and forth to school, just as he did when he moved to Kanata originally. It has always been my intent to go back to 50/50 as soon as I got a vehicle and we just finalized the paper work for the vehicle on October 7th, 2009, thus why I am now requesting to go back to 50/50 no primary residence.
I will be going on Maternity leave at the end of October 2009, and will be off work for one full year so it will be no problem for me to transport the kids to and from School as well as to daycare.
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