My ex has decided not to visit his kids but still speaks to them on the phone. This contact is sporadic at best. At times, he'll call several times per week. At others, weeks will pass without a word -- despite the kids leaving him voicemails where he's staying at his sister's. And when he does call, he almost always only speaks to DD8 and makes no effort to talk to DD5 who's not a big phone gal.
I have tried my best to nail down a regular calling schedule so I can ensure they are not distracted and can focus on chatting with dad. He refuses, feeling he has the right to call whenever and keep them on the phone for as long as he sees fit, regardless of what's going on.
On more than one occassion his attitude has caused much grief. Some examples:
- he calls just as I'm serving a special Sunday dinner, earlier than usual, but I wanted to eat and bathe the kids so they got a good night's sleep. I told the ex dinner was being plated but figured he'd have a brief chat and then let DD8 eat. Nope. DD5 and I were totally done before DD8 came to the table. Every time I picked up the extension asking her to come eat, the ex was screaming that I had no right to intrude on their conversations etc...
-we were on our way out to brunch and sledding with my friend and his 3 kids + my 2 galz when the ex called. The kids were literaly putting on their outdoor gear and I would've let the machine answer. But the eldest saw it was her dad so answered. Despite telling him her great plans for the afternoon and saying she was hungry, it was over an hour later when I finally ended the conversation in a not too nice way.
- he has revealed disturbing and personal details from my own childhood to my DD8, things she shouldn't even have to know about at her tender age.
- he cries almost every time they speak, telling them he'd rather die than live like this, leaving the kids feeling sorry for him.
- he'll keep them on the phone well past bedtime, and whenever this happens the following morning it's sheer torture to get them on their school bus.
Whenever I intervene, I get greif from both the ex and my DD8.
I do my best to mitigate this damage, reassuring the kids nothing is their fault. But I bear the brunt of the eldest's acting out.
I have taped several conversations, which he knew about, and he still said alarming things. He's now told DD8 how to stop the recording device and so she does.
Is there anything I can do to stop these harmful conversations? I doubt it, given it's hard to even prevent in person contact, but fig'd it was worth asking.
Thanks!
I have tried my best to nail down a regular calling schedule so I can ensure they are not distracted and can focus on chatting with dad. He refuses, feeling he has the right to call whenever and keep them on the phone for as long as he sees fit, regardless of what's going on.
On more than one occassion his attitude has caused much grief. Some examples:
- he calls just as I'm serving a special Sunday dinner, earlier than usual, but I wanted to eat and bathe the kids so they got a good night's sleep. I told the ex dinner was being plated but figured he'd have a brief chat and then let DD8 eat. Nope. DD5 and I were totally done before DD8 came to the table. Every time I picked up the extension asking her to come eat, the ex was screaming that I had no right to intrude on their conversations etc...
-we were on our way out to brunch and sledding with my friend and his 3 kids + my 2 galz when the ex called. The kids were literaly putting on their outdoor gear and I would've let the machine answer. But the eldest saw it was her dad so answered. Despite telling him her great plans for the afternoon and saying she was hungry, it was over an hour later when I finally ended the conversation in a not too nice way.
- he has revealed disturbing and personal details from my own childhood to my DD8, things she shouldn't even have to know about at her tender age.
- he cries almost every time they speak, telling them he'd rather die than live like this, leaving the kids feeling sorry for him.
- he'll keep them on the phone well past bedtime, and whenever this happens the following morning it's sheer torture to get them on their school bus.
Whenever I intervene, I get greif from both the ex and my DD8.
I do my best to mitigate this damage, reassuring the kids nothing is their fault. But I bear the brunt of the eldest's acting out.
I have taped several conversations, which he knew about, and he still said alarming things. He's now told DD8 how to stop the recording device and so she does.
Is there anything I can do to stop these harmful conversations? I doubt it, given it's hard to even prevent in person contact, but fig'd it was worth asking.
Thanks!
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