Hi all,
First post. I'll start with honesty. I had an affair and my marriage is toxic now, 3+ years have passed from the day I told my wife. The lies associated with it further bludgeoned the relationship. I offer no excuses for what I've done and am only left with deep sadness for the pain I've caused everyone and pain my children will endure as a result of us likely divorcing and knowing the horrible choices their father has made. People can tear me down but knowing how much pain I've brought to those I was supposed to love is far worse than words from a stranger. I am just making active choices (and have been for years to be honest at all costs and loyal (which I have been)).
I'm here because our relationship is emotionally devastating. My wife is tormented daily and when I do something that triggers her it is unbearable. I don't want to trigger her and make choices to avoid that but I am not always successful. I end up agreeing with everything and not making decisions (big or small) without first consulting her completely. I want to pave a way to honestly but after 3+ years of steps backwards I feel that this is the end. I'm not sure I can emotionally cope with this any longer. We're both at the point now where we stay together to keep the kids life intact and hope that the kids has some measure of reduced trauma by us staying together. I want to get feedback from everyone who is in a similar situation. The "staying together for the kids" part is mixed opinions at best. There are a lot of things to consider. If we divorce they lose the home they know. They lose the friends they live next to because both parents will have to leave.
Is it worth it for my kids? I feel like I cannot be the dad I want to be with such anger and hate directed my way each and every day over the trauma I brought into our lives. I'm incredibly remorseful over my choices but I question whether or not continuing this is healthy for either of us. I have been honest with her but she cannot believe me anymore for which I understand. Considering everything, which is the best choice for the kids? They are all school age.
Thanks
First post. I'll start with honesty. I had an affair and my marriage is toxic now, 3+ years have passed from the day I told my wife. The lies associated with it further bludgeoned the relationship. I offer no excuses for what I've done and am only left with deep sadness for the pain I've caused everyone and pain my children will endure as a result of us likely divorcing and knowing the horrible choices their father has made. People can tear me down but knowing how much pain I've brought to those I was supposed to love is far worse than words from a stranger. I am just making active choices (and have been for years to be honest at all costs and loyal (which I have been)).
I'm here because our relationship is emotionally devastating. My wife is tormented daily and when I do something that triggers her it is unbearable. I don't want to trigger her and make choices to avoid that but I am not always successful. I end up agreeing with everything and not making decisions (big or small) without first consulting her completely. I want to pave a way to honestly but after 3+ years of steps backwards I feel that this is the end. I'm not sure I can emotionally cope with this any longer. We're both at the point now where we stay together to keep the kids life intact and hope that the kids has some measure of reduced trauma by us staying together. I want to get feedback from everyone who is in a similar situation. The "staying together for the kids" part is mixed opinions at best. There are a lot of things to consider. If we divorce they lose the home they know. They lose the friends they live next to because both parents will have to leave.
Is it worth it for my kids? I feel like I cannot be the dad I want to be with such anger and hate directed my way each and every day over the trauma I brought into our lives. I'm incredibly remorseful over my choices but I question whether or not continuing this is healthy for either of us. I have been honest with her but she cannot believe me anymore for which I understand. Considering everything, which is the best choice for the kids? They are all school age.
Thanks
Comment