Appropriate Response?

[Berner_Faith]

STBX text last night and said that D3 was now in a booster seat... this alarmed my bf and I, as when we weighed her on the weekend she was only 35.5lbs...now we understand scales fluctuate, but stbx is claiming D6 weighs 42lbs.

BF sent her a message back stating that he didn't understnad how she could be 42lbs when on Sunday she only weighed 35.5lbs (we weigh the children every Sunday we have them) Her response was that scales fluctuate and she didn't care she was using it. He responded and said it was her decision but he did not agree and would not be switching her to a booster.

She then emailed and said the following...

So it was ok for Brayden but not kodi? When did u become such a concerned parent. U weren't when we were together. Email me if u want to discuss this further. I will put her back in the car seat for now but pls stop the charade when ur talking to me. I was with u for ten yrs and I don't even know who u r anymore. Just email me if u have anything else pls. Sorry I texted u I should have emailed in the first place. I'm not trying to start a fight Shaun. It's just that since the kids were born I asked u to be responsible. To think about them instead of yourself. And u couldn't do it. You leave me and all of a sudden u are a caring father who puts the kids first. I don't know you any more. Why did we have to split up for you to change? I just don't understand.

He would like to respond with the following...

I don’t understand why you are getting upset for me being concerned? Their safety should be of the utmost importance. There is a reason we added the back to S6 booster seat to provide him with more protection. I have ever right to be concerned for them and will express this as necessary. I understand D3 may be excited to be in a booster seat and sees it as growing up, but until she meats the legal requirements (Being 40+lbs, reaching a height of 4’9” or turns 8 years old) I just don’t feel because she is hovering around the 40lb mark it is safe for her to be in one until she stays above 40lbs.

I refuse to address the rest of your email as it is not pertaining to the children, therefore not worth discussing.

[Tayken]

STBX text last night and said that D3 was now in a booster seat... this alarmed my bf and I, as when we weighed her on the weekend she was only 35.5lbs...now we understand scales fluctuate, but stbx is claiming D6 weighs 42lbs.

BF sent her a message back stating that he didn't understnad how she could be 42lbs when on Sunday she only weighed 35.5lbs (we weigh the children every Sunday we have them) Her response was that scales fluctuate and she didn't care she was using it. He responded and said it was her decision but he did not agree and would not be switching her to a booster.

She then emailed and said the following...

So it was ok for Brayden but not kodi? When did u become such a concerned parent. U weren't when we were together. Email me if u want to discuss this further. I will put her back in the car seat for now but pls stop the charade when ur talking to me. I was with u for ten yrs and I don't even know who u r anymore. Just email me if u have anything else pls. Sorry I texted u I should have emailed in the first place. I'm not trying to start a fight Shaun. It's just that since the kids were born I asked u to be responsible. To think about them instead of yourself. And u couldn't do it. You leave me and all of a sudden u are a caring father who puts the kids first. I don't know you any more. Why did we have to split up for you to change? I just don't understand.

He would like to respond with the following...

I don’t understand why you are getting upset for me being concerned? Their safety should be of the utmost importance. There is a reason we added the back to S6 booster seat to provide him with more protection. I have ever right to be concerned for them and will express this as necessary. I understand D3 may be excited to be in a booster seat and sees it as growing up, but until she meats the legal requirements (Being 40+lbs, reaching a height of 4’9” or turns 8 years old) I just don’t feel because she is hovering around the 40lb mark it is safe for her to be in one until she stays above 40lbs.

I refuse to address the rest of your email as it is not pertaining to the children, therefore not worth discussing.

Stay out of the emotional argument.

Dear Other Parent:

Putting the issues aside about our past relationship problems aside and focusing on what is best and the safest for Kodi here is my perspective:

1. Kodi does not meet the legal requirements to be in a booster seat by weight or height.

2. I was just providing my opinion as a parent as to if it was safe for Kodi to be sitting in a booster seat.

3. As the car seat is in your car, you are responsible for whatever Kodi sits in. I will not be putting Kodi in a booster seat as her safety is important to me.

4. When in my car Kodi will be in the appropriate car seat for her age, weight and height.

Yours very truly,
Blah

Just a thought... Stick to what is right. You can't tell her to change the car seat. But, you can put your position forward. Don't try to control the other parent. Arguing over something like this is... Well... Not worth it.

Just be assertive, state the facts, and avoid the emotions.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[Berner_Faith]

Thanks again Tayken... I felt it was too emotion based also. We will send that response and see what happens...

In the end it is her decision but Kodi's safety is also our concern.

[ddol1]

Been a long time since I dealt with this issue - you do list the three things that are indicators to moving up to the next stage (the booster) I just remember the safety issue is not really meeting just one of them (hieght, wieght and I do not ever remember age as this has nothing to do with 1 and 2.

I seem to really remember the number one issue is the hieght - this is to do with the seat belt and where this contacts the child while in the booster. In an accident the pressure the body of the person, adult or child can be unbelievably high - so high that the child in this case be severely injured, or worse, not by the accident but by the seat belt and the contact point on the body - (goes for pregnant women as well if I remember right too)

If you have a heavy child that is short - keep them out of the booster until they get taller or they just do not fit in the car seat anymore. This is not a rush!!

[Tayken]

Thanks again Tayken... I felt it was too emotion based also. We will send that response and see what happens...

In the end it is her decision but Kodi's safety is also our concern.

You have every right to express your concern about the safety but, you just need to demonstrate the concern and how YOU as a parent are going to act when Kodi is with YOU.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[NBDad]

To be honest, your best bet here is "radio silence", despite how much you may want to respond. You have expressed your concerns, you have indicated you do not agree with the decision, but at the end of the day you cannot force her to abide by it.

Coats, boots, etc usually add a couple of pounds, AND scales can fluctuate.

Should the kid be in a booster...probably not, but you have said your piece in a documentable format. End the back and forth.

[Berner_Faith]

Your absolutely right NBDad... we can't force her to do anything but by expressing his concern is what prompted her whole response. Either way, she reverted back to using the car seat until she can prove she is over 40lbs according to her.
I picked the kids up Friday, and when we brought them home I weighed them on the new scale I bought (went and bought a new one just in case ours was wrong)...this scale said she was 36lbs... we understand scales fluctuate, however 6+ lbs difference is a big fluctuation. Of course the first thing I was told when she got in the van was ha "She isn't allowed to use her booster seat anymore because Daddy won't let Mommy put her in it."

I just told her that Daddy was concerned with her safety and left it at that... whether she understands he reasoning or not, not much we can do.

[standing on the sidelines]

kinda sounds like when they were together they put the older one in a car sear before the appropriate time also. If so then why is he so worried now????

Just a point about scales though, the surface they sit on can change the weight, if they are kept in a bathroom and also just moving them can change the read out. Best bet is the doctors scales or ones that a regularly checked to make sure the weight is accurate.

[Berner_Faith]

Well I can tell you that his son was not in a booster seat until he was 5 years old...I started dating him when his son was 4.5 years and it wasn't until his 5th birthday that we purchased booster seats for us and HER. He was 43lbs when he went in a booster, but is rather tall like his Dad.

Like I said, I understand scales fluctuate but 6lbs is a huge difference.

[standing on the sidelines]

Well I can tell you that his son was not in a booster seat until he was 5 years old...I started dating him when his son was 4.5 years and it wasn't until his 5th birthday that we purchased booster seats for us and HER. He was 43lbs when he went in a booster, but is rather tall like his Dad.

Like I said, I understand scales fluctuate but 6lbs is a huge difference.

k it just sounded from the way she worded the letter that it was different then that.

6lbs is a difference but i had a scale that i kept in the bathroom that was about 9 lbs off. It was set to zero but apparently the steam and humdity in the bathroom from showers etc can really screw the ones with the dials up. I now have a digital one that i keep in a corner of the kitchen.

May I ask why you are weighing the kids everytime they are with you?? I would be worried that the girl especially may start thinking that there is an emphasis on weight and you could be setting her up for an eating disorder later in life.

[Berner_Faith]

The kids jump on the scale at their own will. It has nothing to do with an eating disorder. His son did it to, because he was told by everyone that until he reached over 40lbs he couldn't be in a booster seat. Usually they brush their teeth in the morning and then jump on the scale to see if they gained any weight... mentioning an eating disorder is a little far fetched

[standing on the sidelines]

The kids jump on the scale at their own will. It has nothing to do with an eating disorder. His son did it to, because he was told by everyone that until he reached over 40lbs he couldn't be in a booster seat. Usually they brush their teeth in the morning and then jump on the scale to see if they gained any weight... mentioning an eating disorder is a little far fetched

if you re-read what i wrote i never said that they had an eating disorder, i just said that it could lead to one. You said in your original post that you weighed them ever week they are with you.