Wow. A lot of reading.
So, I was in a similar situation with son (and then daughter) but my OCL was great. So I can't help you there but I can empathize with you. (Oh, and I am a male)
Rule #1- don't call CAS on your ex spouse.
Rule #2- if you feel that the "abuse" is significant and CAS should be called. See Rule #1.
Rule #3- if the abuse results in an injury that needs medical attention. See Rule #1 and then take your child to the emergency department. If you feel silly going to the emergency department for this medical attention, then so will CAS.
CAS doesn't seem to take ex spouses concerns seriously. If the abuse is significant, a teacher or a doctor will notice it and be compelled to report it. Not out of the kindness of their heart; it is a legal requirement and there are stiff penalties for not reporting suspected abuse. In your case the psychologist.
Can you get a recommendation from the psychologist? That is the expert.
The OCL is suppose to give your child a voice in court. I don't recall ever seeing a "report", just an affidavit from the counselor assigned to the case. If the child's views are not expressed to the court, I imagine you could argue that the OCL's report is only an opinion and the child's view was not expressed. Maybe someone with more knowledge on this could chime in. Like I said, my OCL was great and our child's views were expressed through the counselor assigned.
One thing our children's OCL did say and the Judge reiterated, is that children vote with their feet.
Some Food for Thought:
I was told early in the separation, by our marriage counselor, not to bad mouth the other parent because it often backfires; and it did in my ex's case. Think about it, your child just wants to feel comfortable. They won't feel comfortable if you are badmouthing a person they love.
Lead by example. I take our children out to by my ex a nice gift on Mother's Day and her Birthday. I do it so the children have a gift to give their mother and they can bask in her appreciation. My new spouse used to get angry with me when I "did things for my ex" until I explained to her that I don't do ANYTHING for my ex. Everything I do is for our children, it just happens that sometimes my ex benefits from it.
Embrace your ex's new spouse, pray that he/she loves your children and pray that your children love him/her. They will not replace you, you will always have that unconditional love. Let the children tell you stories of their time with your ex and his/her spouse. Even if it is killing you inside, smile and listen. If you accept that things have changed and this is the new normal for you and your children, it won't kill you inside.
So, I was in a similar situation with son (and then daughter) but my OCL was great. So I can't help you there but I can empathize with you. (Oh, and I am a male)
Rule #1- don't call CAS on your ex spouse.
Rule #2- if you feel that the "abuse" is significant and CAS should be called. See Rule #1.
Rule #3- if the abuse results in an injury that needs medical attention. See Rule #1 and then take your child to the emergency department. If you feel silly going to the emergency department for this medical attention, then so will CAS.
CAS doesn't seem to take ex spouses concerns seriously. If the abuse is significant, a teacher or a doctor will notice it and be compelled to report it. Not out of the kindness of their heart; it is a legal requirement and there are stiff penalties for not reporting suspected abuse. In your case the psychologist.
Can you get a recommendation from the psychologist? That is the expert.
The OCL is suppose to give your child a voice in court. I don't recall ever seeing a "report", just an affidavit from the counselor assigned to the case. If the child's views are not expressed to the court, I imagine you could argue that the OCL's report is only an opinion and the child's view was not expressed. Maybe someone with more knowledge on this could chime in. Like I said, my OCL was great and our child's views were expressed through the counselor assigned.
One thing our children's OCL did say and the Judge reiterated, is that children vote with their feet.
Some Food for Thought:
I was told early in the separation, by our marriage counselor, not to bad mouth the other parent because it often backfires; and it did in my ex's case. Think about it, your child just wants to feel comfortable. They won't feel comfortable if you are badmouthing a person they love.
Lead by example. I take our children out to by my ex a nice gift on Mother's Day and her Birthday. I do it so the children have a gift to give their mother and they can bask in her appreciation. My new spouse used to get angry with me when I "did things for my ex" until I explained to her that I don't do ANYTHING for my ex. Everything I do is for our children, it just happens that sometimes my ex benefits from it.
Embrace your ex's new spouse, pray that he/she loves your children and pray that your children love him/her. They will not replace you, you will always have that unconditional love. Let the children tell you stories of their time with your ex and his/her spouse. Even if it is killing you inside, smile and listen. If you accept that things have changed and this is the new normal for you and your children, it won't kill you inside.
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