If you are forced to deal with high conflict what is your best tip that has worked for you to calm, diffuse or just help you manage stress and be a better parent in spite of the conflict?
Like many men I tend to react quickly and have worked on being aware of the bio-feedback when the adrenaline kicks in and my mouth listens to my amygdala. Great when you are getting mugged in an alley, not great when you are confronted by your ex and worse if the kids are present. I am learning , slowly, but learning.
Me first.
The Buddha was known for being a calm and practical person. he would go the market each day and one of the vendors would always yell at him and insult him. Buddha would not respond. Finally the vendor confronted Buddha and got in his face asking why don't you react to me Buddha, are you better than me?
Buddha asked the vendor. If I offer you a gift and you accept the gift who does the gift belong to?
The vendor said well of course it would belong to me Buddha you idiot!
And if you refuse the gift who does it belong to?
Well it would still be yours Buddha you moron.
So if you offer me abuse and I do not choose to listen or accept your words who does the abuse belong to?
Do I take this advice? As often as I possibly can. It ain't easy. It takes awareness and the skill of taking the time to reflect before reacting.
Be well, don't take the gifts unless YOU decide that YOU want them.
Please share your practical tips and thank you.
Like many men I tend to react quickly and have worked on being aware of the bio-feedback when the adrenaline kicks in and my mouth listens to my amygdala. Great when you are getting mugged in an alley, not great when you are confronted by your ex and worse if the kids are present. I am learning , slowly, but learning.
Me first.
The Buddha was known for being a calm and practical person. he would go the market each day and one of the vendors would always yell at him and insult him. Buddha would not respond. Finally the vendor confronted Buddha and got in his face asking why don't you react to me Buddha, are you better than me?
Buddha asked the vendor. If I offer you a gift and you accept the gift who does the gift belong to?
The vendor said well of course it would belong to me Buddha you idiot!
And if you refuse the gift who does it belong to?
Well it would still be yours Buddha you moron.
So if you offer me abuse and I do not choose to listen or accept your words who does the abuse belong to?
Do I take this advice? As often as I possibly can. It ain't easy. It takes awareness and the skill of taking the time to reflect before reacting.
Be well, don't take the gifts unless YOU decide that YOU want them.
Please share your practical tips and thank you.
Comment