Anyone ever had SS stopped

[ZZ1203]

Just wondering what it takes to stop SS. I`ve been paying for 8 Yrs was married for 20.Ex works full time makes good money.Do judges take into account how secure my employment is,as i am going through months of layoffs.Her employment is in healthcare of elderly.

[Kimberley]

Does your court order state the length of time you would pay, or was it indefinitely? Others will be better able to answer this for you, but i would assume that you may have to take it back to court for any changes.

[ZZ1203]

No there was no time limit on the court order.The exs financial situation is a lot better now I`m sure her house is paid for and she has relatives living with her.I`m seeing a lawyer next month and just didnt want to hear that i couldnt do anything.

[dadtotheend]

If she is making more than you, how are you supposed to be paying her??? Is there something I'm missing here?

The amount of SS for your court order has to be based on you making far more than her way back then, circumstances have changed, but you can only vary it with a court order, hopefully it will be on her consent, otherwise you will have to litigate.

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

I assume because she now has a better employment, that you could apply "a change in material circumstances for that reason. The onus would be for you to show that at the time of the implementation of the SS order she was not in a good financial position, and you were. And clearly document that she has had a demonstratable increase in employment stability and standard of living while yours has declined.

I would suspect that the courts would again look at her need and your means coupled with the fact that you have supported her now for 8 years, and now are having financial difficulty particularly with employment stability. I think they would consider at the very minimum a reduction with a limit applied this time, but hopefully if things are as good as you say they are for her, then there is the possibility that they may be removed all together.
After all FL is never a guarentee.

[ZZ1203]

No I never said she makes more than me,but her situation has improved alot.I couldn`t believe that I had to pay SS in the first place,our house was free and clear when it was sold.She went after my CPP and will get part of that ,I gave her some of my rrsp`s,all moneys was split down the middle.She got 90% of furnishings.I let her take that so she wouldn`t be in debt.The courts don`t seem to care.I`m not saying that i`m hurting financially but I would like to start putting some money away for my retirement in case my employer closes up.With the way the manufacturing industry is dying you think the courts would look at that as part of their decision making.

[ZZ1203]

I`m new to this site so it probably sounds like i`m ranting but I don`t agree with most SS cases.

[raerae]

I don't think it really ends for a LONG LONG time.. My current husband is paying his ex wife SS.. here's the synopsis.

They were together for a total of 6 years, married 5. He has been paying for 10 years, she has been repartnered for 10 years. She has also worked full time at a min wage job for 3 years. Her partner only works 3-6 months per year min wage.

3 yrs ago he asked the lawyer about stopping it, he was told not likely, not worth trying due to his healthy income. Now she took HIM to court for more and retro child support for a kid that hasn't lived with her for over 3 yrs. Lawyer says.. spousal likely to end.. not WILL end, but likely.

Spousal support is a farce.. it is a pension for life. I can't even imagine why men marry.. never mind twice? It makes me angry that some women don't want to move on and support themselves or would be comfortable having their ex husband support their current husband and household.. what is wrong with the law? It is like a pendulam that either goes one way too far or the other way too far.

So the law says.. if you were kind enough to support her for a number of years.. then you're vulnerable enough to continue. The best punch line situation is when they cheat and get paid for life.. hmm

[Kimberley]

The way I see it is (because of my situation of course) but why would a woman who has the ability to get out (or back) into the workforce want her ex to continue to support her.
I married just after turning 20, and we were together for 14 years with 4 children when enough was enough.
We both agreed at the start that I would stay home to raise the kids, but once the youngest was in school, I wanted to go back into the work force. That being said, while I was home with the kids, I taught myself everything I could about computers, web design, and with drawing/art as something I always loved, I added graphics design to the list. This enabled me to make small amounts of money doing stuff when the kids were napping etc so I could spend it on extras for the little ones.
When my 4th child started school, I went to work in the tech industry, and this was a huge boost of self-esteem being away for 8+ hours a day from a man that was very emotionally abusive and controlling. It took me about 18 months being back into the work force, proving to myself that I really could do things besides cook, clean, do laundry before I finally found the courage to take life back into my own hands & get myself & the kids away from the cruelty we lived with the ex.
I absolutely do not want a cent of spousal support from him, nothing, period. It doesn't matter that I stayed home raising babies, giving up taking a degree in accounting to do as such, cause my babies were worth it. I stayed home for 11 years, did everything that involved the home, the kids, etc, and while I _might_ be within my 'rights' to request spousal support, I don't want it.
All I want is child support for the children, it's what they have a right to, and what they deserve, period.
So that being said - when a marriage ends, and you're moving on with your life - why does anyone want that SS?
Just curious I suppose.

[standing on the sidelines]

I never wanted or asked for SS. There were no kids involved and he made considerable more money then I did. I did not want anything more to do with him and to close that chapter of my life. Was it hard, you betcha but I made it on my own without any money from him.

[ZZ1203]

I know why my ex wants SS It`s not because she needs it,It has to do with greed and being a thorn in my side because I ended the relationship!

[Fair4All]

ZZ1203,

When you were married, did your ex give up a potential career to stay home and raise the children? If so, SS would be considered compensatory. If she had no potential career and SS is basically to support her so that she can get back on her feet, then it's non compensatory. Of late courts have started being more diligent in enforcing the "making reasonable efforts to become self sufficient" part of the Divorce Act in non compensatory cases (from what I've read anyways). Her age, the age of the dependents and her debt also come into play. See CanLII - 2008 ONCA 11 (CanLII) (this should be a link to the canlii.org website and cite the Fisher case from 2008).

It sounds like yours is the latter case as she is now working and has her house paid off. Was there ever a review order put in place? Otherwise, you may have to show change in material circumstances in order to go back to court. However, like FL, I think her change in employment circumstances could be impetus to go back to court.

Determine how much she benefited financially from the divorce (RRSP's, any equity in the house, SS provided over the years). By showing that she's received hundreds of thousands of dollars, thus enabling her to pay off her house and gain better employment, hopefully the courts may be more sympathetic.

I also agree that we're not in the early 1900's anymore and that a woman who married in the 1980's, though married for 20 years, is more than competent in working at becoming financially independent from her ex. Men can do, right? So why don't the judges think the same way? Are they all in their 70's or something?

[ZZ1203]

My Ex has always worked ,but it was always my cheque that paid 90% of all the bills she took care of birthdays and gifts.She also paid for her own car,she does not need SS, she didn`t need it when we split and she does not need it now.the only reason she went after it was because she is bitter.I was surprized I had to pay in the first place.The courts need to change their way of dealing with SS,and not just order SS because One spouse asks for it.Like I said before I`m going to see a lawyer next month and I`ll see if I have a chance of getting it stopped ,I`ll post it with a big smile if it goes my way but not holding my breath!!!!!!!!

[ANewLife]

Question on SS

I get the opposite...all my ex-wife speaks about is the SS - She doesn't want to move out (Her new partner may buy the home, see another thread titled 'Girlfriend sleeping over' for background).

It seems, I'll be the one moving out, taking the 2 boys with me and she says that is okay 'as long as I get my Spousal Support'!

My question: Would she even be entitled to spousal support if I have taken on full responsibility with the kids and done all the work (i.e. moving and getting a new home etc) while she justs ocntinues with someone else moving in and taking on the financial commitment (she has started PT work since we decided to divorce).

I am thinking of offering some equity as a 'free and clear' type situation, although I realize giving that up means I don't get a tax deduction (as I would if I paid SS on a monthly basis) - which may be better?

PS She also doesn't realize when she is working that she will actually have to pay Child support to me - that will be a real kicker! even though I am the sole earner currently, she assumes she has no responsibilities towards the boys (at least financially). She is alos not claiming custody for them (at least at this stage - maybe reality of what she is giving up will kick in?)

[Fair4All]

Hello ANewLife,

Glad to hear things are amicable and that custody of the children does not appear to be an issue. But as you mentioned, "maybe the reality of what she is giving up will kick in." Be prepared that the court will award her spousal support (even though she may be living with someone else) in order for her to maintain a home for her children (even though they don't live with her full-time). Are you going to court to have an order done up? Even though everything's amicable now, it's advisable to get agreements in writing. For example, she's working part-time now, but is there a plan for her to upgrade her education or work full-time? Attempt to set a time limit on spousal support and ensure you get regular evidence of her seeking full-time employment.

I don't know how long you were married, or what her situation was before you married, but the courts will give her the benefit of the doubt and plenty of time to get on her feet (very possibly more years than you were married).

I'd consult with a lawyer and ask about dollar amounts (her income vs. your income). If your income is significantly higher, make sure you don't have a lot of discretionary income left at the end of every month (but still ensure the children's needs are met). It's archaic, but the Family Court judges will look at how much the man earns, as well as his expenses, and determine how much he is to pay the woman. They don't necessarily look at her ability and means to become self-sufficient. If she worked before and during marriage the ex-husband pays for compensating her for lost career income. If she didn't work before or during the marriage the ex-husband pays whether or not she starts making employment income. The end result is the same: the ex-husband pays. Welcome to 1928. Oops... we're 2008 (except in the Family Courts).