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OP resitant to OP challenging CAS efforts to return to parenting schedule

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  • #16
    It really is about the girls being comfortable and they just came trotting in the house from school with a few friends and are presently baking.

    Our worker and their counsellor said that they expressed some hesitation after the fact (about staying tonight), but we'll let it ride and if it comes to fruition organically, great. If they ask to go to their mom's, the suggestion is that I allow it to happen. And I will. The intention still being to move in the present direction but be paying attention to what they express as well. The worker is leary of their pushback after slbeing at OP for a couple of days, so if tonight doesn't work, she has a bit of a new plan if need be.

    I'm hoping we're a go, but if not, it will come, and until then, I'll have a pile of questionable baking to eat (made with smiles at home...that ain't bad ☺)

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    • #17
      UPDATE!!!

      CAS has reported that our daughters are "naturally comfortable" with me and that the steady build back to our 50/50 parenting schedule that we had fallen out of (due to everything written here previous) is reported as being "positive" by both D10 an D12.

      Unfortunately, they reported that they are concerned that both our daughters appear pulled by love and loyalry between both myself and OP and that they appear to be reporting different things to myself and to OP as to the quality of our time together, possible to "say what each parent wants to hear" and that this is likely the most immediate cause of their distress. This, of course, was reported after extensive consultation with our daughters' counselor.

      Lastly, they stated that alongside the apparently successful movement back towards our status quo, that they encourage facilitating a counselling session between our daughters and myself to further increase our lines of communication (which have already started moving back to what they had been if not better). That this session would be for us, and with only us in attendance.

      In response, OP stated plainly that if there was going to me any session between myself and our daughters, that she would be there in the waiting room, that any further movement towards our normal 50/50 schedule would be predicated on that session taking place first and with her present, that she does not believe our daughters are reporting anything different to either parent and does not believe that they feel torn between their love for me and feelings of loyalty to her.

      Two months ago when this started, CAS raised the spectre of a legal process if things were dragging along still.

      This time, their response to OP was, I think, definitive: "I want to emphasize my increased concern about the conflict in the planning for the children and moving forward....If this process is constantly hitting obstacles and being interrupted, the Society may need to look at further intervention through the CFSA courts in order to ensure that it is in the best interest of the children".

      I honestly hope that it doesn't come to this, that OP just let's us continue to move forward. Even if it's slow, our daughters are moving back to being easy here at home and generally brighter and lighter like the children they had always been. If not, it certainly sounds like CAS is giving a hard look at why it is seems to be compromised so very often.

      I don't want to have our daughters grow up to have fragile, demanding or undermined relationships with either of us. We all see or know personally what that can do to people as they move on in their own circle of friends and eventually families.

      I know there was always the option of going through courts, but when trying to avoid conflict with the other parent, it's nice to have something a step down trying to advocate that it is best, and clearly positive, that you remain just as important and equal person in your children's lives, because that is what is best for them.
      Last edited by Trix; 04-12-2017, 01:16 PM.

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