Presently have 50/50 with D8 and D11.
Over the past couple of years, it has become abundantly clear to me that FS (former spouse), not only has little respect for my relationship with our children, but actively works to undermine it.
"mommy says you're lying"
"mommy says you chose [new spouse] over your family"
"mommy says it's all about you and not us"
Finally, in the spring, among other things, D8 stated repeated that her mother had been encouraging her to just live with her and visit me sometimes, that all she would have to do is tell her doctor (I'm assuming she meant counselor) where she wanted to stay and that she could decide that when she was 12. D11 confirmed this. The next morning I commenced an application to amend our existing order and have the court order a family assessment.
A few months later my daughters were talking and again asked if they could tell me about something that was bothering them. They started to tell me and, for the first time, I fidgeted with my phone and set it to record. I will not quote for reasons of anonymity, but in short, they stated that their mother would repeatedly, at bedtime, ask them to repeat that she took care of them, and that I didn't.
Last night, D8 started talking again, and for the second time I recorded part of the statement. This time, she stated that her mother had told her and her and her sister that while they didn't have to make a decision now, that a legal process would not separate the children and that if they were going to decide later on at who's house they wanted to live, they would have to make that decision together. Words used included "judge" "you know, like the law" and "court thing".
I have never referenced any legal process with our daughters. It is extremely upsetting to me that they are being made to feel as though they have to make these decisions.
First, the purpose of me requesting the assessment isn't necessarily to have full custody, but rather the belief (or hope) that if a bright light is shining down, the behavior may change to an extent. More concretely, the hope that counseling is suggested for FS. I do not discount the possibility that suggestions regarding custody may be made.
Overriding, though, is my relationship with my daughters.
Things may get lost in translation, but on multiple occasions of both daughters being together and seamlessly recounting these conversations, I have little doubt that FS is engaged in parental alienation. The impact that it is having on our daughters is obvious to me. They trust me though, they speak to me and I don't want them to lose that trust. When I first filed my affidavit requesting the family assessment I spoke to D8 and told her that I had let her mommy know about a few of the things she had repeated to me. I felt it necessary but I knew there was a chance that she could think it as being a betrayal of trust.
Now though, with the behavior escalating, I see little choice but to continue pushing for the assessment. If FS were to ever hear what it was our daughters had repeated to me, they would wear it fully. There is no question in my mind that there would be an incredible amount of fallout if FS came to know that they had not shown loyalty to her.
I cannot fully articulate my level of concern without referencing these recordings and other conversations had, but I need to balance that with maintaining my daughters trust.
My question is this: is there a way to make these recordings known to the court to support my motion, and perhaps later to the OCL or other third party assessor, without them being made known to FS to protect my relationship with my daughters and my daughters from potential fallout from their mother.
I know that was long-winded,
Thank you,
Trix
Over the past couple of years, it has become abundantly clear to me that FS (former spouse), not only has little respect for my relationship with our children, but actively works to undermine it.
"mommy says you're lying"
"mommy says you chose [new spouse] over your family"
"mommy says it's all about you and not us"
Finally, in the spring, among other things, D8 stated repeated that her mother had been encouraging her to just live with her and visit me sometimes, that all she would have to do is tell her doctor (I'm assuming she meant counselor) where she wanted to stay and that she could decide that when she was 12. D11 confirmed this. The next morning I commenced an application to amend our existing order and have the court order a family assessment.
A few months later my daughters were talking and again asked if they could tell me about something that was bothering them. They started to tell me and, for the first time, I fidgeted with my phone and set it to record. I will not quote for reasons of anonymity, but in short, they stated that their mother would repeatedly, at bedtime, ask them to repeat that she took care of them, and that I didn't.
Last night, D8 started talking again, and for the second time I recorded part of the statement. This time, she stated that her mother had told her and her and her sister that while they didn't have to make a decision now, that a legal process would not separate the children and that if they were going to decide later on at who's house they wanted to live, they would have to make that decision together. Words used included "judge" "you know, like the law" and "court thing".
I have never referenced any legal process with our daughters. It is extremely upsetting to me that they are being made to feel as though they have to make these decisions.
First, the purpose of me requesting the assessment isn't necessarily to have full custody, but rather the belief (or hope) that if a bright light is shining down, the behavior may change to an extent. More concretely, the hope that counseling is suggested for FS. I do not discount the possibility that suggestions regarding custody may be made.
Overriding, though, is my relationship with my daughters.
Things may get lost in translation, but on multiple occasions of both daughters being together and seamlessly recounting these conversations, I have little doubt that FS is engaged in parental alienation. The impact that it is having on our daughters is obvious to me. They trust me though, they speak to me and I don't want them to lose that trust. When I first filed my affidavit requesting the family assessment I spoke to D8 and told her that I had let her mommy know about a few of the things she had repeated to me. I felt it necessary but I knew there was a chance that she could think it as being a betrayal of trust.
Now though, with the behavior escalating, I see little choice but to continue pushing for the assessment. If FS were to ever hear what it was our daughters had repeated to me, they would wear it fully. There is no question in my mind that there would be an incredible amount of fallout if FS came to know that they had not shown loyalty to her.
I cannot fully articulate my level of concern without referencing these recordings and other conversations had, but I need to balance that with maintaining my daughters trust.
My question is this: is there a way to make these recordings known to the court to support my motion, and perhaps later to the OCL or other third party assessor, without them being made known to FS to protect my relationship with my daughters and my daughters from potential fallout from their mother.
I know that was long-winded,
Thank you,
Trix
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