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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 08-21-2012, 08:59 PM
Pharah Pharah is offline
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Unhappy Extra-curricular activities

I currently have shared custody with a 50/50 split on access. No child support. We are each responsible for paying for our own care extra. In our order, the judge put a section that my ex and I are to try to agree on extra-curricular activities. If we cannot agree, we are to go to a parenting co-ordinator.

Since the judgement, I have enrolled my son in swimming and ball hockey this summer but his mom has been unwilling to share the cost. More over, she does not take our son when he is in her care.

This past weekend was my son's ball hockey finals. Although my ex knew well in advance that he had hockey (schedule was posted in June), she schedule him for an out of town visit with her father for the week, even though he wanted play hockey. What do I do?

During our settlement, my ex argued that Jordan's activities need to be scheduled only on week days so that she can go out of town. The Judge had said that she would need to make exceptions but didn't provide for that in the order.

I have told her I am upset and that I want to go to the parenting co-ordinator and she is refusing to go saying it's not necessary. How is this normally handled? Is this something that can be ruled on? Will the court order her to take him or allow me to pick him up for this type of thing?

Turns out that my son team played, 1 game Friday morning (which he was actually there for in jeans and without breakfast) and forfeited the second for a lack of players, then on Sunday they won 2 games, winning the finals and my son missed out.
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Old 08-22-2012, 06:37 AM
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did she agree to this before you signed him up to the activities??
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Old 08-22-2012, 11:47 AM
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Ultimately it is her choice. You need to accept that - she has different view/priorities and it is not your place to force her to be different.

But you need to do what you feel is best and try to convince her to allow activities on her time. How old is your son?

Being very careful of alienation, you can tell him that it is her choice and that he needs to explain what he wants with her so they can make a decision together.

It's a tough thing that I experience to a small degree, but you have to accept that he is stuck with his parents as we all are.
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Old 08-22-2012, 12:11 PM
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Why are you scheduling activities during the time that your child spends with your ex?

From the sounds of the post, it seems like you might be about to go down the path of "well, you could go, but your other parent is stopping you". That is not a nice path to be taking.
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Old 08-22-2012, 12:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Janus View Post
Why are you scheduling activities during the time that your child spends with your ex?

...
From my experience, it is almost impossible not to.
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Old 08-22-2012, 12:20 PM
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Sure, but if you are going to have a hostile relationship with your ex, then you should be especially careful.
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Old 08-22-2012, 02:29 PM
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The activity was agreed upon in advance. This is apart of what was above. She agreed to it and still didn't go.

My son did tell her he wanted to go. She ignored him.

And honestly, I am not interested in having any relationship with my ex. What I want is what is best for my son and that means going to hockey.

Last edited by Pharah; 08-22-2012 at 02:32 PM.
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Old 08-22-2012, 02:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pharah View Post
The activity was agreed upon in advance. This is apart of what was above. She agreed to it and still didn't go.

My son did tell her he wanted to go. She ignored him.

And honestly, I am not interested in having any relationship with my ex. What I want is what is best for my son and that means going to hockey.
Yes, but you're half the parenting team, accepting that and all of its repercussions is best for you. Accept what you can't control (and possibly shouldn't try to) and all that.
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Old 08-22-2012, 02:43 PM
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It's pretty tough to sign your kid up for a program that runs once a week and not have any of it fall on the other parents' time if you're running a 50-50 schedule. Should the kid be denied the opportunity in this case? As well, it doesn't go very far in teaching kids about commitment if they sign up for an activity - especially a team sport - if they are only there half of the time.
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Old 08-22-2012, 04:41 PM
Pharah Pharah is offline
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Fact is my son asked me to talk to his Mom and I did, reminding her of the schedule and she didn't tell me he wouldn't be going until that Saturday.

I had a lady at hockey say that attending activities had been specified in their order but I don't understand how that would work. I thought maybe it was a settlement upon agreement and not an order. Is this something that can be ruled on in court?

I already have her on contempt if she refused to go to our parenting co-ordinator. She doesn't want to go cause we have to pay for it. I just want to know if I would just be spinning my wheels or not.

Anyway, it really sucks. The team got presented with trophies and all. It would have been his first trophy.

Last edited by Pharah; 08-22-2012 at 04:45 PM.
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