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  • Separate before or after job relocation

    Hi,

    I am new to this forum and quite frankly am releived such a forum exists.
    I am on the cusp of separating with my wife of 19 years. We have 2 children ages 14 and 12. Nearly two years ago, I was relocated to Ottawa by my employer....the whole family came with me. Things between my wife and I were bad before moving and have become much worse. My wife suffers from bulimia and refuses to go for help. I have had enough and will separate as it is affecting her psychologically, even though she refuses to admit it. In the midst of all this, I have also found a new job that would provide me relocation funds and would happen to put me back to where we came from 2 years ago.
    If I understand the custody terms properly, we will be in a split custody situation as my daughter (14) will not live with my wife and my son (12) will likely be in a shared custody environment.
    If I separate, my wife will also move back to our origianl city as all of her family are there.

    So....should I separate before accepting the new job, thus keeping the relo monies for my own purposes or make the move happen, then separate as we are getting set up in our new homes.

    Thanks,
    Tim

  • #2
    I would ask myself what are the child's views, in either case scenario leaving a place where the children have friends and established social life is likely to create upset in their lives. The children's view ought to be respected. They may also have preference where they want to live and with whom.

    I would refer to legal advice in coming to your decision. Those are the types of things that I would thing of.

    Best of luck.

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    • #3
      Thanks PhoenixRising....I fully understand the affect on the children. Unfortunately the job change is inevitable as I am a Nortel employee. It was extremely hard on the kids to move up here, let alone taking them back, but at least we will be going to the same neighbourhood that we left, which will help the transition. I also fully agree with letting the kids have a say in how they want things, hence my comment about my daughter coming with me.....she is very aware of the marital situation and has openly stated, no matter what, she will stay with me.

      Comment


      • #4
        Nortel! No need to explain that one, I heard plenty about Nortel in finance class.

        Like I said Legal Advice is the best option.

        However, consider this if you separate before relocating are you absolutely certain that your wife will move back to the previous location. Or out of spite do you think that she would remain where she is. If you relocate as a family and re-establish yourself in your previous location then the likelihood of remaining is more certain.

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        • #5
          I don't get it. I have seen many Dad's that are good Dad's and they should be allowed to see their children and be an integral part of the child's growing up. However in my case, my former spouse was abusive to me and to my child...and he admitted to the CAS in Ontario that he did what my son accused him of..Yes he is still allowed to see my son. Do you think this is correct? Un supervised no less? What do you think the chances are of him doing this again? Well he did this no less than 20 times in 2 years and no one will charge him. The CAS says he is fine. Does my son have to end up Dead for someone to take notice? That is how it works. I believe that I should be allowed to move away with out my son and not have to worry about the courts or my Ex husbands feelings. Some Dad's are bad and they should never be allowed to see their children unless the courts create a safetey net around these children. Always remember this situation has two sides, even mine does. J

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