Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 10-03-2008, 10:06 AM
greenwood greenwood is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 16
greenwood is on a distinguished road
Default what is most likely?

wife left for another man, lives with him, 3 kids at home with me (one independant) children won't see her, she flaunted her affair and he also was threatening...alot of sh*t...soon is settlement conference...she will not budge on one single item, continues to take from the home without notice or accounting...question...only 2 issues that make any difference...2 amounts for pension (hers, retirement age) and home appraisels are different...what is the judge going to suggest...we are 50k apart and I have moved 35k toward her # and she wants her # or "see you in court" she has not paid CS (and is very able to do so, espeacially now living with BF in his home...she has almost no bills what so ever)...we will bring up (motion ) for child support after an agreement...
I beleive, her dad beleives, friends beleive that she is being foolish, to not settle, to go from a 25year marriage and move in with this scum bag (he has dated other married women and she knows it...he is divorced because of his infidelity 10 years ago) now he is calling the shots ...my offer from day one (before legal costs )is more than what she will get now (not to mention her costs) but he told her not to take my offer.
because I have the kids will a judge lean some what to a higher percentage of items (she has 60% now but won't admit it and says she doesn't) and she has hidden two seperate bank accounts (15k between them)...the BF also took my boat from storage and has it at his house, police won't do anything.
  #2  
Old 10-03-2008, 10:44 AM
FL_Needs_To_Change's Avatar
FL_Needs_To_Change FL_Needs_To_Change is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Northern Ontario
Posts: 1,261
FL_Needs_To_Change has a spectacular aura aboutFL_Needs_To_Change has a spectacular aura about
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by greenwood View Post
wife left for another man, lives with him, 3 kids at home with me (one independant) children won't see her, she flaunted her affair and he also was threatening...alot of sh*t...soon is settlement conference...she will not budge on one single item, continues to take from the home without notice or accounting
Without a legal separation in place clearly stating which things are hers and which things are yours, then the assumption, even if you call the police to report a theft, is that all items until further notice remain the property of both parties. It happened to me, ex came when I was out, crawled in through a window and cleaned me out, left me with just the kids beds, and cloths, and my cloths. Police said they could not charge him since we did not have an agreement clarifying who owns what. So he basically took his own belongings.

Quote:
Originally Posted by greenwood View Post
...question...only 2 issues that make any difference...2 amounts for pension (hers, retirement age) and home appraisels are different...what is the judge going to suggest...we are 50k apart and I have moved 35k toward her # and she wants her # or "see you in court" she has not paid CS (and is very able to do so, espeacially now living with BF in his home...she has almost no bills what so ever)...we will bring up (motion ) for child support after an agreement...
I think if you clearly indicate that you had provided an initial report, then subsequently reduced that report to be 35K closer to hers in good faith, the judge may lean in your favour. Documentation is the key here for any court appearance as a judge has no first hand knowledge and it is basically a "he said she said" game. So in order to prove your point, mention this change, and document your claims.

Quote:
Originally Posted by greenwood View Post
because I have the kids will a judge lean some what to a higher percentage of items (she has 60% now but won't admit it and says she doesn't) and she has hidden two seperate bank accounts (15k between them)...the BF also took my boat from storage and has it at his house, police won't do anything.
Generally the courts tend to order the matrimonial home to the custodial parent to allow for some consistency in the lives of the children involved. With that comes the household basic items like the large appliances, children’s belongings and furnishings etc. The split for the value of the home and contents are on a dollar value for which one party buys out the equity to the other not in the home. I would think because she basically took things to the tune of 60% of the content that they would rule in your favour for asset splitting. Document all that she has taken, if you have receipts or account statements showing these items being bought, then the judge will minus all the costs from her share of the asset split. Thus she would ultimately receive less of a financial award in the end.

I do not understand why a police officer would not do anything about the boat unless it fall under the same rule I mentioned above, that she still has legal ownership as well. This is one of those items that you would have to show that she now has in her possession, and that she owes you half of the fair market value if she chooses to keep it..
  #3  
Old 10-03-2008, 10:59 AM
greenwood greenwood is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 16
greenwood is on a distinguished road
Default

if my appraisel is say 50k lower than hers (her appraisel not completed yet) will the judge not just use the median # of the two appraisels? (this is why I moved toward her position, I figured I wouldn't get my numbers and she wouldn't get hers, so I compromised and beyond) same thing with her pension...she let go her first lawyer becuase she felt he was compromising (with me) and wanted him to not budge...she owes me back CS and property tax (her portion) and other incidentals...she may very well walk away with nothing and still have costs...all becuase she (and he) wanted it all...I still question why or how a mother can leave her family, for another (affair partner) and be so angry , bitter, and spiteful...and to exspect everything (intitlement...narrcassism?)...she wants the kids to get over this, accept him and stay with her at his house...and for all of us to be happy for her (told the kids they were being selfish for shutting her out).
  #4  
Old 10-03-2008, 11:37 AM
FL_Needs_To_Change's Avatar
FL_Needs_To_Change FL_Needs_To_Change is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Northern Ontario
Posts: 1,261
FL_Needs_To_Change has a spectacular aura aboutFL_Needs_To_Change has a spectacular aura about
Default

It's obvious that she is NOT child centered, she is focused on her desires and wants.
Stay child focused and you will come out ahead, and not just financially.
Stay your course, a judge may well take the median on the asset splitting, make sure to provide as much documentation as possible and do not bash the ex's life style or position as that is not up for debate, and the judge will notice who is thinking of the kids and who is thinking of themselves.

Best of luck to you, try not to worry!
I know that can be exceptionally hard at times, but you owe it to the kids and you owe it to yourself.
  #5  
Old 10-03-2008, 06:44 PM
dadtotheend's Avatar
dadtotheend dadtotheend is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,644
dadtotheend will become famous soon enoughdadtotheend will become famous soon enough
Default

Get that child support rolling and soon.
  #6  
Old 10-06-2008, 06:33 PM
Maggie82's Avatar
Maggie82 Maggie82 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Toronto
Posts: 183
Maggie82 is on a distinguished road
Default

I know the last thought on your mind is child support, but try to get on top of that. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to get the arrears you are due. Think of your children first, and as FL said, the judge will see who is the one who has the children's interest at heart. (By the way, we also deal with a bio-mom who thinks of her needs/wants first, and then tries to play them off to benefit my stepson. Sadly enough, this works, and the courts are blind to it. Hence, she still has primary physical custody, despite the fact that we do more for the child than she does.) Good luck to you!
  #7  
Old 10-06-2008, 07:06 PM
greenwood greenwood is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 16
greenwood is on a distinguished road
Default

my lawyer has not really pushed the CS thing because (and I agree) that the way she is acting, without logic (even for her own sake) she will (and has been) get angrier when the reality of (her paying) child support sets in she will try even harder to get only her figures and have us both spend more money with lawyers (she can now handle legal costs because she has no kids and lives with him and has no exspenses)...our plan was to settle, sign, then within the week put our motion in for CS...perhaps even just ask for it (she would have offered it herself but her new BF has been thru this and will again advise her to try and fight it and get her to try and guilt me to not accept it as a man should not ask for it) ...I will ask you all again, for anyone that has been to a settlement hearing, is it more than likely the judge advise we go to median #'s concerning any differences of financial opinions such as home appraisels and pension values...this, she believes for some strange reason, will go in her favour...that's why she has not budged...my lawyer, his colleagues and other professionals all think that for two professionals atheir age and exsperience (her and her BF) are acting very irrationally and are digging their (her) own grave both in court and with our children...my kids have sworn never to meet him, never attend any wedding of theirs and not even ask her to their weddings (I know they are angry with her and have no respect for either one...but it's been nearly a year and they are getting more adement about the their feelings toward them both)...am I missing something, am I over confident that rational thinking (fair and compromised figures) will be advised espeacially considering that she has left the home, the kids, moved in with a BF within a month of announcing seperation, travelled for 8 weeks this year already with him (one planned the week of seperation) taken all household items with out notice , compromise or accounting, hidden 2 accounts (money) and not paid any support to date, and sees the kids about 2 hours a month (when she is not busy with shit head)
  #8  
Old 10-06-2008, 07:11 PM
dadtotheend's Avatar
dadtotheend dadtotheend is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,644
dadtotheend will become famous soon enoughdadtotheend will become famous soon enough
Default

You aren't that far apart on the appraisals, at a settlement conference the judge will try to mediate between you, pressure you, but not make an order on you. You are not far apart on property division, certainly not far enough apart to be worth litigating for very long.

If she has a half a brain or worse, a lawyer acting on her behalf, don't think for a second that you will be surprising her a week later with a CS motion, she knows what's around the corner. On the other hand, your lawyer might like the idea of stringing it out for a little while until another motion.

I would tell her or her lawyer that you are interested in settling all of this as quickly as possible and if you can't reach agreement you will be off to court tomorrow with an application for sole custody, child support, and property division.

And then do it.

Spousal support could be an issue, don't know enough from your facts to comment on that. But for you to be the primary caregiver for three kids and no CS has been paid? Some folks have word to describe that kind of parent.

Speaking of words, be careful, don't describe people as scum bags or shit heads, even if they are. That can come back to hurt you, not to mention that it reinforces stressful feelings. It's very hard I know, but it's the right thing to do to be and appear to be reasonable.

Good luck, get that CS going.

Last edited by dadtotheend; 10-06-2008 at 07:23 PM.
  #9  
Old 10-06-2008, 07:23 PM
greenwood greenwood is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 16
greenwood is on a distinguished road
Default

thanks, I know not to speak poorly of anyone to anyone, here I feel a safe outlet...
we make the same money/year so no spousal support will be involved...she knows the CS is comeing, but refuses to give any until forced...eg. she had taken a leaf blower that my mother owns (he did, she didn't even know what he was taking when she let him into our home) and still has not returned it 10 months later...he took my boat 4 months ago and has it at his home, she knows it's mine but will wait till I spend lawyers fees to retrieve it...she did all this why put me thru this ...I'd feel remorse and compassion if I had an affair, I'd leave her with everything if I met someone else and moved in with them (espeacially if they had lots of money all ready).

there is no question I have the children, there will not even be sleepovers with her...a phone call once in a while and perhaps dinner and shopping once in a while...kids choice and HER own court appointed parenting therapist/mediator advised us both of that scheduale (or lack there of) that was something she tried to sway the courts or me to let her take the kids 50/50 but the therapist did not agree with her choices and relationship decisions thru out this ordeal (she beleives she has done nothing wrong)
  #10  
Old 10-07-2008, 06:32 AM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Kitchener Ontario
Posts: 5,679
standing on the sidelines is on a distinguished road
Default

is there some type of ownership papers for a boat?? (not sure if it works like a car) If there is and your name is on it, have him charged with theft.

Get those kids into therapy. They have a lot of anger and hostility and that is not good for them.
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:50 AM.