Can a response to motion to change separation agreement be a sole custody claim when

[Mom 2 Two]

I would stop reading the emails from him. If there is something you need like permission for something, read it but the rest need to be ignored.

My partners ex used to send big long emails where she would wax on about the kids dreams and how they relate to my partner and other bs she would go on and on about. It really upset him because the passive aggressive tone was unnecessary. So he stopped reading through them and had me look to see if anything was necessary. She stopped that bs when she filed her papers but now she goes on and on in her court paperwork about unnecessary info. Again it is skipped over.

You will get adept at ignoring her. Just think of it as a buzzing mosquito you need to ignore. With everything to come if you let this get to you it will be difficult to endure the rest.

Ok. Thanks. When I ignore. I get 2nd request. 3rd request bullshit.
I told him to please contact me via phone or text. And they refuse. I hope that gets noted for him not cooperating. Emails get misinterpreted. Words twisted.

Thx.


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[Mom 2 Two]

Its very nerve racking, lots of sleepless nights, you wont loose them, at DRO my wifes ex got shot down and told to go the proper way, and file his on application, never did, but brought it up again at settlement conference, and at trial management conference and also the trial, always told to go the proper way.

At the DRO he was adimint to get sole custody because of neglect of the children and safety and if he didn't get sole things should stay the same and the kids time with him should be shorter (24 hours every other week from current 30 hours)
he did increase his CS from $300 to $900 month, and he still claimed that meds should come out of child support, and kept claiming he was not in arrears, and if he was he was bankrupt and could not pay it would be wiped out cause he was bankrupt. and never filed proper financial disclosure, and did not claim on his bankruptcy the house that has no mortgage.

Thanks for the insight. I hope this is what happens in my case. Thanks again.


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[rockscan]

What are they asking for in the emails?

You could simply say that you will not respond to any correspondence that contains irrelevant information or has a harassing tone. Add that if you feel a response is needed you will do so but follow up emails that have not been responded to will also be ignored.

Maybe she will get the hint!

[Mom 2 Two]

What are they asking for in the emails?

You could simply say that you will not respond to any correspondence that contains irrelevant information or has a harassing tone. Add that if you feel a response is needed you will do so but follow up emails that have not been responded to will also be ignored.

Maybe she will get the hint!

Oh it’s brutal... they asked for extra time. I said we were busy. Then the time I do offer or agree too I ask for dad to prove he is off work. They ignore my requests. But demand my answers to all.

They informed me they were extending his weekend for march break. And would return kids on the Wednesday. I simply replied I was sorry I had that time booked off work already. (And sent the proof)
And they could have wed -Friday. Well.... I got three more emails demanding they gave the 4 weeks notice and too bad for me. This is coming from a man who has never once in the past 4 years taken them for his half of march break. So sorry I didn’t ask you as I am the one responsible for the child care and he has always refused taking his half of the week.
They had something planned and wanted my kids to be a part of it. Well they wouldn’t tell what or when or where so I wasn’t even able to compromise when given no information. Turns out they took her kids to Niagara Falls. That’s great they wanted to take our boys but they should have asked before they booked if that time was ok? What is going on is... she has her kids for the first half of march break. So they didn’t want to have his kids when she doesn’t have hers. They do this all the time. I’m not sure why they want to keep secrets. The kids tell me when they come home. Plus the kids went and didn’t get to pack or take anything for the 2.5 he ride as they didn’t know they were fkinf there. It’s all just a game. So they picked up kids Wednesday night. Drive back to niagara. My kids were worried and wanted to call me. They refuse them to call me. It’s just ridiculous. Yet they say I am the one alienating the kids. Another one was asking to keep kids food Friday overnight till Saturday evening. I had asked my ex months ago to take kids that sat night as I had a family wedding kids were not invited to. I gave 4 months notice. I was told “that’s far a way. I will keep it in mind”. So when 3 months later they ask for the day I kindly remind them I asked and was told it’s to far away. I had a babysitter all lined up and the kids were excited as they love this sitter they don’t see her much. And Sunday morning was easter Sunday they wanted to sleep at home and were worried Easter bunny wouldn’t come if they were at dads. I had to respond to wedding invite and I was not going to beg my ex or keep reminding him. So too bad. I got like 4 demanding emails saying he has a right to know who our kids are left with. And he should have first right of refusal. Well he had it. (Not in our agreement) and in past he always says no. And has never once asked this information if me before. So these are just the silly time wasting emails they send me. I offered them other time on my weekends several times. But since he doesn’t have her kids they don’t want his kids. They just say they are busy but it’s really they don’t want to drive the 45 mins. Am I looking at this all wrong? Or does it make sense ? I get extreme anxiety when I see his name in my in box. It’s awful.


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[Dtothree]

Call him on his bluffs, ask him a month prior ( most work schedules will accommodate) ablige his requests a month prior, don’t worry about a day or weekend hear or their, make sure you have calendars, emails or texts, chances are he spends more time with the kids and you are reasonable, or he looks like and unreasonable person looking out for himself

[kate331]

Is this a new relationship for him? Sounds like they are trying to establish a new blended family life for themselves while also having time off parenting for themselves.

As for emails, I think the court likes them because it leaves a paper trail. Phone calls not so much.

I also think there is a HUGE adjustment period when one or both ex's get a significant partner. I know myself, I felt insecure and yes, jealous, but the kids like her so I am learning to accept it and time does seem to help. Now she doesn't have children (yet) so I have no experience with my kids getting along with other step siblings. Do your get along, or do they just want Dad all to themselves?

I have read a lot on this forum, and some of the senior members will say step parents or new partners should butt out. But others are actively involved in helping their partners. I am still navigating these waters.

[Mom 2 Two]

Is this a new relationship for him? Sounds like they are trying to establish a new blended family life for themselves while also having time off parenting for themselves.



As for emails, I think the court likes them because it leaves a paper trail. Phone calls not so much.



I also think there is a HUGE adjustment period when one or both ex's get a significant partner. I know myself, I felt insecure and yes, jealous, but the kids like her so I am learning to accept it and time does seem to help. Now she doesn't have children (yet) so I have no experience with my kids getting along with other step siblings. Do your get along, or do they just want Dad all to themselves?



I have read a lot on this forum, and some of the senior members will say step parents or new partners should butt out. But others are actively involved in helping their partners. I am still navigating these waters.

The partner is not really new. Just newly moved in. They have been together a year and a half. The kids liked her at first. Said she makes daddy be nicer to them. Great!! But for the last 5-6 months daddy has been missing their hockey (he went to every game the year prior) he spent time with just his kids at least one day on his time. Then September the news came from her kids that they were moving in together. No one sat my kids down and talked to them or explained anything. I get it. Process can be difficult. And I told them I would help where I could. As the kids were rather upset and worried. (I am sure this is normal). Where will they sleep. They had their own rooms at dads. They kept getting told they will sleep in be basement at new house. So then when they were picking homes. My children were not included at all. They were not told where the house was. What it looked like. Were not shown where they would sleep. They had chosen their house in late November. I was told moving date when I had my ex alone. And only because our son had a hockey tournament that weekend and my ex would not take him on his time. (He never takes him to hockey extra events with his team. That’s another story) so within a month of his move I requested his new address. My older son called his dad begging him to see the house. Begging to help pack. Anything to feel included. Dad just kept saying he was too busy. I was denied and ignored regarding the address until it finally came to his first access weekend after his move. I had to with hold the kids. He would not give me the address. My lawyer agreed safety issues. Finally after he put on a show in the driveway. He texted it to me. Then it was a fight for the city. He laughed and said google it. So this kind of stuff is hard.
Since the move the gf has taken over. She changed his payments he was paying. Literally feb 1st. She now disciplines the kids. And the kids did like her. Now they say they are afraid of her. :-(. My oldest gets yelled at and out in his (shared) room for hours. Even my younger son was upset his brother got in trouble for something he says he didn’t even do. So ya I knew it was going to be an adjustment living with gf and her three kids. And the kids do get a long. I am happy for that. But her kids seem to rub stuff in my kids face. Like Christmas my kids were not aloud to open any presents until her kids were there? So they had to wait till Boxing Day until her kids were home. Guess what. When they got there.... her kids had opened all their gifts. They were put away and my kids finally got theirs. These are the sorts of things my kids are really struggling with. I’m not sure how to explain sometimes things are different. And that those kids mom does things one way and their dad does it another way. It’s so hard for the kids to see


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[Mom 2 Two]

Call him on his bluffs, ask him a month prior ( most work schedules will accommodate) ablige his requests a month prior, don’t worry about a day or weekend hear or their, make sure you have calendars, emails or texts, chances are he spends more time with the kids and you are reasonable, or he looks like and unreasonable person looking out for himself

He won’t take time off to have the day with his kids from work. He had no problem taking it off to go away with her and her kids. The Friday he had them for march break he left them with her and he went to work.

Is it unreasonable to expect him to be off work if he asks for extra time?


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[rockscan]

Heres the deal...you have to let go of how he makes his decisions and why. You also need to remember what happens on his time is none of your business. If the kids are unhappy thats not your concern. And I also caution that kids are dramatic and colour things how they want. Especially if they feel your disdain for your ex.

As for the last minute changes and her schedule etc there is a way to address it but they have shown themselves to be unreasonable so take that for what it is. Heres what I suggest (and Im not a lawyer and others can chime in):

“Dear ex,

Thank you for your request however I think for the good of the children we need to work together on schedules and any additional time between you and them. We agreed to a set schedule and I work the children’s activities around that as best I can. I am open to adjusting where we can but I will not compromise their needs for anyone else. I expect that (gf name) has a similar agreement with a set schedule and am open to coordinating the children’s schedules in advance to allow for the four (five) kids to attend activities together however I will not make changes that we have not agreed to in advance to accommodate anyone but you or the boys. Perhaps you and (gf) could sit down with the two schedules and plan in advance for any adjustments in time for vacation coming up. Please provide me your suggested changes by May 30 so I may review the schedule here and see if they could be accommodated. If they cannot I expect that this decision will be respected just as I have respected your request for additional time. In addition, I expect that the changes in the schedule will be respected with no last minute changes or demands. I will not respond to any additional comments or negative statements about these decisions. Our children should be your priority just as they are mine.

I also expect the children to be returned promptly following the agreed upon time with no delays. Refusal to return them is withholding and I will request remedy in our current negotiations for these incidents. Sticking to a schedule is not alienation, it is respectful of each of our times with the children and I am sure you would feel the same way should I choose to conduct myself in this way.

We need to remember what is in the best interest of the children. It is unfair and unreasonable to make sudden changes to their schedule when they are expecting to be with either of us at a set time.

Thank you”

[Mom 2 Two]

Heres the deal...you have to let go of how he makes his decisions and why. You also need to remember what happens on his time is none of your business. If the kids are unhappy thats not your concern. And I also caution that kids are dramatic and colour things how they want. Especially if they feel your disdain for your ex.

As for the last minute changes and her schedule etc there is a way to address it but they have shown themselves to be unreasonable so take that for what it is. Heres what I suggest (and Im not a lawyer and others can chime in):

“Dear ex,

Thank you for your request however I think for the good of the children we need to work together on schedules and any additional time between you and them. We agreed to a set schedule and I work the children’s activities around that as best I can. I am open to adjusting where we can but I will not compromise their needs for anyone else. I expect that (gf name) has a similar agreement with a set schedule and am open to coordinating the children’s schedules in advance to allow for the four (five) kids to attend activities together however I will not make changes that we have not agreed to in advance to accommodate anyone but you or the boys. Perhaps you and (gf) could sit down with the two schedules and plan in advance for any adjustments in time for vacation coming up. Please provide me your suggested changes by May 30 so I may review the schedule here and see if they could be accommodated. If they cannot I expect that this decision will be respected just as I have respected your request for additional time. In addition, I expect that the changes in the schedule will be respected with no last minute changes or demands. I will not respond to any additional comments or negative statements about these decisions. Our children should be your priority just as they are mine.

I also expect the children to be returned promptly following the agreed upon time with no delays. Refusal to return them is withholding and I will request remedy in our current negotiations for these incidents. Sticking to a schedule is not alienation, it is respectful of each of our times with the children and I am sure you would feel the same way should I choose to conduct myself in this way.

We need to remember what is in the best interest of the children. It is unfair and unreasonable to make sudden changes to their schedule when they are expecting to be with either of us at a set time.

Thank you”

That’s a great response. Thank you. I have sent that back in similar terms but definitely not as nice. I need to work on that. I work very hard at not showing distain for dad or gf. Therapist helps me with that. I even try to prop up the other parent. Or try to explain why they are acting a certain way. The kids are in therapy and speak to a therapist about their worries an anxieties. When I have to respond with my affidavit I will use some of what your put in this. Any correspondence I do reiterate the children’s schedules and routine. They don’t seem to care or consider it at all. They were supposed to take older son to tutoring on March break. His night just happened to fall on that time. Every other week. And once they said they were taking the kids from wed-fri I reminded them of his tutoring appointment. And I got accused of planning things in his time again! I said I can not control where the calendar lands. And with only a few days notice I am not rescheduling. As I let them know he had the appointment a month prior. They missed it. After they said they would take him. So it’s Things like this. And he refuses to pay foe half of tutoring. And I had to pay for the missed class.
Anyways I appreciate your input. Thank you so much.


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[rockscan]

Like I said, unreasonable people will never change. Unfortunately the reasonable people have to be the ones to accommodate them.

Request our family wizard in your motion. Should help with the tone. Shes simply trying to change things to work with her schedule and at some point it will come out. Just do what you can to work with them through the process but get OFW and strong language on timelines in the agreement. Then you can say this isnt what we agreed to and leave it at that.

[Mom 2 Two]

Like I said, unreasonable people will never change. Unfortunately the reasonable people have to be the ones to accommodate them.

Request our family wizard in your motion. Should help with the tone. Shes simply trying to change things to work with her schedule and at some point it will come out. Just do what you can to work with them through the process but get OFW and strong language on timelines in the agreement. Then you can say this isnt what we agreed to and leave it at that.

Yes great perfect. I will add that at our DRO hearing. And hope that shows I am trying to work with them. I do have emails explaining lots of stuff and offering other times. They are use not interested. I sure hope that comes out somehow what she is trying to do. Thanks.


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[banico.inc]

Yes it is possible. I put in a form 15 motion to change because my ex wasn't paying the right amount of child support. He responded (form 15A) saying he wants custody and/or more access. what should have been open and shut over child support has been going back and forth for over a year because he keeps changing his story and putting in motions asking for different things. we go to trial at the end of the month. i am representing myself, and have for the whole process. if you have any questions or please ask me. this has been hell and so much work I would like to share my new legal knowledge to make it more worthwhile.

[kate331]

Welcome Blanico.inc! I want to represent myself, but so far I have chickened out and kept a lawyer. When you say its so much work, do you mean understanding the paperwork & rules/law or researching case law or both? Is your ex represented? Also I tend to get emotional especially under pressure and feel I would be in tears in front of a Judge. Any advice?

I hope your trial goes well, no way of any settlement before that?

[Mom 2 Two]

Yes it is possible. I put in a form 15 motion to change because my ex wasn't paying the right amount of child support. He responded (form 15A) saying he wants custody and/or more access. what should have been open and shut over child support has been going back and forth for over a year because he keeps changing his story and putting in motions asking for different things. we go to trial at the end of the month. i am representing myself, and have for the whole process. if you have any questions or please ask me. this has been hell and so much work I would like to share my new legal knowledge to make it more worthwhile.

Wow really? Did you have a court order already? We only have a filed separation agreement. No court order. I am asking for my agreement to be made into a court order.
My lawyer said he can’t respond with a sole custody claim. He would need to start a new application. She said she herself tried this before. And it got refused and she had to start the application.

Doesn’t it look suspicious to courts when this is a response to someone just asking for and order for support? He doesn’t want to pay. So he asks for custody when the last 4 years he has never bated and eye at it.



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