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Forget Mediation .... just hand out Ativan!

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  • #16
    Originally posted by Epona View Post
    "...every time I suggest an activity for our child that requires both of us taking him - I get "no, I'm sorry, I can't take him, it will interfere with ..."

    Can't one parent take the child to an activity without the other parent being there? Why do both parents have to take him to an activity? Even when parents are happily married both parents don't always end up going to all activities with child(ren).
    My ex can take the kids to any activities he likes without me. If he wants me help finance the activity (and vice-versa) then he needs my permission before signing them up. Our kids are 14 and 9 years old, but the agreement has been like that since 2002.
    Sorry, that was confusing how I wrote that ... I meant that if the activities was on days that we alternate week to week ie: we each have every other Saturday - then it would require that he take on his Saturday and I take on my Saturday ..... What I want to avoid - it signing up for something when I can only take him every other Saturday

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    • #17
      Originally posted by today View Post
      Would your ex allow you to bring your child to activites during his time if he is too busy himself. Simple enough if he allows you....
      Absolutely NOT! I have been told "it's my time and I will do as like". So, I have never asked again.

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      • #18
        rszalai - I have found links under family mediation in our area. The family mediators will sometimes do parenting coordination.

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        • #19
          It maybe his time but it is also your child's time. Like our judge put it, heaven forbid you have a Olympic gold medalist or Bach on your hands.

          These are the site where I have found parenting coordinators - under mediation and it's legally binding.

          ?????????????????????
          Mississauga & Georgetown; Counselling & Mediation; Peel Counselling & Consulting Services; Separation & Divorce
          Peel Family Mediation Services
          Ontario Family Mediation Home

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          • #20
            "What I want to avoid - it signing up for something when I can only take him every other Saturday"

            That's the situation our kids are in. I wanted to sign the children up for something they were interested in but he told me he'd do what he wants with them on his time. Signed them up for swimming lessons once on Saturdays and they missed half of them. I decided, "Not again". So the kids miss out. That is the parent acting on HIS best interests, not the childrens'. Unfortunate, but it happens. Course, in front of a Judge he says he'd take them, but the reality is different.

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            • #21
              I’m in the same boat. I didn't think there were any parents more stupid and eggocentric than my ex... well, surprise, there's a whole club, apparently!

              I have custody of our children, but he takes them every other weekend.

              Fortunately, music lessons were part of the divorce agreement since music was in my children’s lives prior to the divorce (it's our children's passion and my 7-year-old is no Bach, but he is preparing his Royal Conservatory exams). My ex has done everything to discourage me, and then our children, from continuing music, but our children insisted that I keep enrolling them. So I did.
              Since other activities (mostly swimming, our kids are not much into sports) were on and off depending on the season and my children’s interests at the time, I didn’t think of including them in the agreement, nor did my lawyer. The agreement says that the other parent must drive the children to activities they both have agreed on. It also says we’re supposed to share expenses (we don’t – I pay for everything). Well, the ex doesn’t agree on anything. Since the weekend was out of the question (he did not want to be “on the road” ALL weekend), I tried to find a compromise by registering our son to his swimming lessons on Fridays, after school (he wants to be a lifeguard when he's 16). This way, instead of picking them up at my apartment, he would pick them up at the pool. I never got any response back, so I assumed (big mistake) it was OK. Well, the night before the first class, I receive a hatred-filled email from his girlfriend (I receive lots of them – it’s ironic given that I was the one who got cheated on and whose account was emptied several times, and who therefore had to give up the house). She said I was not to impose activities on HER boyfriend, that it was their time together, that her own (grown-up) child needed to have supper at a certain time, and that going to my son’s swimming lesson would mean that they’d be late to go to Burger King (this last example is my son’s, he says that’s all they do).

              Several years ago we consulted for both my children who are very shy and used to suffer from anxiety. I’m an introvert myself (I look like one, but in fact I crave social contacts). My kids are very, very shy, and their doctors advised us to expose them to new people & situations by encouraging them to have activities. Well guess what. Dad doesn’t want to because it screws up his schedule. So our son misses half of the lessons. He's a good swimmer and he's probably going to get his level... but when it becomes harder (e.g. butterfly swimming), I'm not so sure he's going to be able to pass all his levels. And if he fails... he's going to be disappointed. I have to build his moral strength so that he doesn't give up swimming because of this.

              After his swimming lesson, last week, my son came back really proud of himself, and he said, puzzled, looking at the other kids, “I don’t get it. All the other kids… their father brings them to their sport activities… and mine won’t. I just don’t get it. You’d think he wants me to play soccer, to ski, to swim… but no. All we do, when we’re at his house, is play on the computer.”


              We want the best for our children, don't we? And it's normal. We get bombarded by various public health departments and agencies (rightly so) so that we get our children moving, playing, involved in sports. Well, it's not part of the ex's and his girlfriend's agenda, so forget it.

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              • #22
                JayJay: Your son needs to have a talk with his Dad. At 16, he should be able to decide what he wants to do with his time. If that means missing out on visitation with his father, then maybe you can suggest his Dad getting makeup time?

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                • #23
                  Hahaha, no, my son is 10. He wants to get work as a lifeguard once he is 16... so he`s doing all his Red Cross levels meanwhile... His dad has done a great job convincing him not to do any sports.
                  And I did offer makeup time for the 15 minutes lost during the Friday swimming lesson, but that ruins his dad`s schedule as well.

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                  • #24
                    Oh, sorry. Misread that bit.

                    Honestly, I would let him do it anyway. The court is not going to do anything about 15 minutes. Your ex needs to be flexible, specially with extra curricular activities. He would look like a fool bringing this to court.
                    Last edited by Pharah; 02-18-2011, 11:34 AM.

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                    • #25
                      ... Well since then, he's changed the time he picks up the kids. He used to pick them up at 5:30 pm (the swimming lesson ends at 5:45). But since lessons have started, he decided he would pick them up at 4 (which forces me to leave work early). Most of the time, he's not there before 4:15-4:30. Tonight, my son was so outraged to miss his swimming class that I actually overheard him curse his dad.
                      This tyranny cannot last until my kids are 18. They're going to be teenagers soon, they'll surely want to have extra activities, possibly during the weekend. They can't even participate in their music school's recital this year, because it's during their dad's weekend!!!
                      So... I'm going to pay a few bills... and call the lawyer again.

                      Comment

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