So I am the step mom two two young girls. The case between their parents is ugly. From Day one there have been problems in getting the children to behave respectfully and well. We have tried all my usual discipline and communication techniques. Some being recommended by an Adlerian child care specialist and most just my tried and true methods.
The problem is we are up against such inconsistency at their mothers house. She goes from extremes of over indulgence to over discipline and severe punishment. We have had to call CAS before for the physical discipline to stop. (We were never told the results of the case - it was simply closed). The children tell us if they do something wrong they either get locked in their room, their toys thrown out, or told she is going to do something but not letting them know what that something is. I guess this is better than getting flicked in the mouth or spanked. Not really!
The mom has now registered the kids in different schools (against their wishes and they are distraught about being separated - they are very close.) This may be one of the reasons for causing more anxiety.
Their is next to zero communication between parents and obviously she isn't going to voluntarily get on the same page as us regarding a standardized discipline between houses. Or read a book or take a parenting class.
The behavioral problems in the youngest are getting to be very worrisome.
The older one has had emotional issues that we have been able to navigate with through though the advise of a counsellor.
The mom called the counsellor and refuses to let the children see her. This means we can't take the younger one for these behavioural problems. Yes, we have in in our answer to the application (she is taking us to court for sole custody) that we seek an order for counselling to be provided to these children.
When asked - in a state of calm why the younger one is acting out she say's it's because I don't want to go home to mommies.
I don't know how to handle the out burst when they happen because NOTHING seems to work - she is very destructive and hits and says she doesn't care if she loses her rewards or has a toy confiscated because she doesn't care about anything. Of course our methods to her must seem pathetic compared to the fear she feels at her mothers.
The behaviours are disruptive and very concerning. I am having difficulty coping with this. I am a loving mom and have raised a well adjusted and behaved son. He is totally confused and upset why this behaviour is allowed in the house. It certainly isn't allowed ....But what can we do?
HELP!
The problem is we are up against such inconsistency at their mothers house. She goes from extremes of over indulgence to over discipline and severe punishment. We have had to call CAS before for the physical discipline to stop. (We were never told the results of the case - it was simply closed). The children tell us if they do something wrong they either get locked in their room, their toys thrown out, or told she is going to do something but not letting them know what that something is. I guess this is better than getting flicked in the mouth or spanked. Not really!
The mom has now registered the kids in different schools (against their wishes and they are distraught about being separated - they are very close.) This may be one of the reasons for causing more anxiety.
Their is next to zero communication between parents and obviously she isn't going to voluntarily get on the same page as us regarding a standardized discipline between houses. Or read a book or take a parenting class.
The behavioral problems in the youngest are getting to be very worrisome.
The older one has had emotional issues that we have been able to navigate with through though the advise of a counsellor.
The mom called the counsellor and refuses to let the children see her. This means we can't take the younger one for these behavioural problems. Yes, we have in in our answer to the application (she is taking us to court for sole custody) that we seek an order for counselling to be provided to these children.
When asked - in a state of calm why the younger one is acting out she say's it's because I don't want to go home to mommies.
I don't know how to handle the out burst when they happen because NOTHING seems to work - she is very destructive and hits and says she doesn't care if she loses her rewards or has a toy confiscated because she doesn't care about anything. Of course our methods to her must seem pathetic compared to the fear she feels at her mothers.
The behaviours are disruptive and very concerning. I am having difficulty coping with this. I am a loving mom and have raised a well adjusted and behaved son. He is totally confused and upset why this behaviour is allowed in the house. It certainly isn't allowed ....But what can we do?
HELP!
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