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Best schedule for 2 y.o. in different towns

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  • Best schedule for 2 y.o. in different towns

    Hey all, trying to get some information together to share with my ex with regards to the amount of time that is needed for a young child to be with each parent.

    Ex is planning to move (1.5 hours away) at the end of the month and informed me only a couple of weeks ago. We don't have a parenting plan yet, and all scheduling has been done on an ad hoc basis, which has varied greatly due to work and travel for both of us. Essentially I have had her most times that I am available and ex is home (she travels a lot for work and family). We plan to cohabitate, at least some and as long as we can get along, to make things easier.

    I also have my son (different mom) for ten days per month (based around every second weekend), so we will coordinate parenting times in my home with that schedule, but I am not sure how many nights she will agree to stay in my home (she will only travel twice per month). The rest of the time will be up to me to travel for parenting.

    So I guess my question is, what kind of schedule is appropriate for a two year old, with homes in two different towns? I know more frequent visits is more important at this age, but also we don't want to be traveling all the time either.

    I have proposed that I have 3 days every two weeks in my home, and two days every week in her home. So she would be traveling twice per month, and away for 6 days, while I would be travelling 4 times per month and away for 8 days. It essentially adds up to half time, 14/28 days, which I think is decent for a two year old. And it would provide at least a couple of days each week.

    Any thoughts?

  • #2
    Why have you not filed an urgent motion to stop the child from being moved?

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    • #3
      Urf... trying to keep relations good, and we are seeing a mediator next week. It's pretty fresh and a result of her getting a job in other town.

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      • #4
        You are making a huge mistake.

        Once you let her move, it can never be undone. You will have lost the kid. You need to see a lawyer and file an emergency motion immediately.

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        • #5
          Agreed. Such a huge mistake. Absolutely do not do it. Stop the move ASAP. She can move anywhere she wants, you have the right to prevent the child being moved. The kid can live with you full time and she can visit the child rather than moving the child.

          If you do nothing to stop it you WILL lose the child in the not so distant fùture and be back here trying to figure out how to undo it, at which point iy is near impossible.

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          • #6
            I have to agree , the long term effects will be not good

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            • #7
              Interesting recent decision (released a day ago) in Ontario which might be quite relevant to your situation:

              https://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/do...6onsc5621.html

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              • #8
                To answer your question:

                There is no way to share custody effectively between two cities. Normally, the person asking this question is the person who is moving, so the usual advice that we give here is "don't move, you can't have shared custody if you live in a different city".

                However, she is moving.

                The way family law works is that if you don't fight it then it is assumed that you agree. I'll say it again: If you do not file an emergency motion, then it means that you have agreed to have your child leave you and YOU CAN NEVER CHANGE YOUR MIND.

                In three years, your child starts school. At that point he cannot be with you during the week, so that is when you lose shared custody. You might think that you will have weekends and she will have weekdays, but that isn't fair to mom or child, and more importantly judges never allow it. You can't fight for custody at that point though, because you already gave it up today. And, in family law, once you give up custody, you can never change your mind.

                Good relations are worthless. You basically have the file the motion by the end of next week, and probably earlier. That is how much of a time crunch you are facing.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by arabian View Post
                  Interesting recent decision (released a day ago) in Ontario which might be quite relevant to your situation:

                  https://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/do...6onsc5621.html
                  Read that case.

                  Mom tried to unilaterally change the status quo by moving away, Dad filed to stop it.

                  Dad won.

                  Gooddad though doesn't plan on fighting the move, so he loses before he even starts.

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                  • #10
                    Good case.

                    "....Respondent shouldn’t be allowed to use various changes in her life to erode Christian’s important and beneficial relationship with the father."
                    Very good point made by the father.

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                    • #11
                      She has been unable to get a job locally for the past three years (trained as a nurse, small town), so I think she probably has a good case to be able to move, even if I do oppose it?

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                      • #12
                        In movement cases the judge can never question whether the mom will move or not based on the custody arrangement. The presumption is that she WILL move and what should the arrangement be.

                        When it gets to that point then the discussion will be where should the child live and what will visitation be.

                        Considering you're already an EOW dad (I am amazed you actually had kids with 2 different women, I wonder how stupid some people can be) just let her move but very likely you will just be a bank account for this kid.

                        The only deal you can perhaps make is that you pay no child support and instead you incur travel costs (especially since she is moving).

                        You can also offer to take sole custody but you will have to prove in no specific order:
                        1. you are the primary parent
                        2. the environment of your hometown is better than the new place (family, schools, kids etc....)
                        3. you and your home life is more stable
                        4. you are willing to facilitate lots of access (50% of summers etc....)

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                        • #13
                          Thanks for the replies. I assume the "stupid" comment was directed at me. FYI, they were both not planned, was unaware 1st mother was off birth control and yes using protection for the 2nd, so maybe you could ease up a bit.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by bcgooddad View Post
                            Thanks for the replies. I assume the "stupid" comment was directed at me. FYI, they were both not planned, was unaware 1st mother was off birth control and yes using protection for the 2nd, so maybe you could ease up a bit.
                            pay no mind to links.

                            surprises happen when having sex. The only reliable birth control is not having intercourse at all.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by bcgooddad View Post
                              She has been unable to get a job locally for the past three years (trained as a nurse, small town), so I think she probably has a good case to be able to move, even if I do oppose it?
                              She has the right to move anywhere she wants - but she doesn't have the right to move the child. I agree with the others, if she moves away with the child and you don't contest it, you have essentially acknowledged that she is the primary parent and you are the secondary one, which will come back to bite you. If I were you, I would scramble to put things in place so that the child can live with you full-time (with generous access by Mom), and let Mom know that this is what you're doing. Then go to the courthouse and seek a motion to keep the child in your area. The motion may or may not succeed, but just by filing it you are signalling that you do not consent to being a secondary parent.

                              You can be sympathetic to Mom's plight (not able to find a job in a small town), but that is her problem to deal with. Your concern is what is best for the child. If you think it is best for the child to maintain an equal relationship with both parents, you need to do what you can to prevent Mom from taking the child away.

                              Comment

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