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  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 06-24-2009, 01:50 AM
Wiser2008 Wiser2008 is offline
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Default Access issue++++

My ex cannot watch the kids after school due to work so he has his 70 year old mother pick the kids up and baby-sit them from 3pm till 7pm after school. His house was 1km from the school. So in Jan of 2005 I purchased a home next door to my ex so that I could be closer to my children and be there for them after school. In March we had our children interviewed by the OCL, the children stated in the OCL report that they loved the fact that I was next door as they had more access to their mother.We signed a new order in June of 2006 after living next door for 18 months we made a deal and we varied our old order.

2006 Order

I have 2 children Emily and Teven my ex and I have joint custody he has primary residence I pay him $300/month child support. Our current access order reads the following:

i) The applicant/Amy shall have overnight access to the children, Teven age 13 and Emily age 10 every other weekend and on the alternate week overnight access for two consecutive days,(Wed and Thur) which would depend on her schedule’

i) The applicant/Amy and the Respondent/John shall each approach the other party before a third party is utilized to baby-sit the children

ii) Neither party shall change their primary residence more than 5km away basically to stay within the school boundary.



In the fall of 2006 he got a new girlfriend and in March of 2007 he moved approx 14km away and out of the school boundary. I had paid him over $6000 in costs to get more access so I couldn't challenge him however, his mother lived a couple blocks away so I could see the kids after school as they would walk or ride their bike over, but I feared that she too would move out of town, my lawyer said that I didn't know that. Last summer he worked Tue to Sat so I proposed a new schedule that would of given both of us more actual time with the kids Mother,Wed,Thur,Fri shared Sat he can pick them up after work and he has kids Sun,Mon,Tue he said No the schedule works fine for him and his family. I have been working part-time now for 3 years and have the flexibility to make my own schedule so I only work nights when my ex has the kids and never work when I have the kids. (He doesn't believe me but I have my time card to prove it) I have the flexibility to maximize our time with the kids.

Then last Summer his father died and his mother moved out of town 15km away and in September on every Tue and every other Fri he would be scheduled to have the kids his mother would go to the school and pick the kids up and take them out of town. I had to watch as she would go into the school and take my children away. I have emailed him on many,many occasions telling him that I 'm available after school and want to parent the children and he has been using his mother and sister as baby-sitters but he states in his emails that its his time and his mother and sister are NOT baby-sitters they are him! But he is at work!

In Oct my son came to me and said if I want I can go live with dad and theres nothing you can do about it! I said yes you can if thats what you really want to do. 4 weeks later he said mom I'm coming to live with you and has been living with me since Nov. He makes arrangements on his own to visit his dad, he asks me if he can go I tell him whenever you want just make sure that you have him get you to your soccer or call me. In March I recieved a letter from my ex's lawyer saying that he now respects his sons wishes. even though my son doesn't live with his dad at all, my ex has been cashing the $300 cheques for the past 6 months, as I had to give him post dated cheques according to the order.

Now my son needs braces so I emailed the referral info about the appointment over 2 weeks in advance but he didn't show up. I told him what the orthodontist recomended for a treatment plan and made the decision to pay for it as I work in the emergency health care profession. He says I never contacted him about any appointment and why should I expect him to have to pay if he didn't sign him up. My ex has now changed his schedule again and now has Sat and Sun off just like his now common law partner, problem is he has been having his mother take my daughter out of town ever Mon ,Tue and ever other Fri my daughter is often late for soccer as I attend all her extra curricular activities and wait at the field for her to be brought by her grandmother. My daughter tells me she doesn't want to spend that much time with her grandmother but she tells me that her father says she should spend more time with her nana because her papa died and she's lonley! my ex always said he wanted a consitant schedule for the kids school I again offered to work on Sat and Sun and proposed that my daughter stay with me Monday to Friday giving the kids a consitant school schedule as I could get them there and pick them up and he would see them way more than now 8 full days when he's off to his current 4 full days when he's off. I stated to him that all the kids friends are here ect he says NO! Last summer I enrolled my daughter in a math tutoring class as she was failing it was a flexible drop in Mon and Wed for 20min with 15min of homework that had to get done well he took her out after 5 weeks and signed her up for horse camp on Mondays and said that thats the best he could come up with for him and his mother and sister as he had to work Mondays for the summer. I know that my son lives with me now but I fear that my daughter will be spending the summer with her grandmother in a senior retirement home for 80 hours a month when she could be with me close to her friends and with her brother. My ex tell me that by wanting Emily after school on his time I'm taking her away from her immediate family! I believe that her immediate family is her mother and brother not her grandmother and aunt and some cousins. I'm really frustrated because I believe that he is putting his girlfriend/comon law partner ahead of his kids because he clearly doesn't want the extra time with his kids but wants his mother to have the time!

One other note a co-worker had mentioned something about possible parental alienation?

Sorry for the long post but I would really like some legal interpretation on where I stand and some solid direction on how to proceed!
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Old 06-24-2009, 07:16 PM
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billm billm is offline
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If the kids are not with him on a regular basis and are instead with his family, and you want to be with them at that time, then you should have them at that time. PERIOD!

Access to extended family is important, and that can be done when with him, or sometimes when not, but if it is a regular thing, then you should definitly be able to be with them instead of his extended family.

I would think a judge would strongly agree.

I don't like that he broke the 5 km agreement, and then makes you the one to suffer from it either. You living next door is a little close for me to have my ex!, the next street would be a better balance for me and our kids all things considered.
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Old 06-25-2009, 09:12 AM
Wiser2008 Wiser2008 is offline
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Thanks for the reply,

I should also note that we lived side by side for 18 months no problems! Then we signed the do not move more than 5km away. We singed in June of 06 he met a girl in the fall of 06 she moved in with him in Christmas of 06,then he moved out of the school boundary in March of 07 breaking the order.

We had just settled in 06 and I could't afford to challenge him at that time plus his mother was living 3 blocks away and I still got to see my kids after schol as they would often come over. Now that there is a material change in circumstances with my son can I bring the move up?

I believe that the move was becasue his new girlfriend was uncomfortable or he never had any intention to honour that part of the agreement.. My children stated in the 2005 OCL report that they loved that I was next door as they had more access to their mother. I can agree with you that down the street may be better for most, that is why 5km.
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