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Old 01-13-2006, 01:13 PM
howdIgethere howdIgethere is offline
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 54
howdIgethere is on a distinguished road
Unhappy dunno' why..

I always feel like I have to appologize to eveybody I meet. I posted my "story"(or as much as I could write without going into a 14 page "saga") yesterday...and in it I "confessed" that after almost 18 years of living with a foul tempered controling (and even physically) abusive man I had a "dalliance" with the bottle........i still swear.... not a lot.... read my story if you need details. I have learned through counciling that women who lived as I did often seek "escape" through booze or perscription drugs..but the point is I feel pretty stupid today.
From the begining of this whole mess I have done my best to be takes two to tango even though It may only be one person stepping on the others feet all the time that makes you call a hault to the dance, problems surmount. Maybe if I had delt with "issues" that were there years ago instead of sticking my head in the sand (Martin....his temper... that physical abuse is not to be tolerated EVER..especially even if only OCCASIONALLY towards kids, facing the fact that one day I would have had enough and crossed the bridge THEN instead of dancing on the side) things wouldn't have become so tangled. But DONE is DONE.
I know that there is a higher power above and expressions such as "the truth shall out in the end" are what I cling to at times but it also seems to me that "nice guys (gals) finish last"...and beleive me at times I'm mighty discouraged...I know my ex is ill........but i still can't beleive how someone who cared enough once to marry me and have children and who could be so nice at times could be so full of hate at this point. How someone could lay their hand on a bible in a (criminal) court of law and proceed to "lie like a rug". (I still can't get my head wrapped around that one). When i first joined a few days ago I said that I had sent him an e-mail extending the "olive branch" to see (quote).."If we cannot get it together as husband and wife can we at least try to get it together as Mom and Dad" (unquote) on the basis that with all this jigging around (and there isn't much money to begin with) all will be lost to litigation in the end.
Forgive my throwing this out day I'm up and one day I'm down...really dark outside today.hmmmmmm..maybe a connection.
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