CAS investigation

[rockscan]

Foster kids have been placed in homes BY cas. Technically they are akin to a "ward of the court". Therefore as an officer of the court, the police have to enforce the courts action (visitation with parents). Plus its mandated as part of the parents responsibility to prove they are fit to parent. The court cant place the child for permanent placement with another family until it is proven that their biological parents are unfit. The visitation is part of it. Thats why the police get involved. When its an access issue between divorced people, it gets more complicated and police are more hands off because of domestic abuse rules.

My cop brother explained it to me once. Its all part of their rules and regulations too. Much like how they have to have a female cop with them to respond to certain types of disputes and what each gender can/cant say/do.

[concerneddad32]

My problem with the lack of police involvement, is that my kids could have been taken by my STBX, since she was not home not answer phones, basically MIA and that was ok because she is has primary residence. It matter nothing to them that it was my scheduled access and she was not following through with that. There is no one to make her accountable at this point for her actions! The only thing keeping me sane right now is the light at the end of it all where I hope that a judge rakes her ass over the coals and makes her accountable. False accusations no matter what they are, are harmful hurtful and unnecessary, just show's the accusers lack of knowledge and just who's interest they have in mind, certainly NOT the kids!!

[rockscan]

CAS investigation

Yep thats why its more the law, legislation and judges. Police can only enforce what theyre given and unless theres a specific clause that says they are to remove the kids, they cant. And really ask yourself, would you want your kids to go through the trauma of being forceable removed by police officers? Or to go through that with your ex screaming and yelling to? Because thats whats going to happen. They wont arrest your ex (more trauma) and they wont do anything they arent allowed to do especially when its still before the courts or someone has made claims. As upsetting as it is to you (and I know it is very upsetting), imagine what it would be like for your kids to go through serious police involvement.

You can do what you can by putting strong enough wording in your order to utilize the contempt element and hammer your ex that way. Log everything. Youre not alone. This happens to moms and dads all over. It sucks for sure but stay calm, log it all, and work with your lawyer to make sure there is strong enforcement language to protect you going forward. Your stbx is only hurting herself.

Plus, continue to remind your kids you love them and you are doing your best to be with them.

[keepcalmandcarryon]

Deep breath

Ok, you have had a bit of time. Take a deep breath.

I hate to say it but family law has little consequence for poor behaviour and many people behave quite poorly in this situation (way worse than your ex to this point but give her time and she might get there). There is a lot you can do to help your case, demanding consequences for your ex is not one of them. A judge is NOT going to rake her ass over coals for a single withheld access and a CAS call. You need to move past this thinking immediately.

Be reasonable and polite in your communications, look up BIFF.

Try to keep all communication in email.

Be on time for all your time with your kids unless there is a legitimate emergency and then communicate the issue with the stbx as soon as you can.

Many, many ex's withold children even if there is a court order, calling the police will not help you unless you really legitimately believe they have been abducted and even then I don't think you will get the help you seem to currently think you would get.

When your ex witholds, send them an email disagree with their unilateral and baseless decision to deny the children the time with their father and indicate a specific time you expect for makeup.

As far as CAS, they are not the boogeyman. They have a job and they generally try to do it. Many on the board here have been in the same situation, sitting a work and get a phone call "Hi, this is XXXXXX from the Children's Aid Society. I would like to talk to you about your children." Yes it is a shocking thing. Take another deep breath. They will want to talk to you and your children, be open and honest. Present yourself as a loving and caring parent and all will be fine. I have been through a couple of CAS (plus a false DV police call) investigations and they clearly can see through the BS the other side is spewing, I think they see this a lot. When you are speaking to them don't focus on mom who kept the children from you, focus on the children and you.

Overall, brace yourself for a lot of BS from the other side. Your ex is doing things she thinks will somehow give her an advantage in court, they most likely won't but they probably won't disadvantage her either unless it gets extreme. It can be long process and losing your shit is not helpful to your goals.

[FightingForFamily]

It depends on the worker. Our worker suspended my access and refused to tell me why, disclose what the concerns were, what the risks were, what the plan of care was going to be, or options for supervised visits. Some are just scum out to see the worst in any situation, and ruin your life just to assert their power.

I ended up going through 2-3 lawyers and undergoing a 2-3 month risk assessment with a forensic psychologist at my own cost to be able to present concrete evidence that I was not a risk to children or anyone else. Luckily it worked and I didn't need to take them to court.

[YoungDad23]

You need to move past this thinking immediately.

Be reasonable and polite in your communications, look up BIFF.

Try to keep all communication in email.

Be on time for all your time with your kids unless there is a legitimate emergency and then communicate the issue with the stbx as soon as you can.

When your ex witholds, send them an email disagree with their unilateral and baseless decision to deny the children the time with their father and indicate a specific time you expect for makeup.

As far as CAS, they are not the boogeyman. They have a job and they generally try to do it. Many on the board here have been in the same situation, sitting a work and get a phone call "Hi, this is XXXXXX from the Children's Aid Society. I would like to talk to you about your children." Yes it is a shocking thing. Take another deep breath. They will want to talk to you and your children, be open and honest. Present yourself as a loving and caring parent and all will be fine. I have been through a couple of CAS (plus a false DV police call) investigations and they clearly can see through the BS the other side is spewing, I think they see this a lot. When you are speaking to them don't focus on mom who kept the children from you, focus on the children and you.

Overall, brace yourself for a lot of BS from the other side. Your ex is doing things she thinks will somehow give her an advantage in court, they most likely won't but they probably won't disadvantage her either unless it gets extreme. It can be long process and losing your shit is not helpful to your goals.

Start taking a witness with you to all pick ups an drop offs of the children at your ex's home!

Once the CAS nonsense doesn't get her anywhere, she will very likely start calling the cops on YOU, claiming you've done something wrong (past or present). Having a witness with you should deter her from using this tactic or at least provide backup for what you say happened at the exchange.

Also, start audio recording all in person interactions with your ex. My parents and I have been doing this for over a year now.

It's not meant to catch her saying inappropriate things to use against her in court, we do it so that if SHE says that WE were aggressive or abusive, we have proof that's not what happened.

I use the voice recorder on my cellphone and just before I get there, I say what day, time and location I am at and then stick my phone in the center console of my car and leave the door open or pop it in my shirt pocket.

Sorry to say, but this is your new normal.

[concerneddad32]

it's taking everything in my being to keep calm but I have been! we will take it one step at a time for sure!
I just hope a judge sees what she is doing and it's def not in the best interest of the kids. My call to them last night, my 10 year old can't wait to come up! I have been honest with explaining things, she told him that I didn't show up last friday. He was shocked when I called and told him I had been there the following morning. She is blatenly trying to ruin my relationship with my children and that should hold something in family court, as this is not fair to those parent you want to be a part of their kids lives.

[keepcalmandcarryon]

It depends on the worker. Our worker suspended my access and refused to tell me why, disclose what the concerns were, what the risks were, what the plan of care was going to be, or options for supervised visits. Some are just scum out to see the worst in any situation, and ruin your life just to assert their power.

I ended up going through 2-3 lawyers and undergoing a 2-3 month risk assessment with a forensic psychologist at my own cost to be able to present concrete evidence that I was not a risk to children or anyone else. Luckily it worked and I didn't need to take them to court.

I don't doubt there are bad apples there, a certain percentage exist everywhere. Sounds like you did a good job fighting them. I am currently doing the same with OCL. From the onset the OCL SW said she believed the children should generally live with the mother, full custody to the mother bu the father should definitely get generous access.

[concerneddad32]

Thank you all for your advise, this is all so new it's good to have tips, I had trusted her previously but that is not out the window, I will start taking a witness with me, even if it's just my step daughter, and have been making sure its all int writing but will also start taping things to save my own backside

[FightingForFamily]

Yeah no trusting the ex, you need to look after yourself so you will be there for your children and not in jail.

Keep a daily journal of all parenting time, even if it's just a few sentences each day. I e-mailed myself a daily parenting report for years in case it was needed. E-mailing it to myself gives it a concrete timestamp and electronic proof that it wasn't tampered with.

Get a digital recorder and keep it with you for all exchanges if you don't have a witness. It may never be needed but it could save you from criminal charges in the future.

Once CAS is involved, it's war as far as I'm concerned. She has called the government to tell them that you are a safety risk to your children.

[rockscan]

Welcome to the one parent is brain washing the kids club. Stay calm because it gets worse before it gets better. Plus, staying calm and collected will help you deal with CAS. You can do this. Just remember the end goal--your kids. Your ex sounds like multitudes of others who play the game. It will hurt her eventually. And I can say this as a former alienated kid. My mom who alienated us had lost almost every single one of us at some point for some period because of her past actions and the continued behaviour. YOU WILL SURVIVE THIS. Be there for your kids in any way you can and dont let your ex see that shes getting to you. Expect that she will pull out everything she can.

[concerneddad32]

Thanks Rockscan, I am truly trying to do that. and the end of this and good over coming bad is what keeps me going. I also come from a split family, but I never knew of my parents battles (and they had many) where my STBX is keeping my 10 year old in complete knowledge of everything, including claims that she can't afford brand new furniture for her brand new house because Dad doesn't pay me enough! This woman is receiving 50% of my pay currently between child and spousal support, and this is what she tells my kids?!?! They come to my residence and we go fishing, hiking, play outside, cause it's free and that's what I can afford, all while at home they eat out, go to every movie opening possible, hit up every venue for "fun stuff" but my 10 year old now sees it as my fault! It is a daily struggle sometimes!
But I know I am creating memories and eventually in time my kids will understand that!

[rockscan]

You are a good parent and are doing the right thing for your kids. They WILL remember that. They WILL remember the good memories you make with them. My father was never father of the year and he did a lot of bad things but 25 years later I do remember going out on the boat just the two of us at the cottage, or when he bought me a bike, or when he took care of a hurting foot, or when he taught me to hit a baseball (girls can do anything!) etc. Sure he took off and didnt pay support and left us with a mentally ill person and sure hes still not perfect but I dont think about those things now because its not worth wasting my time. I watch my partner battle it now. I can pretty much tell him exactly what his ex is saying to his kids based on the convos he has with them (when he has them, he hasnt spoken to one since Oct and the other one only bitches about how hes a jerk when they do speak). Its very sad and very unfortunate but as I said to LF32 in his forum--getting angry is a waste of the energy you could be spending on your kids. Everytime she does something, smile and think of how great that next convo/visit with your kid will be. When she pulls her crap, smile and think of how awesome it is to be their dad. Then when you do see your kids, you let them know just how much you love them and how awesome it is to have them as your kids. Thats whats important and THAT is what will get you through.

[concerneddad32]

Thanks again for the positive support!

[LovingFather32]

CAS will become your best ally. As long as your honest and can back up your side with nothing but sheer fact you're good as gold.

CAS see this every day. Good hygiene, be tidy/organized and be yourself.

In my case the CAS saw the truth very quickly and ripped out an amazing report. Page by page they pointed out ex's inconsistencies. They put OCL in her place also. They even noted that my ex withheld access even after they sent a letter saying "no concerns".

My motion judge basically wrote that CAS has more pull and better investigative techniques than OCL or any other establishment for child protection concerns. (Despite my OCL letting my lawyer know that they are held to higher standards than CAS ... yea right).

My point is .. this could be a gift for you. False claims to the CAS are common. CAS hates their time being wasted and that will be illustrated in their report. Once you have a 50 page report in your favor, you have that amazing material for the remainder of your case. Use it.