Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Your BEST tip for dealing with high conflict ex or coparent

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #16
    Lots of us have much to offer each other
    Maybe after cruising this forum for 10 years credibility is earned
    I plan to be very long gone
    My thread seems to be irresistible
    Is there a tip for the Top 10 as in the thread title?
    This is a Parenting Issues topic for parents that have issues to ask for assistance from other parents.
    Parents.
    Thank you.
    Last edited by Abba435; 05-12-2020, 05:48 PM.

    Comment


    • #17
      Originally posted by Mom2414 View Post
      Three contempt motions won and not financially driven. Custody Schedules, health, education, name changes and religion are real family court matters.


      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
      Awesome!!!!
      No details needed

      Comment


      • #18
        Have there been decisions ordering appointment of a Parenting Coordinator with binding authority?
        No. Judges cannot delegate their authority to a third party without the consent of the persons signing the agreement. There is no statute in Ontario that permits this and the common law forbids it.

        Where Judges have tried this, it has been found to be a reversible error.

        Comment


        • #19
          Originally posted by Kinso View Post
          No. Judges cannot delegate their authority to a third party without the consent of the persons signing the agreement. There is no statute in Ontario that permits this and the common law forbids it.

          Where Judges have tried this, it has been found to be a reversible error.
          There have been decisions that have then been turned into consent orders?
          I recently heard a trial judge respond to a lawyer who questioned this when I raised it in testimony that he believed he could make such an order. Interesting. Thank you Kinso.

          Comment


          • #20
            Originally posted by Kinso View Post
            No. Judges cannot delegate their authority to a third party without the consent of the persons signing the agreement. There is no statute in Ontario that permits this and the common law forbids it.

            Where Judges have tried this, it has been found to be a reversible error.
            Can judges order high conflict parents to participate in co-parenting counseling, where the parents hopefully learn to get along and respect one another? I fully understand that the unreasonable parent can just sit there cross-armed and cross eyed, but it can also be seen as the judge sending a message to smarten up with the petty crap.

            Comment


            • #21
              Originally posted by Mom2414 View Post
              If all the above is documented in your decree and the HCEX is in violation, and has declined mediation, I would be filing contempt and representing myself. If the facts show a clear violation of the court order, be patient/calm and work with the court system.

              I have treated every violation with a system approach and have removed emotion from my dealings with my HCEX. If he violates and doesn’t seek to correct I follow the same steps every time without fault and the key to all this is following the steps below -

              1. I communicate the violation and provide reference to section of decree violated
              2. I Don’t take feedback or strikes back personally, I respect the PAUSE and answer with full control when I am ready
              3. I Ask how I can help correct violation and offer mediation (obtain acknowledgement of the court order and the section in violation)
              4. If above is complete and have not received resolution, I file contempt without delay (and I always represent myself)

              The key to all this is saving/budgeting for mediation and court even in good times. I’ve had peace for 3 years but still put $250 away every month just in case and trust me $250 is almost 10% of my salary so it’s meaningful to me.

              I will never be held ransom by my HCEX bc I can’t afford to fight for what I think is right for my children.





              Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
              I really hope your $250 a month adds up to a great vacation for you one day and not to enforce what sane people would just honour. Thank you for your information. Sadly I have done all of this and was sued for sole custody because the constant breaches caused communication breakdown. That was like someone stealing your car and suing you for wrecking it. No decision yet after the trial, yes a trial! I self repped. I won't be sharing the outcome as the armchair lawyers really don't need to know.
              Your posts are very informative. Thanks again.

              Comment


              • #22
                Originally posted by Mom2414 View Post
                Three contempt motions won and not financially driven. Custody Schedules, health, education, name changes and religion are real family court matters.


                Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                From the ottawadivorce.com info pages

                ""My former spouse has denied me access visits with my children several times, contrary to our court order. What can I do?"
                A family lawyer can apply to the court to have your spouse found in contempt of court. If your spouse continues to deny you access to your children, then your spouse may be
                fined or in extreme circumstances, jailed. A court may even allow you to have custody of your children if the denial of access is persistent. In these types of cases, it
                is important to document everything as it happens."

                Comment


                • #23
                  I can throw in my 2 cents as I have went through dealing with a HC parent over a 8 year period and in the past year the dust has somewhat settled.

                  My top 4.
                  1. Document document document - every exchange that could potentially become heated. Record this behavior that is ultimately bad for your child. This helps establish a pattern.

                  2. Best quote I have a used and stuck by "Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake" from Napoleon Bonaparte. Once you understand this and tie it with point #1 you are ready for step #3.

                  3. Get a case management judge assigned to you. Typically you will get a new judge each time you go to court and for anyone dealing with a HC person, they are excellent at feigning being the victim and given 2nd chances. Key here is that when you have to go back to the same judge for the 3rd-4th time, they will see what's really going on. By providing evidence to the established pattern of behavior, the judge can truly see who is the conflict parent here.

                  4. Hire a good lawyer - no advice here except you have to do your own due diligence and gut check that you are both on the same page when it comes to the outcome you are looking for.

                  Outcome, my ex has done lots over the years, withhold access, doesn't take child to school, doesn't exercise access, refuse child support, accused me of molesting my own child, called my work etc.

                  In the end, none of these were really financial but our case management judge finally came down on her and threatened to take away access, disallowed her from filing motions, and made her do a psychological evaluation.

                  So yes, there is resolution for your child to grow up in a healthy way but you can do what you can do and it will be a long road.

                  How is my relationship with the HC parent now? It's alot better because she realizes there are repercussions....and real consequences.
                  Last edited by FirstTimer; 05-26-2020, 04:14 PM.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    First Timer - loved the last part that they realize there are consequences, my ex is very HC and I am earning for the day justice is served even modestly,

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Yeah, now that you mention it.

                      I would say #5 is Patience..patience and self control. You have to remember that you need to be as civil as possible in your responses to your ex but document everything. If you fight back, that will also be recorded and thrown back at your lawyer's ex in court as BOTH being high conflict. As much as you deep down want to correct the wrong in the moment for your child, this is not bout you seeing what's happening it is for you to show the judge what is happening.

                      In regards to the patience part, when I had been reported by my ex to the child police protection unit, I went to the police station and give any testimony they might need from me to clear myself as we had a scheduled court appearance for child custody in the coming weeks. The detective was actually pretty frustrated I came down to interview because I was wasting his time. I guess because when it was reported, they do a preliminary assessment and knew it was bullshit so hence they didn't even call me in.

                      He actually sat down with me took me aside and said, I know you are in a child custody battle and we see stuff like this play out and know what is going on when things like this come to us. However, you have to find ways to deal with this because this isn't going to be done in a year, it will be a long time but if you keep a level head and continue what you are doing, the court system will work itself out for you for you and the best interests of your child. You have to be patient.

                      And my situation PALES in comparison to what he has to deal with and the devastation and toll it takes on those kids let alone the family and resources that work their way through the legal system to bring justice to those innocent children. It takes years and then there is recovery. Those points I mentioned are so minor when you look at it from that perspective.

                      But circling back, when we had our court day, it was pretty rewarding to see my ex completely shell shocked when the judge told her she is on verge of losing access and that she needs anger management..and judge made it clear BECAUSE of HER actions (aka you need to document).



                      Originally posted by Victorviola View Post
                      First Timer - loved the last part that they realize there are consequences, my ex is very HC and I am earning for the day justice is served even modestly,

                      Comment

                      Our Divorce Forums
                      Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                      Working...
                      X