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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 03-14-2010, 07:23 PM
Boxer Boxer is offline
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Hi, I am new here and new to all this divorce/separation stuff.

Last Nov. my husband of 20 years said I treated him like crap and has essentially ended the marriage.

I have tried talking to him, to no avail.

He has stopped paying any bills and has dumped everything on me to pay, i am struggling to make ends meet.

We are still in the same house together, which is incredibly stressful, but I can't afford to leave and have nowhere to go with a 17 y/o daughter and 100lb dog. (the dog is hers).

I do work full time and do freelance work in my off hours to make extra $$$, he does not work. (long story) He sits in the house all day running up the bills and making a mess that I have to clean up cause he says he "doesn't work for me anymore".

We had an internet biz together, he changed all the passwords and then deleted the websites... saying the biz was his.

He changed all my email passwords. He blocked my computer from the wireless network, so I couldn't go online, he has told me he is selling my car (and I am so useless that I can't even get my own) the car is in his name.

I saw a lawyer who told me everything but the marital home is his...because he bought everything with $$$ he got from an insurance settlement. I am entitled to nothing.

We have a cottage together...My name is on the deed, as is his. I get none of it. This week he brought all of my things from the cottage, home. Apparently, I only own toiletries and small appliances.

I am rambling. The long and the short of it is... I have no idea what to do.
I know I need to hire a lawyer, but i don't have the $2000 retainer (or anyone to borrow from) and I can't justify the cost if I don't come out with anything. I am so very confused.

I have no family to help me and I am feeling very alone and scared.

What really bothers me is after 20 years of marriage, it all comes down to money...it's very pathetic....

Any advise would be most appreciated
Thank you
Boxer.
  #2  
Old 03-14-2010, 07:53 PM
logicalvelocity logicalvelocity is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Boxer View Post
Hi, I am new here and new to all this divorce/separation stuff.

Last Nov. my husband of 20 years said I treated him like crap and has essentially ended the marriage.

I have tried talking to him, to no avail.

He has stopped paying any bills and has dumped everything on me to pay, i am struggling to make ends meet.

We are still in the same house together, which is incredibly stressful, but I can't afford to leave and have nowhere to go with a 17 y/o daughter and 100lb dog. (the dog is hers).

I do work full time and do freelance work in my off hours to make extra $$$, he does not work. (long story) He sits in the house all day running up the bills and making a mess that I have to clean up cause he says he "doesn't work for me anymore".

We had an internet biz together, he changed all the passwords and then deleted the websites... saying the biz was his.

He changed all my email passwords. He blocked my computer from the wireless network, so I couldn't go online, he has told me he is selling my car (and I am so useless that I can't even get my own) the car is in his name.

I saw a lawyer who told me everything but the marital home is his...because he bought everything with $$$ he got from an insurance settlement. I am entitled to nothing.

We have a cottage together...My name is on the deed, as is his. I get none of it. This week he brought all of my things from the cottage, home. Apparently, I only own toiletries and small appliances.

I am rambling. The long and the short of it is... I have no idea what to do.
I know I need to hire a lawyer, but i don't have the $2000 retainer (or anyone to borrow from) and I can't justify the cost if I don't come out with anything. I am so very confused.

I have no family to help me and I am feeling very alone and scared.

What really bothers me is after 20 years of marriage, it all comes down to money...it's very pathetic....

Any advise would be most appreciated
Thank you
Boxer.
Go see legal aid - They will give you a list of lawyers. Since your effectively co-owner of the cottage - Have them put a lien on the cottage or matrimonial home.

Good luck and welcome to the forum.

lv
  #3  
Old 03-14-2010, 08:14 PM
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blinkandimgone blinkandimgone is offline
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If he's dumped all the bills on you - assuming you mean phone, internet, cable, etc included, then in order for you to be forced to pay them or assume responsibilty for them he would have had to call and ask them to change it to your name, you would have had to call them to confirm and make you the paying customer. As the paying customer, YOU are in charge of all the amenities and he cannot block you from anything, quite the opposite. If you are having trouble making ends meet then you are well within your rights to cut down on non-necessities like cable tv.

If he just handed you the bills and said they were your to cover then you are not obligated. Call and get your own phone/internet setup since you are paying for it anyways and stop paying for his.

He should not have access to your email passwords to begin with, which he would have needed in order to change them without your knowledge.

Aside from that, if possible, make copies of all the documents you have access to. House and cottage mortgages, income tax returns for both of you, everything you can because it's possible they will disappear and you will have to rely on him to provide them which can take forever.

As LV said, go to legal aid ASAP and get help. Take all the measure you need to, to protect yourself and your daughter's wellbeing, do NOT move out of the house unless there is some kind of physical danger for you to stay. Document everything and keep a copy of it all where he cannot find it, at work or with a friend if possible, a safety deposit box even.

Make sure you keep your friends in the loop and have somewhere to go if things do escalate.
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Old 03-14-2010, 08:19 PM
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When did he get the insurance settlement?

It would seem that since you were married 20 years, that there is no way that he could have purchased everything.....

It appears you have been given some poor legal advice.... Unless you owned nothing before, and have contributed/purchased nothing since he received the settlement???
  #5  
Old 03-14-2010, 08:35 PM
Boxer Boxer is offline
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I have no cable TV, or any extras... I am a very frugal person...I have paid all the utilities cause he said they will all just get cut off...he won't pay...


If he just handed you the bills and said they were your to cover then you are not obligated. Call and get your own phone/internet setup since you are paying for it anyways and stop paying for his.


He should not have access to your email passwords to begin with, which he would have needed in order to change them without your knowledge.

He didn't have my passwords, but he was the site admin...so he could override all the settings.


Aside from that, if possible, make copies of all the documents you have access to. House and cottage mortgages, income tax returns for both of you, everything you can because it's possible they will disappear and you will have to rely on him to provide them which can take forever.

I have done this...

As LV said, go to legal aid ASAP and get help. Take all the measure you need to, to protect yourself and your daughter's wellbeing, do NOT move out of the house unless there is some kind of physical danger for you to stay. Document everything and keep a copy of it all where he cannot find it, at work or with a friend if possible, a safety deposit box even.

Ok

Make sure you keep your friends in the loop and have somewhere to go if things do escalate.[/quote]
  #6  
Old 03-14-2010, 08:39 PM
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representingself...he got the settlement two years ago. He bought all new furniture for the house & cottage...lots of new toys...boats, snowmobiles, cars, hot tub, cottage the list goes on...This lawyer says the toys are worthless..because of depreciation and i am not entitled to anything he bought with the $$$...I thought this lawyer was full of it...
  #7  
Old 03-14-2010, 08:39 PM
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Ok....so there is no benefit to you in paying the utilities in his name. If he wishes you to pay them he must call the company and have them change the name of the account holder to you, then you confirm. This will be useful when it comes time for financial disclosure otherwise he has a pile of bills in his name that say paid - even if you were the one paying.

If he won't do this then call the utility companies and explain to them the situation that you want them to be switched to your name and see what they say. If it comes down to it...let them get shut off I guess and reopen them in your name? Not sure what you'd do in that case.

It sounds like a very tense home situation for you
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Old 03-14-2010, 08:41 PM
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Oh, another suggestion in the meantime which was given to me by my doctor...

Many lawyers offer free consultations of half an hour to an hour, go and see a couple different ones to get some different opinions. Make sure you have your ducks in a row before you go ie: financials and lists of questions to be answered etc to maximize your time.
  #9  
Old 03-14-2010, 08:43 PM
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I never thought of that...ok...i will change it all over tomorrow...thank you.

It is very tense. I stay up in my bedroom when I am home and he gets the run of the house...that I am paying for...go figure...
  #10  
Old 03-14-2010, 08:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Boxer View Post
representingself...he got the settlement two years ago. He bought all new furniture for the house & cottage...lots of new toys...boats, snowmobiles, cars, hot tub, cottage the list goes on...This lawyer says the toys are worthless..because of depreciation and i am not entitled to anything he bought with the $$$...I thought this lawyer was full of it...
Unfortunately the Lawyer was not totally full of it. The law states that you are not entitled to any of the proceeds of any type of insurance settlement.

However, that does not mean that you aren't entitled to 50% of the net value of any assets accumulated during the marriage.... including equity in the home/cottage, CPP, Pension, Savings, RRSP's etc.

Is he no longer working because of an injury?

You are definitely in a very difficult situation, and consulting with a Lawyer is very important.

I wish I could offer something better than that.
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