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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #21  
Old 11-12-2013, 03:11 PM
DowntroddenDad DowntroddenDad is offline
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Originally Posted by Weary View Post
Ahh i understand now, thank you for clarifying. I dont have a diary but i do have many emails and texts of him asking me to pick up the children, did i feed the children, can i feed the children, did i take them to *insert event here on his day*, can i pick them up from school etc etc. Its emails and texts where he is making the request and/or i am acknowledging that i have followed through on something. I am under the impression that this counts. What i can do, which you just gave me the idea for is to take all lof them and submit a calender or spread sheet with all the requests with the email supporting it attached. That alone would be a large document but i can do it. Even so, i am really only interested in showing that i have been the *only* caretaker and all of the doctors, dentists etc have all written notes supporting that from their clinical notes. They dont even know what he looks like.
As for the exchanges, we agreed to exchange the chidlren at a local coffee shop after the first time he called the police. And yes, they came to my house and because i had left his premises with the children *I* got into trouble for "leaving the scene". But they came already with the position that i was creating trouble for him and treated me initially in a disrespectful manner. Once they saw that i was not in fact a screeming banshee as he claims and polite, calm and articulate their attitude to me shifted. Since then hes called for anytime i have emailed him according to our parenting agreement and my lawyer has told me to back down on all accounts each time and comply. This weekend wiht my partner it came to a head because he told him that he wont communicate with my ex any longer becuase he is incredibly rude to him. But im at a loss, i know his lawyer will reject all communication.

Im rambling. Im sorry.
There are some things that collectively this group has learned about dealing with a high conflict ex.

One is to limit communication to emails.
Two is to only have the two parents communicate.

You doing all the doctors appointments etc., thats not a reason to give you sole custody.
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  #22  
Old 11-12-2013, 04:11 PM
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Many on here won't like what I'm going to say but I'll say it anyway.

Your ex sounds like an ahole. I'd get a real lawyer and put the boots to him. If you are entitled to SS go after it. If he wants to dance, then dance.

A wimpy lawyer with poor courtroom presence will do you no good. From what you have said, you will probably have years ahead of crap with your ex. I think it's time to get a decent lawyer, get SS to pay for it, and take control of your life.

Just my personal opinion.
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  #23  
Old 11-12-2013, 04:22 PM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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If you ex is a narcissist, I can tell you that complying with his nonsense won't help you. In fact, he'll get worse. Anytime you reinforce a narcissistic personality's illusion of superiority they will escalate the behavior. And it doesn't matter what you do, he'll react with anger anyway.

Believe me, I know what I'm talking about.

My advice, call his bluff. Your kids are 12 and 14 and he can only call the police so many times over nothing before he starts losing credibility. Follow only the rules that you have to follow as part of your court order or any other police instructions. Anything else, ignore him and do what makes sense for you and your kids.

Again, your kids are going to weight heavily in this process due to their ages. They're old enough to have credible opinions on what's going on and where they want to spend their time.

What was the subject of the CAS call?
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  #24  
Old 11-12-2013, 04:50 PM
Weary Weary is offline
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I did reply to some posts but they appear to have disappeared. Likely user error. Someone asked that I define "neglect". What i mean by that is that my children dont actually have food at home at times. My daughter one time had to scrape the mold off some bread to make a sandwich for herself for lunch. She often goes to school without having eaten. She is quite small and has asked him to relocate the cereal box for example and he refuses according to her because he doesnt want to reorganize the cabinets. He tells her to get a chair but even so she cant reach. She isnt afforded any privacy. She isnt allowed into her room alone and has gone through her diary and confronted her on her entries. Her counsellor told her at one point to write a letter to him as a therapeutic process. She told me she did that in her diary and he found it and confronted her. Told her she was a liar and that she was exaggerating. She was in tears to me about it later. She is responsible for her medication and if she forgets it he gets angry with her. She has asthma. If she has an attack he tells her she is faking and that she is trying to avoid getting punished. He spends most of the time in the bedroom wtih his girlfriend only coming out to get food for himself and for her and if the children say they are hungry he tells them thats their problem. Someone else felt that gaming for 16 hrs a day wasnt an issue but frankly when your child does it from 8-16 hrs a day for 3 days straight every week because there isnt anything else for him to do, i consider that a problem and unacceptable. He tells the children that i am a "controlling psychotic bitch" and that the police and CAS all want to protect him from how horrible i am. My daughter agonizes that one day he will convince the police to take me to jail. She has a viral infection that has recurred now twice this year, which requires pain management. He tells her that it isnt "bad enough" and blames her pain on any infraction that she is committing. He tells her that she is just like her mother and he doesnt like the person she is becoming. He says he needs to "correct" her so that she doesnt turn out to be as horrible as me. I could go on, but i think this should give you an idea.
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  #25  
Old 11-12-2013, 04:57 PM
Weary Weary is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
If you ex is a narcissist, I can tell you that complying with his nonsense won't help you. In fact, he'll get worse. Anytime you reinforce a narcissistic personality's illusion of superiority they will escalate the behavior. And it doesn't matter what you do, he'll react with anger anyway.

Believe me, I know what I'm talking about.

My advice, call his bluff. Your kids are 12 and 14 and he can only call the police so many times over nothing before he starts losing credibility. Follow only the rules that you have to follow as part of your court order or any other police instructions. Anything else, ignore him and do what makes sense for you and your kids.

Again, your kids are going to weight heavily in this process due to their ages. They're old enough to have credible opinions on what's going on and where they want to spend their time.

What was the subject of the CAS call?
Ive been very mixed on my emotions with the police. Both times that the police were called (once in july during a regular exchange, and the other time in response to my emailing him) the children were present. This upset the children and CAS was notified because they were present while the police spoke to me. CAS was also involved when my daughters counsellor reported my husband based on what my daughter was telling her. I have since become aware of the full scope of what my children were experiencing, i didnt really know until then.

I am reluctant to involve the police because it upsets the children so much and my lawyer strongly advises against it. But the last time he threatened it, my son was present and told me that i should just let him. But until now, ive listened to my lawyer completely.
I agree wtih you very much though that giving into him has only made things significantly worse.

Can i also say that since this started i have submitted recounts of events that my daughter told me regarding how he and his girlfriend have treated her. Ive also submitted emails and texts relating to his girlfriend. Its in an evidence book submitted for the courts that he has been provided with. Since that time, his girlfriend has now started a lawsuit to sue me for libel and slander. I have had to retain another lawyer who went through her claim and she doesnt have a case whatsoever but has warned me that even so, it will be a costly process to defend. She wants me to retract the accounting from my evidence book and issue an apology which i will not do so i am essentially in the courts with custody issues and a civil suit.
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  #26  
Old 11-12-2013, 04:57 PM
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Forcing a child to eat moldy food is abuse.
Denying food to a child is abuse.
Not providing adequate medical attention to a child is abuse.

Is the family doctor aware of this?
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  #27  
Old 11-12-2013, 05:01 PM
Weary Weary is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DowntroddenDad View Post
There are some things that collectively this group has learned about dealing with a high conflict ex.

One is to limit communication to emails.
Two is to only have the two parents communicate.

You doing all the doctors appointments etc., thats not a reason to give you sole custody.
I appreciate that but it really is about how the children are experiencing things at his house. I want to limit exposure as a result of that. Much of this started when this new girlfriend entered the picture, prior to that he was difficult but not abusive. He just parented in a manner that didnt match mine but the children were "ok" with it. Its been since her involvement that things have gotten really horrible for them.
All the communication is limited to emails. All of it. Even so, i cannot contact him or he calls the police or he doesnt reply. But he is getting to that point with my partner. He is making allegations towards him now and not replying which makes decision making with regards to the children impossible.
My daughter is supposed to be on an elimination diet as recommended by the doctor and i cannot get compliance nor even acknowledgement.
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  #28  
Old 11-12-2013, 05:02 PM
Weary Weary is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Many on here won't like what I'm going to say but I'll say it anyway.

Your ex sounds like an ahole. I'd get a real lawyer and put the boots to him. If you are entitled to SS go after it. If he wants to dance, then dance.

A wimpy lawyer with poor courtroom presence will do you no good. From what you have said, you will probably have years ahead of crap with your ex. I think it's time to get a decent lawyer, get SS to pay for it, and take control of your life.

Just my personal opinion.
HOW do i get a new lawyer? If i change i dont want to change ever again, so how do i find somewhere that may have recommendations?
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  #29  
Old 11-12-2013, 05:03 PM
Weary Weary is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Forcing a child to eat moldy food is abuse.
Denying food to a child is abuse.
Not providing adequate medical attention to a child is abuse.

Is the family doctor aware of this?
the doctor is aware yes.
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  #30  
Old 11-12-2013, 05:06 PM
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arabian arabian is offline
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Get yourself a decent lawyer girl.
It isn't defamation or liable. Start by reading up on those two things. First of all, you can't sue someone for saying something that is true. Secondly, it's pretty hard to sue if the person hasn't published their remarks. Thirdly, the damages generally reflect the wrong. Unless you are a very wealthy individual it would hardly be worth her time.

I had some craziness with my ex's g/f as well. I was VERY upset and had to hire a criminal lawyer. It cost a few bucks but was well worth it to shut her up once and for all. Judges don't like this sort of crap happening. Let her sue you. Not a big deal. The most she will accomplish is a restraining order against you or probably just a verbal warning to the two of you not to communicate with each other.

I will private message you what I really think. LOL
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