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  • #16
    I know now what happened: That he bribed her, using her car, to stay with him and that it was planned and premeditated. He lied to her and used her against me. At 20, they should know the impact of their choices, especially if it affects one parent so badly. She has been used by her father against me, for his benefit. He turned her against me after the separation and she woldn't talk to me for a year. In her words "I'm sorry dad is screwing you around". This is a very sad situation. Not the way I raised her certainly. Very sad that I ever married the man that would do this to his x of 22 years, and that he would teach his daughter this as well.

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    • #17
      Give the CS money directly to the adult child while she is living with her father. This will definitely cover her clothing and food for the summer, and hopefully she'll set some aside for her next school year. It might even teach her to budget. He can charge her room and board if he wants a share of it, or take away her car since things didn't go as he planned.
      It's only four months. If he wants to argue and take you to court about it, summer will be over by the time anything happens. You'll have proof (keep the cancelled cheques!) that you met your CS obligation, he'll look like a selfish jerk, and the daughter gets taught that she should make her own choices.

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      • #18
        She has agreed to live with me part time. She warned me that dad said she doesn't get her car on the days she is with me. Luckily I have insurance on my car for her.

        Thanks for your replies everyone.

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        • #19
          Originally posted by Rioe View Post
          Give the CS money directly to the adult child while she is living with her father....
          ...If he wants to argue and take you to court about it, summer will be over by the time anything happens. You'll have proof (keep the cancelled cheques!) that you met your CS obligation, he'll look like a selfish jerk, and the daughter gets taught that she should make her own choices.
          If this is acceptable (is it? I know that's a common complaint of support-payors, that they want to pay the child directly, but have to pay the parent instead...but I've only seen that complaint come up with much younger children; perhaps with adult children this is okay?)...

          Make sure you write on any cheques, that it says "child support" or it's distinguishable as "child support". I could just see a parent causing issues with this, and trying to claim it was "other money" being given directly to the child, and they were still owed child support.

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          • #20
            If this is acceptable (is it?
            No. Gifts to your child do not vitiate your child support obligation. Numerous cases have payor parents doing this, and then being found in arrears of child support.

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            • #21
              Originally posted by momiss2 View Post
              She has agreed to live with me part time. She warned me that dad said she doesn't get her car on the days she is with me. Luckily I have insurance on my car for her.

              Thanks for your replies everyone.
              What's he going to do, take a taxi to your house and drive her car away? It's either her car or it isn't.

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              • #22
                Originally posted by OrleansLawyer View Post
                No. Gifts to your child do not vitiate your child support obligation. Numerous cases have payor parents doing this, and then being found in arrears of child support.
                Thanks for the clarification OrleansLawyer! I was wondering...

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by OrleansLawyer View Post
                  No. Gifts to your child do not vitiate your child support obligation. Numerous cases have payor parents doing this, and then being found in arrears of child support.
                  My thinking was that the ex would not bother to take her to court, because it's only for four months.

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by Rioe View Post
                    Give the CS money directly to the adult child while she is living with her father.
                    People often forget that CS is not actually for the support of the child. It is explicitly for the support of the recipient parent.

                    As such, you cannot give money to the child, because that defeats the purpose of child support, which is to improve the lifestyle of the custodial parent.

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                    • #25
                      double post

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by Janus View Post
                        People often forget that CS is not actually for the support of the child. It is explicitly for the support of the recipient parent.

                        As such, you cannot give money to the child, because that defeats the purpose of child support, which is to improve the lifestyle of the custodial parent.
                        Useless flame (again)

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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by billm View Post
                          Useless flame (again)
                          I'm not seeing the flame part. I wish my kids could receive the money, and pay their mom for room and board out of it. But that isn't how it works.

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                          • #28
                            I agree that when the kids gets older they should pay mom/ or dad room and board then get the money to spend on the junk they want/ sports etc. That could work if the kids were responsible. Kids cost money though lets face it.
                            Just heard from the x today: we can omit child support from me to him if he doesn't have to pay me 150 a month spousal support indefinitely. Hmmm 1 yr. child support or ... wow he's soo generous. This is part of the agreement, which cost me about 3 years to get and about 20,000. Plus the last 4 years manipulating the kids against me, over money.

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                            • #29
                              He won't pay spousal which is 150 a mth., which I only received for about 6 months and not since.
                              This is part of the agreement, which cost me about 3 years to get and about 20,000. Plus the last 4 years manipulating the kids against me, over money.
                              You spent $20,000 and 3 years to get an SS order for $150.00 a month? And you haven't even got that enforced through FRO?

                              Hmmm...

                              I guess you have two choices.

                              1) Pay whatever CS you're going to owe based on which access arrangements your daughter wants to comply to and get enforcement arranged on your SS order, including whatever retroactive he owes you.

                              2) Take his deal, however, it doesn't sound beneficial to you...and its not legally binding on either side since you have an existing order for SS and CS is the right of the child.

                              Either way, I thoroughly agree with the earlier poster who recommended that you leave your daughter out of your divorce issues...particularly ones involving CS. Its the most damaging and self-serving thing you can do to badmouth the other parent in an attempt to win her to your side and demean her opinion of her father. You married him, she didn't....take responsibility for your own actions. Kids take enough responsible for stuff they didn't do in a divorce. You're not running for Mayor...you don't need voters. Be a good mother and a decent person and don't engage in that type of nonsense.

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                              • #30
                                When you separated and the kids were living with him, did you pay cs back then?

                                Later when the kids were living with you, did he pay cs to you?

                                Why are you against paying cs now?

                                You claim he lied to your kids and they wouldn't talk to you for a year after separating. Now you claim that he offered them a car a couple days a week and they don't want to stay with you anymore, even though you are offering your car during your days.... The kids are adults. They know what's happening and can decide what they want to do. If you're so sure it's only because of a bribe, then try bribing the kids yourself and see if they change their mind. Give them your car, and then use all the ss and cs you'll get to buy a new one.

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