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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 10-17-2014, 11:19 PM
dad2bandm dad2bandm is offline
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Default Nothing says crazy, like little pieces of paper

Long-running issue with ex not forwarding child's school planner with her, when she comes to my house. Other school info too. Ex decides what she feels I am entitled to see, or what I shouldn't see. Mom feels daughter's planner is only for Mom's eyes. Whatever.

So I circumvent ex, and get what school info I can directly from teacher and school, since we have joint-custody, and there's no reasoning with control-freak.
Unfortunately, the planner I don't see.

At last child-pickup from Mom, Mom forwards home-reading exercise, and little "scraps of paper". Child's teacher has mentioned child should be practicing certain words, listed in planner. Didn't clue into pieces of paper then, and had to hit road to get home.

Turns out, the little scraps of paper, are portions of child's school planner pages, she cut out.
She literally cut out the word lists, and cut around planner notes from the teacher about our child, and such.

Almost makes one laugh.
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Old 10-18-2014, 08:48 AM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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We go through the same thing with my partners ex... if the kids have homework she will only send the piece of paper that the homework is on. She will not send the planner. The kids are to read every night and record it in their planner. They read at our house, but Mom is the one to write in the planner saying how the children did... oh well, what can you really do?
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Old 10-18-2014, 09:53 AM
ninehundredt ninehundredt is offline
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My ex is the same type. Control freak through and through. My lawyer told me not to even bother with the behaviour, and that the kids will eventually become aware that their mom is a bit of a psycho anyway.
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Old 10-18-2014, 09:57 AM
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blinkandimgone blinkandimgone is offline
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Get the kids a second planner for your house, find out if the teacher has a blog or website they use to communicate homework, failing that, ask the teacher to let you know either weekly or.monthly what homework will be and to communicate any concerns to you directly via email so you may also be involved.

This isn't their first rodeo, they have seen it all and are usually happy to accomodate when there are parents who WANT to be involved.
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Old 10-18-2014, 10:24 AM
OntarioDaddyMan OntarioDaddyMan is offline
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This seems to be a common issue. I to have similar difficulties.

The sad thing about it is when I request information I am accused of being overly controlling. I assume this is how Ex justifies their behaviour. Or tries to anyways.

Schools can be accommodating.


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Old 10-18-2014, 10:49 AM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blinkandimgone View Post
Get the kids a second planner for your house, find out if the teacher has a blog or website they use to communicate homework, failing that, ask the teacher to let you know either weekly or.monthly what homework will be and to communicate any concerns to you directly via email so you may also be involved.

This isn't their first rodeo, they have seen it all and are usually happy to accomodate when there are parents who WANT to be involved.
This is a very good point. While the school my step kids are in don't do this, the one my brother is in does. His teacher sends out nightly emails as to what the homework is and any communications that need to be passed on. Now my brother is in grade 7, so it may be different for younger kids, but you would think more teachers would adapt to this.
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Old 10-18-2014, 04:31 PM
Serene Serene is offline
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It takes all kinds huh? lol

Mom has advised my hubby that I'm never to do homework with the children. As the children are in immersion and I speak fluent French, and she speaks none, she has reverted to often leaving large projects and speeches for us to do without any notice (i.e. we found out on a Friday it is due on Monday and the two weeks that the child had to do it lapsed without any effort on her part and without any notice to us). Funny how things change as the kid's French has surpassed her elementary French knowledge and now its okay for me to help with homework

The teachers and principals know that things are difficult between the homes and have been more than accommodating.

Most recently mom has been insisting we tell her when and who will be picking up the children on dad's access nights from school. While I don't see how this is relevant or even any of her business, often times we make that decision minutes before pick up... all that to say, she considers that we are difficult because we don't advise her of these things, then again, it's really none of her business. Damned if you do, damned if you don't lol

And has scratched out comments that dad has made in the children's agendas.
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Old 10-18-2014, 10:34 PM
OntarioDaddyMan OntarioDaddyMan is offline
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Question- How does one cope and deal with these issues in the long term?

Assuming that this behaviour persists through our children's life. And assuming that the "other" parent cannot see the negative impact their behaviour has on the children.


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Old 10-18-2014, 10:38 PM
Serene Serene is offline
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Patience, tears, humour, wine.

And more wine.

And some whiskey.
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  #10  
Old 10-19-2014, 12:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OntarioDaddyMan View Post
Question- How does one cope and deal with these issues in the long term?

Assuming that this behaviour persists through our children's life. And assuming that the "other" parent cannot see the negative impact their behaviour has on the children.


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You establish working relationships with the people you CAN work with and don't rely on the ex for what you need. Unless court ordered otherwise, you have the right to communicate directly with the school, teachers, caregivers, doctors etc, which all parents should be doing anyways.

Perhaps in intact families it is common that one parent takes the more active role in doing these things, but recognize that you are no longer an intact family, cannot expect to function as one, and you can no longer defer to the other to do assume all the responsibility. If you want to be involved, get involved and stay involved, then you no longer need to depend on someone else to provide you the info.

Is it right for the other parent to sabotage your child's success merely to get at you? Absolutely not. But there are absolutely ways to circumvent any attempts.

Last edited by blinkandimgone; 10-19-2014 at 12:19 AM.
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