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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 01-28-2011, 12:01 AM
mother4ever mother4ever is offline
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Default Retroactive Child support

My ex and i separated in Oct 05', divorced in august 10' 2 children, 14 years married and always had an amicable and agreeable arrangement with regards to our 2 children 16 & 12.

The orginal agreement was i would have them sun supper to thurs supper, he would have them thurs supper- sun supper. approx. 40% + each.

This worked for year 1, year 2 he changed jobs and couldn't take them to school and would drop them back off friday morning so i could get them ready and off to school and he would pick them up after school. After school sometimes turned into 7pm and sunday supper slowly turned into sunday afternoon. He never attends school meetings, never takes them to the doctor or dentist, never does homework on weekends with them, never does their laundry before sending them home, never buys their clothes, never takes them for haircuts or participate in extra curricular interests or take care other day to day needs. It's just a fun weekend for all or sometimes lately I think its something he does to avoid full support payments.

It has always been important to me that the kids know their dad and his family as i do not have family. I wanted them to grow and know their cousins and grandparents and participate in family events. I did not want their lives to change drastically and although we are at odds, the kids come first. However just like in our marriage, i am once again doing all the raising.

In 2008 he chose to move 45 minutes away from the city that the kids grew up in and i still reside in, to buy a house and take on a job that is 2 hrs away and pays him a rediculous amount of money. He has been able to pay off half his mortage, buy a cottage and 2 brand new vehicles fo himself, while i live pay check to pay check. This means that there is no physical way that he can share parenting.

Recently this amicable relationship has gone seriously south, he will not communicate with me at all. Not via email ....nothing. His recent decisions (that we have always been on the same page about their rearing) have been radical, unpredictable and out of character.
These recent actions make me believe that I need to file for sole custody immediately and protect my children and their future.

eg. He has met a woman with a daughter online late last summer, he flew to Russia in November to meet her, he's proposed to her (good luck to her) and plans on marrying her in Russia in March. He has to sign a legal document agreeing to support her and her daughter for the next 10 years in order for the immigration to proceed. Her daughter is 17 now.

Here's the kicker, when we separated he made 53k and I made 40k. and agreed to pay $400 based on our original shared parenting arrangement. He has never disclosed to the courts or me how much he truly makes. i just found out that he makes 133k and i make 62k and he is only spending 29% of the time with his children and continues to pay only $400/month instead of the table amount of $1795.

My fear is if I do not get something in writing before this immigration goes through that the courts will say he has an obligation to the new Russian family first. That my daughters future university dreams will be discarded, and that he may up and take them to Russia without my permission.

Would they consider retro support payments from his years of manipulation and avoidance of what he knew he should've been paying? Will they put the needs of his new family ahead of his biological children?

please help...i need some quick advice.

thanks
  #2  
Old 01-28-2011, 06:58 AM
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At $60K+ a year plus $5K in CS, there are lots more single parents living out there "pay cheque to pay cheque" than you.

And what's this about retro support payments from his years of manipulation and avoidance of what he knew he should've been paying? You knew the score and signed off on it at separation. If he was failing to disclose his true income you should have made that an issue before signing off. You are not going to have any case vis a vis the earlier years.

And his "radical, unpredictable and out of character" behaviour might have something to do with his new Russian friend, or not who cares. Your post reeks of frustration and even bitterness and hostility. He never does x, never does y, never does z....

All that said, you do have a material change in circumstance. He has moved far away, he has significantly reduced his involvement/access and his income has gone up considerably. You have let that go for over two years so it's not likely that you will be obtain a change in CS that will go that far back, but you should ask for it.

Ask him to renegogiate the CS. If/when he says no, file a motion to change the CS.

His Russian GF and her child do not take priority over his children so there is no urgency there.

But if you have been living "pay cheque to pay cheque" why in Heaven's name did you not file a motion to vary two years ago when the material change in circumstance happened?

I find it very strange that conditions surrounding your children (his move, his reduced involvement, his greater ability to pay) did not motivate you to do anything, especially when you say how stretched out you were financially.

It's only when something that has nothing to do with your children (new relationship) happens that you "need some quick advice".

Last edited by dadtotheend; 01-28-2011 at 07:01 AM.
  #3  
Old 01-28-2011, 03:31 PM
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I will say, a bit harsh DTTE...

As for retro child support, do you exchange income tax yearly? If so, you will need to rationalise to the courts why you did not apply for a variance sooner, just as he will have to rationalise why he did not voluntarily increase when his income did.

Two years later, it is still a material change, but one that will have to be proven, since it was no big deal 2 years ago when it occurred.

That being said, ask for it. The worst case scenario: You don't get retro, but you get ongoing to guideline.

My first step would be to send him an email stating that since you are now aware of his income of X, and considering the parenting arrangement currently in place where he spends Y time with the kids, you would like to see CS raised to guideline amount, effective February 1, and ongoing.

That allows the court to see a date where you DID ask for an increase, and you will be more likely to get retro to the date of that email.
  #4  
Old 01-28-2011, 06:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by InterprovincialParents View Post
I will say, a bit harsh DTTE...
I can't tell you how many times I would have liked to leave a one word answer but, as you one-worders know, the forum requires a minimum of 10 characters, so.....

YES.
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Old 01-28-2011, 06:59 PM
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commonsensibly!
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Old 01-28-2011, 07:08 PM
mother4ever mother4ever is offline
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Wow, really DTTE. Unless you have something helpful to say like Interprovinical then save your bitterness for your ex.

First of all you should all know that nothing has ever been signed reagrding our children. Everything was verbal as we were both interested in what was best for our children.

The additional part to this has nothing to do with him, his life or his choices, i chose to leave him and haven't looked back. Trust me i could not be happier that he has moved on, providing that my children are not negatively effected.

It has to do with his recent behaviour towards his children. The oldest doesn't want to go there and hasn't for sometime. I am the one not letting either of them quit on each other and pushing her out the door so that they both have a relationship.

In the past 2 months, he has yelled at my youngest because he was crying call him a "smart son of a bitch" because he was hiding that he was crying behind his Christmas list and his father tore it out of his hands and ripped it up. All of this happened while they were out xmas shopping and he immediately took them home and left them for 3 hours. The next day, he wanted to decorate, my daughter said dad i have a huge project due tomorrow and i need to work on it. He again got angry and dropped them off litterally on my curb with their suitcases, 3 hours earlier then usual and sped away without even saying good bye. Lucky i was home. If they were younger that would be child abandonment. I picked up those pieces when my son was crying and again defended his behaviour to them, while consoling them.

I do not want to be that parent that limits the amount of time that he wants to spend with his children. However his behaviour towards them recently, I can no longer in good conscious push them or him to have a relationship.
It kills me to send them to his house if he is going to treat them that way.

The final straw was 2 weeks ago. In our verbal agreement it was agreed upon that I would look after the kids when he chose to take vacation without them and likewise when I took vacation. I gave him 2 months notice when i was going to be on vacation and that they would be with him. He was on vacation to Russia in November and he gave me 5 days notice, which was fine. He got angry that I expected that he got them to school during that week and stormed out of my house slamming my door after screaming profanities infront of the children.

I only asked thar he not let my 16 yr old daugter to ride in her new (barely know him less then a month) 19 yr old boyfriends car as I know that this guy is bad news. ie. drinking and pot smoking.
Not only did he disregard this but he paid the boyfriend to drive both my children to school, in snow storms, 45 minutes to school and bring them home. I just found out that during lunch that they drove to his house and my daughter was late getting back to school. But dad who is 2 hrs away at work was and is oblivious to all of this. I felt that this was extremely vindictive and endangering their lives.

I want sole custody and he will pay from this point forward, one way or another. I am very concerned about his decisons lately and will do whatever it takes to protect them and theor futures. This means, physically, mentally and yes....financially.
  #7  
Old 01-28-2011, 08:16 PM
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You can't dictate that someone else parent the way you would or want them to, especially without offending them and getting backlash for it.

Although I don't agree with some of the scenarios you provided, IMO it's likely not enough to warrant you being awarded sole custody.

Your children are 12 & 16, no agreement will hold for the 16 year old as she is old enough to choose where she wants to live and she can't be forced to do otherwise even if you have a signed agreement. Hell, she could opt to go live with the 19 year old BF and there's nothing either of you could do about it. Her father may well recognize this and be allowing her some leeway to avoid pushing her away from the family and towards the BF, who knows? Your 12 year old is also getting old enough to have his opinions heard on where he wants to be.

You left it up to him to make arrangements for the kids' transportation and he did. He fulfilled his obligations as set out in your agreement. I don't believe you mentioned it said in your agreement that you must consent to his arrangements? Despite that, you made your wishes known to him but he doesn't have to abide by them. You may not like it but that's just the way it is.

As for the arguing in front of the kids, you might want to try choosing a time and setting away from the kids to have discussions with him to avoid putting the kids through that. Email works great as well if you can't keep civil with each other.

You say the new girlfriend isn't an issue for you and yet at the same time, mention her repeatedly and how her presence may affect you, the children and your finances. You want to hang him now for something he hasn't even done yet. If taking the children out of the country is a concern for you then either get an order stating he needs your consent to travel with them or don't sign for their passports - be prepared for the same to apply to you. There are better ways to deal with the issues then filing for sole custody and asking for more money now on the off chance that you won't be able to get it from him later.

Last edited by blinkandimgone; 01-28-2011 at 08:23 PM. Reason: the voices told me to....
  #8  
Old 01-28-2011, 10:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mother4ever View Post
Wow, really DTTE. Unless you have something helpful to say like Interprovinical then save your bitterness for your ex.

First of all you should all know that nothing has ever been signed reagrding our children. Everything was verbal as we were both interested in what was best for our children.

The additional part to this has nothing to do with him, his life or his choices, i chose to leave him and haven't looked back. Trust me i could not be happier that he has moved on, providing that my children are not negatively effected.

It has to do with his recent behaviour towards his children. The oldest doesn't want to go there and hasn't for sometime. I am the one not letting either of them quit on each other and pushing her out the door so that they both have a relationship.

In the past 2 months, he has yelled at my youngest because he was crying call him a "smart son of a bitch" because he was hiding that he was crying behind his Christmas list and his father tore it out of his hands and ripped it up. All of this happened while they were out xmas shopping and he immediately took them home and left them for 3 hours. The next day, he wanted to decorate, my daughter said dad i have a huge project due tomorrow and i need to work on it. He again got angry and dropped them off litterally on my curb with their suitcases, 3 hours earlier then usual and sped away without even saying good bye. Lucky i was home. If they were younger that would be child abandonment. I picked up those pieces when my son was crying and again defended his behaviour to them, while consoling them.

I do not want to be that parent that limits the amount of time that he wants to spend with his children. However his behaviour towards them recently, I can no longer in good conscious push them or him to have a relationship.
It kills me to send them to his house if he is going to treat them that way.

The final straw was 2 weeks ago. In our verbal agreement it was agreed upon that I would look after the kids when he chose to take vacation without them and likewise when I took vacation. I gave him 2 months notice when i was going to be on vacation and that they would be with him. He was on vacation to Russia in November and he gave me 5 days notice, which was fine. He got angry that I expected that he got them to school during that week and stormed out of my house slamming my door after screaming profanities infront of the children.

I only asked thar he not let my 16 yr old daugter to ride in her new (barely know him less then a month) 19 yr old boyfriends car as I know that this guy is bad news. ie. drinking and pot smoking.
Not only did he disregard this but he paid the boyfriend to drive both my children to school, in snow storms, 45 minutes to school and bring them home. I just found out that during lunch that they drove to his house and my daughter was late getting back to school. But dad who is 2 hrs away at work was and is oblivious to all of this. I felt that this was extremely vindictive and endangering their lives.

I want sole custody and he will pay from this point forward, one way or another. I am very concerned about his decisons lately and will do whatever it takes to protect them and theor futures. This means, physically, mentally and yes....financially.
How can I make "predictable" a ten character word. Ohhh.... wait....
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