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Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #21  
Old 02-28-2019, 12:59 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tayken View Post
You need a very serious situation to get one ordered. Take a look at the Izyuk matter. It took multiple trials to get to the point of it being ordered! Judges don't hand out these orders very often. It requires mountains (5+ legal boxes full) of evidence.
pretty much. there's no point- it's just wasting my money and his. The only thing I question- is that if he really doesn't believe he's a risk, and it's a closed assessment- wouldn't you just do one to show you're not?

At this point- i just have to set up the situation that will minimize the risk of violence to both my daughter and myself.

that being said- What i've picked up from the OCL assessment- and this was backed up by my lawyer...this is more serious than I want to believe.


Thanks for all the feedback and replies. I'm in the middle of crafting something that I will send to my ex once we receive the final OCL report and recommendations. If he doesn't accept my offer- or counter with something reasonable- then I've told my lawyer to pull the trigger to move this to trial.
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  #22  
Old 03-02-2019, 01:38 AM
tunnelight tunnelight is offline
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I don't think this matter is being mediated. (Correct me if I am wrong.) If it was being mediated it wouldn't pass the mandatory assessment phase for power imbalances etc.

https://www.riverdalemediation.com/a...ion-processes/

Okay so too dangerous for mediation but just safe enough for a 1.5 hour joint family counselling session ?

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Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
We had our first session with a jointly selected family therapist yesterday. It was 1.5hrs.
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  #23  
Old 03-03-2019, 10:08 AM
tilt tilt is offline
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There are specially trained counsellors that work specifically with abused/abusive couples in joint counselling (I have one but I use him alone as the ex won’t participate). It has been recognized in the counselling community that by having counsellors withdrawing from joint counselling with abusive dynamics it leaves the victims vulnerable when they are legally forced to have a relationship/communication. So, some brave, well-trained counsellors take it on.
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  #24  
Old 03-03-2019, 08:17 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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There are specially trained counsellors that work specifically with abused/abusive couples in joint counselling (I have one but I use him alone as the ex won’t participate). It has been recognized in the counselling community that by having counsellors withdrawing from joint counselling with abusive dynamics it leaves the victims vulnerable when they are legally forced to have a relationship/communication. So, some brave, well-trained counsellors take it on.
These counselors have to be very well trained I think.

I am really lucky that my lawyer suggested two really good skilled counsellors to help in my situation. Unfortunately my first choice was booked up...but the one we’re with now is good. She’s already had to diffuse some situations.

I’m not actually convinced coparent counselling is good idea in really high conflict cases where there is a historical power imbalance.

But practically speaking- and I realize how messed up this is- I feel like it allows my ex to funnel his rage towards me in these sessions, and I’m “protected” in a sense—- and that keeps it away from him potentially lashing out at our daughter. He gets to spew his vitriol and manipulative garbage at me and maybe that actually allows him to feel some of the control he’s lost.




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  #25  
Old 03-03-2019, 10:19 PM
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Tayken Tayken is offline
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I’m not actually convinced coparent counselling is good idea in really high conflict cases where there is a historical power imbalance.
You are correct. It is not good. Parallel parenting maybe but, even in your situation, that would be a stretch. When I read your materials I think "idiot" before "abusive" at times. Not to say one negates the other. What I am saying is you have a double down situation.

It is hard to overcome "idiot". It takes a lot of hard work. Sorry to say. You may be doing the majority of work when it comes to your children. You are consistent in how you describe the other parent.
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  #26  
Old 03-04-2019, 08:49 PM
tunnelight tunnelight is offline
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Did you at anytime request a restraining order?
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  #27  
Old 03-04-2019, 09:31 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Did you at anytime request a restraining order?


Didn’t need to, he had bail conditions that worked the same way. They were reduced at the time he started pars, and removed after.


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  #28  
Old 03-04-2019, 09:43 PM
tunnelight tunnelight is offline
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They were reduced at the time he started pars, and removed after.
Did you request a restraining order once the bail conditions were removed?

Last edited by tunnelight; 03-04-2019 at 09:47 PM.
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  #29  
Old 03-04-2019, 09:59 PM
tunnelight tunnelight is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tilt View Post
There are specially trained counsellors that work specifically with abused/abusive couples in joint counselling (I have one but I use him alone as the ex won’t participate). It has been recognized in the counselling community that by having counsellors withdrawing from joint counselling with abusive dynamics it leaves the victims vulnerable when they are legally forced to have a relationship/communication. So, some brave, well-trained counsellors take it on.
Mediators and therapists are both BSW MSW social workers licensed by the college of social workers. Most social workers with training in Family Law do both therapy and mediation. Some of them even do OCL assessment on the side.

The question is, the therapist they chose, was it a "specifically" trained for domestic violence therapist?

Last edited by tunnelight; 03-04-2019 at 10:13 PM.
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  #30  
Old 03-06-2019, 11:34 AM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Did you request a restraining order once the bail conditions were removed?
Nope.

(apparently the word "no" is too short).
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